Abyssal Heart
by Ashinan
Summary: Raito always had a plan, an equation to explain everything. Yet that one variable, that one elusive word, hadn't been factored in. Will he change the equation, or stand by and watch? Full Sum Inside. LxRaito Slash, Yaoi, etc
1. Simple Noises

**Summary:** His plan was flawless. He was supposed to be Kira. Him and that Amane Misa. Yet he hadn't factored in the weakening of his heart - He had never made mistakes. He had never moved without a precise plan to back him up. Yet everything was falling apart like a broken wall - Could one look past the facade? Could the other banish the part of him that desired confrontation? All that is needed is just one variable in an equation both fear to say out loud.

**A/N:** Welcome to my story, **Abyssal Heart**! I have finished the Manga **Death Note**, and am currently watching the Anime. Now, I must warn you that this story will contain spoilers for Episode 25/Chapter 58. Also contains Yaoi, Slash, etc. etc. If you don't like, don't read. With that being said, shall we get going with the fun?

**Edit:** Some people may not of realized, but Yagami Raito is also known as Yagami Light. Just thought I'd clear that up. I still prefer original Japanese name, so this is a heads up on that. **Raito** _is_ **Light.** There.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Death Note. Not the characters, nothing. Meh. Now I'm all saddened.

Oh! I'm a music freak, and I seriously cannot type worth anything without my music. I was listening to **Apologize - One Republic** and **R-Evolve - 30 Seconds to Mars** when I wrote this chapter. Highly recommended, both of them. Also, if you have any good songs for me, please mention those as well! Thanks!

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_**Abyssal Heart**_

**Chapter 1  
****Simple Noises**

_Click. Click. Click._

Yagami Raito felt his eye twitch. He never twitched. Never lost his composure. Well, given the odd situation he was currently in right now, he didn't truly know what to think anymore. His ears were bleeding – he was sure – and his eyes were most likely mirrored images of the sugar-craving insomniac he was currently chained to; the one that was presently making that _insufferable_ noise.

_Click. Click. Click._

He hadn't truly expected such an outcome as this. Sure, he had made miscalculations before... but being _handcuffed_ to a person wasn't exactly a variable one would have waiting on the sidelines of an elaborate equation. He would rather be confined...wait, scratch that, he had done that already. All right, he would rather knaw off his own arm than sit here on his rolling chair, staring blankly at website after website of useless information and only get one or two hours of sleep a night. But no. He was stuck here, hopelessly succumbing to a life of torture whether he wanted to or not. Well, he wanted to help with the investigation, but he wouldn't have minded doing so from his own home.

_Click. Click. Click._

And he was even forced to listen to that intolerable noise! Raito gritted his teeth, knowing how aggravated his dentist would be when he went in for his next check up. At the beginning of two weeks – perfect molars – now? Well, he was nearly at the gums. And who did he have to thank for that?

L. Ryuuzaki. Ryuuga. Whatever the hell his name was.

That was where his variable had failed to be factored in. Oh, he had remembered to pen in his nemesis' name above the equation; he just hadn't expected the spindly detective to go as far as to _chain_ him to his side. That was far-fetched, and beyond Raito's comprehension at the time.

It wasn't now.

_Click. Click. Click._

He glanced over at his captor. The spidery investigator was currently devouring some sugary concoction, filled with God only knew how many artery clogging, disease causing pathogens. Raito felt the cavities beginning just watching him. But no matter how much the detective ate, he gained no weight from the sugary snacks. Faded, baggy denims hung low on his boney hips, and his legs were currently curled up to his chest, bare toes waging war with each other. A thin, white sweater hung loosely on his frame, and thick torrents of black hair shot out in disarray around his head. Beneath his midnight grey eyes, black circles clung, contrasting against his pallid skin. In Raito's opinion, he looked like the living dead.

_Click. Click. _Pause..._ Click._

Raito felt his other eye twitch. He tore his gaze away from his roommate and back to the massive stack of papers piled beside his computer. Maybe if he staged it properly, he could catch a few moments of rest. Glancing back over at L to make sure he was still preoccupied with his sweets – he was – Raito strategically placed his head on top the large pile.

"Yagami-kun, if work is boring you, I suggest you do something aside from smear the ink on those important documents," drawled L. Raito jerked his head up, therefore successfully scattering all those 'important documents' to the floor.

Raito coughed softly, before getting up from his chair to retrieve the papers. He heard L turn his chair back and forth in an irritating manner, thus increasing the excruciating noises.

_Click. Squeeeak. Click. Click._

Raito delayed his attempts to pick up the last three articles, glancing up to stare murderously at the lead detective. He hadn't realized just how sleep deprived his brain was until it began singing random snippets of Christmas songs. He shook his head and gathered up the remaining papers.

"Ryuuzaki, can we postpone working until tomorrow? It's two-thirty in the morning," stated Raito, climbing unceremoniously into his rolling chair. It protested under his weight, adding to the noises around him. He had tried this tactic many a night before, asking L for sleep – not that he enjoyed admitting defeat in such a conscious way – but his brain just didn't function like L's. He could not work without sleep, and even though he knew the answer, he hoped L would retain some common sense and realize that Raito didn't actually _do_ anything after one o'clock in the morning.

Truth be told, Raito had tried every plausible feat to make his point visible to the seemingly blind detective, but nothing worked. He had blatantly shut off his computer – though he turned it back on afterwards – balanced the papers on the edge of the desk until they had fallen to the floor, even resorted to L's usual stacking methods, but still the investigator refused to acknowledge the fact that Raito was doing _nothing_ to help with the Kira investigation after one a.m. Sighing with a resigned demeanour, he leaned his elbows on his knees, awaiting the rhetorical response.

_Click. Click. Click._

"No."

Raito glared, straightening his posture. He would not be deprived of sleep any longer. He was running on minimal energy as it was. Another Christmas carol entered his mind, and he banished it to the corner of his fatigue shrouded brain. He stretched, and then stood up, jangling the chain between suspect and investigator. He felt L's owlish eyes turn slightly in his direction.

"I said no, Yagami-kun. Kira will not be caught if we sleep on the job," murmured L, plopping a rather odd looking candy into his mouth. He gazed back at the computer screen.

_Click. Click. Click._

Raito ignored him and the noises, turning to look around the dully light room.

With everyone gone, and it already being two-thirty in the morning, the room L had chosen for their investigation purposes was cozy if you were a spindly detective and wished to torture a teenager. They had moved their investigation up to the room they shared, and it reminded Raito of the prison cell he had been locked in for those fifty days. The room was barren except for a bed, a long desk where multiple computers could be placed – only L and his laptops' were stationed there at the moment – and rolling chairs. A door connected a bathroom and an entertainment room to their little _sanctuary_ but that was it.

He remembered the first time L had dragged him up to their room – it had been practically dawn, so they could've stayed downstairs in the main room – and Raito hadn't minded the entertainment room when he had first set eyes on it. But then he had seen where they would be sleeping.

"No."

"What's wrong, Yagami-kun?"

"I'm not sleeping in the same bed as you. I already have to tolerate your existence twenty-four seven. I have no intention of waking up knowing that I truly am a captive."

L had fingered his lip as if truly considering Raito's allegations. He glanced at the bed, furrowed his eyebrows and then shrugged. "Suit yourself, Yagami-kun. I can sleep on the bed, and you can sleep on the floor. The chain only permits a two foot distance, so you are not going very far without my permission." A slight smile tugged his lips. "Though the floor can be quite chilly at night, even with the new carpeting."

_Click. Click. Click._

Raito felt his brain stall from the noise and he threw another menacing glare at his roommate. He had ended up sleeping in the bed anyway, and had found that no matter how early he awoke, L was always gazing at him from the foot of the bed, wide awake, chewing on his thumb nail and staring at him with those owlish eyes.

Rubbing a hand over his agitated brown eyes, he focused on the laptop in front of L and wondered vaguely how L could possibly still be looking at files on the Kira case. Suddenly, an idea formed in his overworked mind. Maybe he could pull off a sleeping act after all.

He walked up behind L, who was currently chewing on his thumbnail as he usually did, and searched the laptop for the power button. Locating it with relative ease, he waited a few moments before jumping forward and pushing L out of the way. The startled detective, seated upon a rolling chair of course, was helpless to stop his forced direction, and even more helpless to stop what Raito now decided to do.

"We sleep, or I shut off this laptop and you lose everything you've gained. Understood?" asked Raito, his finger hovering over the little button. L made a grab for the computer, but only managed to hook his fingers around the mouse cord. He gave a feral yank, but Raito had a firm hold on the electronic device and refused to relinquish his hold. He wanted – no, he _deserved_ sleep.

"Yagami-kun, your behaviour right now has brought your percentage of being Kira up three percent," said L, his voice strangely high strung.

"Oh? And why is that? Because, unlike you, I actually _need_ sleep in order to function?" retorted Raito, jumping back as L made another attempt to reclaim his laptop.

"Five percent."

"Give it up, Ryuuzaki. I am not giving you this laptop until you either agree to my demands, or you lose all your hard-earned work. Which is it?" Raito made another dodge, and for once he realized just how perilously close he was to passing out. He never did things like this. Maybe that was why he seemed so out of character...

L unfolded himself from his chair and pushed it backwards, causing Raito to take another step back, his finger moving downwards. But, again, he hadn't factored in one indispensable variable.

The chain.

L jerked it hard, and since the finger that was hovering over the power button happened to be the one that was connected to the chained hand, the computers power supply was no longer in any impending danger. However, Raito's balance was.

_Beep. Beep. Beep..._

The computer crashed to the floor, giving off feeble beeps that warned the two that it was shutting down. However, that was the only noise that penetrated the uncanny silence that now stretched between them. Raito stared unblinkingly down at L, who in return stared up at him. Raito's forearms were on either side of the black haired detective's head, wherein L had his hands against Raito's chest, one curled in the fabric of his shirt and the other flat against his heart, which was beating erratically at the moment. Raito could feel L's hair brushing his forehead, and knew that his own chestnut hair was doing the same, showing just how close they were to each other. The offending chain was strewn across L's abdomen, and was being imprinted into his body by Raito's weight.

"Raito-kun..." breathed L, not breaking eye contact. Raito saw him release a breath, and realized that he, too, had been holding his. "You're cutting off my oxygen supply by sixty percent."

"Oh," he replied, but didn't move. L rarely used his first name, and when he did, Raito felt it was only applied when L wished to tell him something. It was odd that he used it now, when they were so close to each other...

What else was odd was that L's eyes, when viewed up close, weren't just midnight grey, like he had first thought, but had small flecks of other colour near the iris. Suddenly, his vision wavered, blurring everything and he shook his head, losing his sight momentarily. Yet, that wasn't the only function he seemed to lose control over. His arms, which were the only thing stopping him from crushing L, suddenly spasmed and he barely managed to hold himself up. The muscles in his left arm relaxed and he fought to control it, but he ended up losing that battle, his overtired brain finally telling him what he already knew; his muscles were going on strike. And they were starting at the most inappropriate time.

He collapsed partially onto L, and felt the detective exhale in surprise. However, L didn't push him away, just let him relax partially against him, though his hands curled tighter into Raito's shirt. Raito managed to keep his right arm under control, and thus his right side was still off the unexpectedly rigid detective. Yet his head was no longer level with the other youth's eyes, but was resting quite comfortably on L's shoulder.

"Raito-kun, I now agree that we should sleep," muttered L, his grip tightening just a fraction.

Raito nodded slightly, and tried to move his left arm. He managed to shift his fingers and concentrated all his willpower on making the limb move. It actually listened to him. He breathed a sigh of relief. Placing his hand back down beside the silent detective's head, he finally managed to push himself off. His brain protested, arguing about how comfortable L's body had been, and if he didn't find something damn quick to replace that with, it would turn off his ability to control his legs.

Raito staggered to his feet, raising a weary hand to cover one eye. L leaned up on his elbows, his unkempt bangs hiding his eyes. Raito waited; he couldn't make a move towards the bed as the chain wouldn't permit more than a two foot distance between the two of them. He glanced over at the laptop and realized with a sinking feeling that he had just lost all of L's hard work. Dropping his hand, he wondered if he should apologize, or if he would just be brushed off.

_Clink. Clink. Clink._

The soft sounds of chain links coming together drew Raito's attention away from the laptop and towards the youth on the floor. Well, he wasn't on the floor anymore. He was crouched now, and was chewing on his fingernail, eyes still masked by his unruly hair.

"Raito-kun, sleep is very important to you?" It was in the form of a question, not a statement, as Raito had expected. Again, L was using his first name. He wondered why.

"Yes. My mind cannot function like yours without a certain number of hours to refresh," replied Raito. His eyes were again drawn to the laptop. "I'm sorry about your laptop."

"It's too late to apologize." L got to his feet and moved past Raito, scooping up the laptop. He moved towards the bed, dragging Raito with him. He stopped and deposited the useless machine on the covers. Glancing over his shoulder, he said softly, "As to your response, I will allow you to sleep for the rest of the night, Yagami-kun."

Raito started. L was back to using his last name? What had changed? What had he missed? Something vital had just occurred, and it had slipped past him, like water through his grasping fingers. L sat down on the bed and turned back the covers, separating them and then taking two for himself. He waited until Raito was on his side of the bed before pulling at the blankets and making an elaborate nest around himself, the two blankets and three pillows now intricately caught amongst each other. He then buried himself within that tangle.

All the while Raito just watched this, completely caught up in his new discovery. He had never once witnessed L sleep, nor did he spend too much time dwelling on this fact. But then again, living with the same person inseparably for two weeks had done something to him, and he had become extremely attuned to every one of L's movements.

He blinked, his brain fuzzy. Dull light hazed over the room; he hadn't turned off his laptop. That would disrupt his sleep. He needed complete darkness or he would be roused from his slumber the minute he managed to shut down every little thought. He pulled at the chain.

_Rustle. Rustle. Rustle._

"Yagami-kun, you wished this time to be for sleeping, so sleep. If you desire to still work, then you did not have to go through such tactics," came L's muffled reply.

"I need to turn off my laptop."

"Do so then. Nothing is stopping you." L burrowed deeper into his nest of blankets and pillows.

"Actually, this contraption you have attached to me is. Either detach it or get up and turn off the light with me," snapped Raito, refusing to give up. He was getting more stubborn in his disposition as of late. It had to be sleep deprivation.

L moved again in his nest, and then there was a click, followed by the cuff thunking softly against his chest. Raito stared in disbelief. Had L really just done what Raito thought he did? Raito experimented just to be sure.

_Clink. Clink. Clink._

The chain followed him and coiled in his lap, the cuff cold against his fingertips as he explored it. L rarely uncuffed him unless he needed to change his shirt. He looked up to see L watching him through one of the folds in his elaborate fort.

"When you return from your expedition, give back the cuff. I am trusting you with this small feat. Don't disappoint me."

Raito nodded slightly and stood, banishing the whining voice of his fatigue to the corners of his mind and walking over to the desk. L had unlocked him from his side. He had actually done it. He was free without any cameras or any other means to watch his movements. His fingers trailed over the keys of his computer, saving his days work and then clicked it off, plunging the room into utter darkness.

Raito sighed, and felt his gaze go misty once again. If he wasn't careful, he would end up spending the remainder of the night on the floor.

_You could've been sleeping on L if you hadn't been so stubborn_, informed his inner voice, refusing to be ostracized to a dark corner once again. Raito froze, surprised mainly that his thoughts would take such a turn, and also that such an idea would be appealing to him. He shook his head angrily and strode over to the bed, bumping his knees against the mattress. He sighed and collapsed onto it.

"Give me the cuff."

_Clink. Clink_. _Clink._ Pause..._ Click!_

He tuned out everything. Silence enveloped him, and he blinked hazily at L, whom he could see watching him through the strategically placed holes in his blankets. He didn't care. He could sleep now. He buried his face into the pillow, and sighed, feeling his brain mirror his actions. He hadn't even changed into anything else for bed. He couldn't drag his exhausted muscles into doing anything more. Succumbing to the wonderful powers of sleep, he didn't realize just how much the actions of the night had shaken up a certain detective watching him from the protective nest of blankets and pillows.

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**A/N: **All right, so ends chapter one. **Please Review**! And don't forget to recommend songs for me. Aha. Well, I hope you all enjoyed it. I very much did. Now, I need to go wrestle with my MP3 player as it is being a snot nosed little - okay, nevermind. Well, await the next date! Adios!! 

Next Date:  
**05/30/07**


	2. Nightmarish Outcomes

**A/N:** Hello! Yes, I'm updating early. Leave me alone. I finished the chapter and wanted to get it up. So, this chapter is quite a bit longer than the last one. Almost double. Actually, I believe it is double. Wow.

This chapter I was listening to **Tell Me Why - Jakalope** and **The Good Left Undone - Rise Against**. Recommended. Mm. Well, shall we proceed?

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**Chapter 2  
Nightmarish Outcomes**

Raito felt oddly restricted as his mind drifted from sleep into the waking world. He didn't quite know why, but as he blurrily opened his eyes, he soon realized Fate was not on his side this morning. He noticed that his arm was stretched at an odd angle above his head, reaching towards the headboard, and his other arm was pinned rather uncomfortably beneath him. His shoulders felt somewhat cramped and his neck was screaming profanities at him, he was sure.

Grunting, he tried to turn over, to relieve the pressure of the arm beneath him. However, what he didn't expect was another voice to join his rather awkward aerobics that morning.

"I'd rather you not start fidgeting, Raito-kun. That could cause grave inconveniences."

Raito craned his neck around, looking past the oddly angled arm to see behind him and was met by pair of silver eyes. They regarded him with calculated precision and a smothered fury. Raito moved his eyes away from the intriguing grey and up his arm to see exactly what predicament he was in.

Somehow, he had managed to wrap the chain around the headboard's main part, and in the process, his free hand had been caught up within the chain, forcing his arm into that odd position. The chain had come around the headboard and wrapped itself around L, pinning his chained hand to the headboard, and his body to the bed. And to complete the chains odyssey, it had been wrapped once around Raito's body and had tangled itself in order to pin his arm beneath him. All in all, it wasn't a pleasant experience to wake up to.

He had also successfully rooted L from his hiding place amongst his blanket fort. The blankets were strewn over their legs; tangled amongst their bodies. Two pillows had found their way beneath L's back and bottom, arching him off the bed and Raito felt his mind meander off to a gutter he would rather it not play in. Yanking it back to the situation at hand, he tried to ascertain how he got in this predicament whilst keeping his eyes off the way L's shirt had pulled away from his jeans. Of course, this would have been much easier if Raito hadn't already been _facing_ L and his half-naked body.

"How –"

L shifted and Raito gritted his teeth, feeling the chain bite into his back. L answered, "I can usually manoeuvre around your fidgeting form during the night, but I happened to be tired as well. With that in mind, I could not stop you from attacking everything in sight, including myself."

Raito sighed, and again tried to move his unchained hand. If he just managed to get some leverage, he would be able to sort out this mess. "Well, now you can't blame me for wanting a little rest."

"Actually, I can blame you quite thoroughly. If you did not thrash around so erratically in your sleep, Raito-kun, I wouldn't currently be in this situation, and the team downstairs wouldn't be questioning as to what we are doing in this room so late."

Raito felt his cheeks burn, and tried to ignore the fact that his mind was again ambling towards that very real gutter. L shifted, drawing his shirt up more, and Raito tried – he truly did – to keep his gaze from watching, but it was damn hard when the detective _wouldn't stop fidgeting_! Breaking his gaze from the hem of L's shirt – and everything that had been revealed thus far – he forced himself to concentrate on the chain.

_Just concentrate on the chain, and not the fact that you just had _very_ un-Raito like notions about your rival_, he thought, his hand flipping around like a fish out of water. He was getting nowhere like this. He breathed through his nose, emptying his mind and finally managed to twirl his fingers into a respectful position to work on the knot. L again shifted, dragging the chain across Raito's back, but stopped in shocked surprise when Raito cried out in pain.

"God damn it! Don't do that," he hissed, rotating his neck enough to get a look at his back. He realized that his own shirt had been pulled up enough that the links were now bare against his skin, and were imprinting their angry marks into his back. L stared at the lacerations in wide eyed fascination and then met Raito's eyes. He cowered away from the look that he saw there, and stilled, letting Raito return to his tactics.

Raito went back to his hand. After ten minutes, he finally managed to free his hand, and it collapsed to the bed in limp resignation. Groaning, he curled his fingers and uncurled them, retaining circulation in the limb and then looked back at L.

"Ryuuzaki, there should be enough slack to get the chain away from the headboard. Go ahead," said Raito. L nodded and tugged with his chained hand, sliding the chain links along the polished wood easily now. Another ten minutes passed and finally both of them were free to sit on opposite ends of the bed. Raito lifted his shirt and looked at the bruises already appearing around his torso; large purple and blue contusions that swelled irately around the markings that had been imprinted by his own hand, technically.

"Sorry," came L's soft voice. Raito glanced in his direction and realized the youth was staring at the markings on Raito's body in sorrowful enthralment. He was chewing on his thumbnail again, but his knees weren't up by his chest, and the other hand fiddled absently with the chain between them.

"It wasn't your fault. Completely mine," replied Raito, tugging down his shirt. He got up, and the chain grew taunt between them. Raito looked over his shoulder at the other, waiting for him to rise. "We need to get ready. We've already wasted too much time. Like you said, what will the team be thinking?"

L bit down hard on his thumb, his hair hiding his eyes; his emotions. It dawned on Raito that L had been calling him by his first name again. He hadn't noticed because of their predicament but... He glanced over at the detective, who had risen from the bed and was uncuffing himself. He grabbed his laptop and clicked it on, then turned the computer towards Raito before attaching the cuff to a random piece of furniture.

"Watari, please watch him for me." He turned to Raito, but didn't meet his eyes, only brought his thumbnail to his teeth again. "I'll go first," he said, and left the room.

Raito sighed and sat down on the bed again, putting his head in his hands. It had been like this for the past week. L would go in the shower, leaving him alone with Watari watching his every move, and then asking the old man what Raito had done when he was gone.

_But what did it all mean_? Why was L using his first name more frequently? Was there something hidden that he wasn't seeing? He needed to think rationally, but damn those bruises hurt. He winced when he took a deep breath, and realized with a sinking feeling what this exactly meant. He – well, _they_ – had a date with Amane Misa today, and she was a leech that refused to let go. With these new wounds, he would be dancing around her like a ballerina on some type of hyped up drug.

Watari broke his thoughts, "Breakfast will be sent for you and Ryuuzaki once your showers are finished. Is there anything specific you wish?"

"No, Watari. I'm fine."

Frustrated, he flopped back on the bed, an arm stretched over his eyes, the chain creaking absently beside him. He could hear the pipes groaning with the pressure of the water and the constant hum of the computer beside him was reassuring. He just needed to relax, that was all. He was wound too tight, and what little sleep he had managed to retain last night would only keep him going for so long. He would have to trick L into sleeping again tonight...

The pipes gave a final groan and he lifted his arm up slightly, glancing over at the bathroom door. His turn was next, and he wasn't exactly thrilled. Raito knew the detective was honourable – well, he hoped – and the shower was behind a wall, curtain and tinted glass. It just bothered him that he couldn't take a shower in peace but L could. He wasn't trusted enough to do something as simple as that? What, was he going to kill off random criminals in the shower stall?

Raito scoffed, and replaced his arm, ignoring the throbbing pain in his chest from the bruises. He would have to ask L to call Watari for some pain killers and plenty of gauze. Misa alone might destroy him today.

The door opened and Raito refused to lift his arm. Let L think he was asleep, or maybe deep in thought. Not like he could go anywhere anyway. Water dripped onto his foot. He refused to show reaction, and waited until L was past him and near the furniture that held the cuff. With a click, he was again linked to the other part of his destiny.

"Yagami-kun, I know you aren't asleep. Your chest is rising too quickly for you to be, and your reaction to the water shows that you're not deep in thought, so there is no need for the charade," said L, jingling the chain links. Raito moved his arm and glared, noting that it was back to 'Yagami-kun'. Why, why, why? What was he missing?

"Thank you, Watari," said L.

"Breakfast will be brought up momentarily. The team is anxious to know why you are late today, Ryuuzaki."

"That will be all for now." L closed the laptop with a snap and fingered the towel on his head, which was doing little to soak up the water that dripped from his onyx hair.

Raito rose and padded his way to the shower, dragging L as if he wasn't there. He heard the short gasp of surprise, but didn't truly care. He was too frustrated to care. He just wanted to stand beneath the spray of the water, and hope that all the cramped muscles and screaming tendons from the morning's nightmare would go down the drain.

Raito didn't acknowledge L's presence, and just gave him a nod when he uncuffed him long enough for him to take off his shirt – he couldn't take off his shirt with the cuff _on_ – then reattaching it and turned away to go behind the wall.

At least Raito was somewhat by himself. He stepped beneath the heated spray and sighed as the tensed muscles went lax. His mind went blank; he didn't need to think for at least ten minutes. But his brain refused to stay silent for the allotted time, and as he wiped the suds from his hair, it thought up all the fun queries and looks that would be thrown his way. His chained hand, which was outside the shower – as the chain was already stretched farther than it should be – jerked, and he wondered just what L was up to. Finishing his shower, he reached out and grasped the towel that hung from the rung, covering himself. Stepping out, he noted that there was another pair of jeans already out for him, and realized that Watari had most likely brought a pair in for him, handed them to L, and the sneaky little bastard had snuck in here to place them on the stool.

_He had better have kept his eyes shut._ Raito pulled the jeans on and stepped from behind the wall, all the time keeping his glower in place. L was sitting in his usual style on a stool, toes attacking the wood, thumb gliding over his lower lip. His eyes were closed, which was an odd sight, and on his arm was another shirt.

"Watari brought your clothes while you were in the shower, Yagami-kun. I hope this suffices," he said, without opening his eyes. Raito snatched it away from him and held out his arm, the one that was cuffed. L opened his eyes, and uncuffed him, waiting till he was dressed before unfurling himself from the chair and repeating the cuffing process once again.

They left the room soon after, going down eleven floors and onto the main investigation floor. All the while, as the elevator sped its merry way down, Raito's mind ran away on a tangent, coming up with numerous conversations that would fly their way the minute they stepped out.

Surprisingly, no words came their way. Something entirely different did; a flurry of blonde hair and a squeal.

"Raito-kun!"

Pain. Sharp rocketing agony shot through his chest and sweat broke out over his body. Nausea spiralled in his stomach as arms wrapped tightly around his chest, putting pressure on the bruises, making the nerves scream, causing black spots to appear on his vision.

Suddenly, the arms left him in a jerk and he felt a pair of soft hands on his shoulder and chest, holding him up as he gagged. His hands shook, his vision wavered...

Again, he hadn't factored everything in!

What was wrong with him? Was he losing his touch?

The blonde in front of him stared in utter shock. Her blue eyes were wide, and her full lips trembled, hands clasped in an eager position in front of her face. She was wearing red and black today, striped socks coming up mid thigh. Her hair was in semi-pig tails, and if she had more of a brain beneath her hair Raito might have actually liked her, but right now he wanted to throttle her. Why Amane Misa wasn't in her room and down in the investigations office was beyond him.

He glanced over at the person that was holding him and nodded slightly at L, but even that motion caused his head to corkscrew into another bout of dizziness. Raito realized that one of his hands was clamped firmly around L's wrist, and that he was most likely hurting the other youth, but right now he needed someone steady to hold him up, or he would crumple to the floor. He didn't think the bruises would cause this much pain! Maybe he had broken something? No, the chains hadn't been wrapped around the two of them that tightly...and Misa wasn't that strong.

He felt another hand touch his shoulder. Glancing up, he saw his father standing over him, the crinkles at the edge of his eyes obviously showing his worry. Raito was about to respond to his father's gesture, when L jerked him away, back toward the elevator without another word to any of the others around them. The doors closed behind them, and all Raito saw were the teams' shocked faces, mirroring his own.

"What are you doing?" asked Raito, loosening his grasp on the detective's wrist.

"Taking you up to the medical room."

"Why didn't you allow my father to join us?"

L furrowed his eyebrows, as if this simple question truly perplexed him. His back pocket suddenly began ringing some random rock tune and he was spared having to answer. Releasing Raito's shoulder – but keeping one hand against his chest because it was pinned already – he fished it out of his pocket and held it up in his usual manner; two fingers pinching the item as if it were about to bite him or infect him with some communicable disease.

"Hello? Yes...yes I did. No, he didn't do as I asked, but truth be told, I hadn't the chance – Amane-san? Yes, she was there. Yes that is why. Yes. We'll be there soon. Thank-you, Watari," L ended the call with a click of his phone and slipped it back in his pocket. The doors opened moments later and he ushered Raito out, being surprisingly gentle.

The medical room they entered was diminutive, most of the space converted into shelving. Two hospital beds sat side-by-side with a simple white sheet between them for privacy. Watari stood beside one of these beds, his glasses pushed up the bridge of his broad nose. L nodded towards the elderly man and deposited Raito onto the bed, finally disengaging his wrist from the youth's grasp.

Watari went to work, poking and prodding, asking if it hurt. Raito refused to blatantly shout, '_Of course_ it hurts, or else there wouldn't be inflammation!' L stood beside him, chewing on his nail and watching everything except the procedure. The process was almost complete without incident when the door opened to reveal the entire team, staring intently inside. Needless to say, Raito had his shirt off, and his bruises visible, and the gauze was just being applied.

"Raito! What happened to you?" exclaimed his father, striding to his side. Raito slid his eyes over to L, who was finding his fingernail extremely fascinating at the moment.

"Yagami-kun wouldn't quit his fidgeting, thus it hurt," said L absently. Everyone turned to the detective, and Raito noted the shocked expressions on their faces. Why L had to say it like _that_, as if they had been doing something aside from catching up on much needed sleep, drove Raito into a frenzy.

"What Ryuuzaki means is whilst sleeping the chain became entangled around me," explained Raito hastily, dropping his arm after Watari finished with the gauze. He shot a glare in L's direction, but truth be told, the other youth seemed to find the expressions on their team's faces much more intriguing than the warning being waved deliberately in his face.

"This chain is a liability and is hindering my son's performance and health. Take it off, Ryuuzaki," said his father, trying to ignore the wad of gauze now wrapped around his son's torso. Raito rolled his eyes and stuck his arm out, waiting for L to uncuff him so he could get dressed.

L didn't move, just stared at the arm outstretched towards him. "Why is everyone here, when Kira is moving about freely?"

At that moment, Raito realized just how much Ryuuzaki was trying to ruin him.

He stuttered and grabbed his shirt, forcing it on one arm, while trying to keep his balance as L dragged him from the room like a disobedient dog. The rest of the team followed shortly after, but again not before the elevator doors closed in their surprised faces.

Raito turned to L, no longer able to keep his patience. "What has you so irked?"

L said nothing, just grabbed the chained hand and unlocked it, allowing Raito to slide his shirt on. Reattaching the chain, L turned back to the elevator doors, obviously miserable about something. His face was stoic, but with extensive hours of 'L watching' Raito had come to recognize that not all of L's emotions could be masked. His eyes betrayed too much, and the way his lips twitched when irritated gave him away. And right now, he was downright depressed.

Raito shifted his weight, looking at L from the corner of his eye. His brain whirled at possibilities, and soon came to the most logical. Last night. He had rattled the usually composed detective with his unbalancing accident. Why hadn't he seen the connection before? He would blame it on sleep or L, like he was getting into the habit of doing.

He watched for the telltale signs that L was truly cantankerous. His lip twitched, and he hid it by lifting his hand to his mouth to chew aggressively on his nail. Raito smirked, and looked up at the lights above the elevator door. They arrived on their floor and stepped out. L made his way to his chair, sitting down roughly and began typing with one hand, keeping the other hand firmly attached to his mouth.

Raito sat down more gracefully, watching his new discovery. With everything that was going on, maybe he should apologize for what happened, and make the detective more comfortable. Wait, come to think of it, when had Raito ever been comfortable in this situation? If anything, _he_ deserved an apology!

"Ryuuzaki, your computer isn't on," drawled Raito, watching with grim satisfaction as the already irate detective bristled at being told something he obviously didn't know. He flicked a hand towards the button and the computer made a feeble beep, signalling that it hadn't enjoyed being typed on while shut down. L waited, his hair hiding the only doorway to his emotions – aside from his twitching lip, which he was trying to mask with his thumb.

He spoke suddenly, drawing Raito's attention, "Yagami-kun, I apologize for dragging you around when you were injured so."

Raito blinked. Had an apology just slipped from L's lips? A look of guilt had fled across L's face before he looked away. Raito felt his eyes soften and nodded slightly, accepting the apology, "Apology accepted."

The elevator door opened before L had a chance to reply, and the team spilled into the investigation room. Misa walked timidly over to Raito, all the while looking like a dejected puppy walking towards a punishment. Her hands fidgeted with her short skirt; her head was down, and there was something in the crook of her elbow. He was horrified to see a fluffy white bunny poking out of the gift bag.

"Raito-kun, Misa is sorry for hurting you. She did not know you would be in pain if she hugged you. So, Misa went and bought you a present!" She thrust the bag into his hands and looked at him with a hopeful expression, begging for praise.

Raito saw L watching the proceedings through a gap in his hair. At least he no longer looked depressed; on the contrary, he looked bemused.

Raito accepted the gift, pulling out the soft rabbit. He nodded towards Misa, and she clapped her hands in delight, making a move towards him. He raised a hand, and she stopped, biting her lip and going back to her disconsolate stare, scuffing her shoe on the tiled floor. Instead, she motioned towards the bag, and Raito dipped his hand in again, coming out with a double box of expensive chocolates.

"Misa hopes that Raito-kun likes chocolates. Misa got them from her manager after she had to fire her," Misa pursued her lips and shot a glance at Matsuda, who was to be her new manager.

"Thank you, Misa," said Raito, not missing the way L's eyes had lit up at the mention of the imported chocolates. Raito could use these as leverage to get some sleep tonight, though he wouldn't mind eating a few before giving them up.

"Amane-san, please return to your room. You are compromising our investigation by hindering Yagami-kun's ability to keep his eyes on the computer," muttered L. He was fidgeting again, and still hadn't detached his thumbnail from between his clenched teeth. Raito raised an eyebrow at the lead detective. No one else seemed to notice the fact that he was agitated, but if this kept up, Raito would be bunking with an exceptionally incensed insomniac.

Misa huffed, crossing her arms and glared menacingly at L. "Raito-kun doesn't want Misa to leave, does he?" she asked, gazing adoringly at Raito. Her object of affection blinked, drawn away from staring at L's twitching cheek.

"Sadly, Misa, we do have plenty of work to catch up on," replied Raito, glancing at the colour-coded pieces of paper sitting beside his computer. He swore they were mocking him. "I'll come visit you in your room later, all right?" He cursed his tongue the minute the words left his lips.

Misa clapped her hands in delight and made another move to hug him. Raito held up his hands, and she was reminded of the pain she had caused him. Sobering, she smiled sweetly at him and walked away, waving at each team member – excluding Ryuuzaki, whom she glared at – before rushing up the stairs.

* * *

The day continued with no new events. Raito went to work on the paper, which he eventually began balancing precariously on the edge of his desk just to see how long it would take to fall. Six o'clock came quickly, and the rest of the team stretched and said their good-byes, leaving the two shackled youths alone again. 

Raito pushed the stack back onto the desk – it had already fallen twice – and glanced over at L. He had been chewing relentlessly on his thumbnail for the duration of the day, eyes riveted on the screen, only stopping to eat twice, which was unlike him. Even Watari, who had brought their lunch and dinner, was worried about his employer. He had served enough sweets to make children in pre-school have heart attacks just to see if he could coax the detective into relinquishing his sudden despondent disposition into eating. Raito figured L's blood sugar was nearing the warning low right about now.

Raito moved the sheets beneath his fingers. He had managed to get through three quarters of the names before his eyes blurred and his mind meandered off. Oddly enough, it hadn't wandered far. To be specific, it had ambled directly towards the agitated investigator who had drawn his attention quite a lot as of late. And not in ways Raito thought were good.

Truth be told, the university student was becoming quite distraught as well. He was having thoughts, thoughts that any self respecting teenager of his standing _should not_ have. His thoughts pertained to the way L shifted ever so slightly on his chair, and how his hair drooped over his eyes whenever he didn't wish for someone to notice his aggravation. He noticed the slight curve of L's lips as they lifted when treats were delivered, and dropped when one of the team members asked a rhetorical question. He noticed when the slender fingers moved over the keyboard just enough to touch the keys, but not adequately enough to actually indent the fingers. He especially noticed the way L's back had arched this morning, when the pillows had been positioned just so beneath him. Everything he noticed was being filed away in that small part of his mind that was slowly becoming stronger, calling out to him. And the part that truly irked him was that he was beginning to listen to it.

This morning's events were to be added to his growing list of 'Things Raito Didn't Need to Worry About but Would Anyways'.

L's hand stilled, and his head dropped, again hiding his emotions. Raito blinked, drawing his eyes away from L's fingers and up to the youth's face. His cheek was trembling, that soft, almost inaudible twitch that gave away his worry.

"Yagami-kun, we're moving the investigation upstairs," he whispered, uncurling from the chair. Raito stared. It was only nine o'clock. They usually stayed downstairs until at least two in the morning before moving upstairs.

"May I query as to why?" enquired Raito, saving his data. He picked up his laptop just as L began to move.

"No."

Raito stayed silent as the detective made his way up the stairs. Something was definitely wrong, and Raito was having his doubts about the 'Last Night' analysis. It no longer seemed that was it. If he had shaken up the detective that bad, maybe he should just apologize right now and get it over with.

As they stood within the elevator, Raito was still caught within his own inner turmoil. Apologize to L, make the detective calmer and maybe weed a few hours of extra sleep from him, or not apologize to L and have no sleep at all. Even if he did apologize, would L accept it? Would he just be making the detective more frustrated and dishevelled? Hell, he was making himself flustered just thinking about it.

The elevator dinged and L flew out of the door way, leaving Raito with no choice but to up his pace, or be dragged haplessly behind. L fought with the handle to their room and finally forced it open, marching in. Raito barely had time to close the door behind him when he was attacked by the end of the chain.

It struck him in the middle of his chest, leaving him speechless. L had thrown the cuff at him and was now sitting down on the end of the bed, thumbnail _still_ indivisibly attached to his teeth. He was turned partially away from Raito, feet playing with the carpeting.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Sleep, Raito-kun. I'll wake you in the morning," he said, standing. And then he exited the room.

Raito was frozen to the spot. He was still holding the chain, the cuff bumping gently against his thigh. L had just left him in the room. Alone. Without surveillance. _Was he _**insane**?

Raito didn't know what to do. He was torn between following the detective back out into the hallway and demanding what was wrong, and following his advice and getting some sleep. He chose the former.

He wound the chain around his waist and tucked the cuff into his belt before opening the door. He stumbled out into the hallway and then realized his quandary. He had no idea which way Ryuuzaki had gone. Taking his chances, he rushed down the passage opposite the elevator – as it was still on their floor – checking each room on the way. Eventually he came to the end of the corridor, and to the last door.

He grasped the handle and took a breath. This was the only logical place left. Turning the handle, he opened the door and walked into darkness.

He groped the side wall, searching for a light-switch. Not finding one, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. The outline of boxes piled against the outer ring of the room and the low ceiling had Raito concluding that this room was a storage facility. And in the corner of the area was a hunched form with disarrayed hair.

Raito moved deeper within the room, taking care to skirt the boxes that hung perilously. He neared the quiet form and knelt beside it.

"You have become obstinate as of late, Raito-kun. I can only conclude that sleep deprivation is the cause," whispered the figure, turning.

"Sleep deficiency has its restrictions, Ryuuzaki. However, leaving me within a room without surveillance was not within your limits."

A grin graced L's thin lips. "Ah, but you could have chosen a number of different paths, aside from following my person."

"True, but where is the fun in that?"

L's smile grew a little wider, and he turned away again. Raito took a chance and sat down with his back to L, leaning against the other. He felt L stiffen, but then he relaxed and they continued in silence.

"Are you going to tell me why you left in such a hurry, leaving a suspected megalomaniac alone in a room without supervision? Twice, I might add," asked Raito, looking around the storage room.

"The first occasion wasn't without supervision. I was within the room, and could easily handle any situation. Besides, I could explain my actions, but why ruin the surprise."

"I personally don't wish to return to a room where I have to watch you chew off your own hand just because you cannot cope with emotional stress." Raito knew he was pressing, but he needed to know. Everything that was occurring in this moment was so unlike the detective that Raito couldn't truly comprehend it all.

"Are my emotions that important to you, Raito-kun?" asked L, his voice suddenly quiet.

Raito felt the ambience of the room shift. He glanced over his shoulder at his rival, and noticed that L was more hunched, his head down a little more, and Raito knew he was chewing on his thumbnail as he usually did in a situation that perturbed him. Raito also knew that his answer would either drive the detective into a deeper spiral of melancholy or back into his usual state. He had to choose his words carefully.

"Honestly, I am unsure," answered Raito, shifting his back. He felt L raise his head and turn to look at him, and he continued, "Everything has been confusing me lately, and it seems you are in the eye of the storm. Once I figure that out, I'll have your answer. But to be blatantly candid, your emotions _are_ imperative to me, because I seem to be the only one you allow to see them." Raito turned his head to the side, catching L's eye. "Maybe it's not so bad having someone care for you, Ryuuzaki?"

L stared at him in shocked silence, eyes wider than their usual state. His mouth worked as if he wanted to say something, and then he looked down, "Thank you, Raito-kun."

Raito smiled softly, and fished out the end of the cuff. He unwound himself and handed the end to L. With a click, he was again attached to the other part of his destiny.

And maybe that wasn't so bad.

* * *

**A/N:** So ends Chapter 2! Ah, I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Mainly because I got to pick on Raito. Well, L has now uncuffed Raito TWICE...I don't think that's a good idea personally...but hey, who knows. **REVIEW** please!! And more songs would be appreciated! My MP3 has finally decided to love me again ((huggles it)) All right, wait for the next update! Major fluff coming up...((wink)) 

Next Update:  
**06/08/07**


	3. Chocolate Bunnies

**A/N:** This chapter was extremely arduous to write. I don't know why, but nothing would click together for me with it. Though I did eventually get it off the ground, I'm still not one hundred percent satisfied.

Also, I wish to mention a very Happy Birthday to my wonderful friend, who has been editing all my shotty work. It means a lot to me dear! (and if you change your name one more time, I'm never dedicating anything to you. Ever. Again.) She is an anon right now, and the name she was using before was **_Dancinginbloodiedshoes._** This chapter is for you, lovely!

Now, to begin the excruciating process of reading my (cough) hurried work. (sigh) Oh well. Enjoy!

Listened to **In Pieces - Linkin Park **and **Possession - Sarah McLachlan**. Ahhhh. Continuation! (scurries away to find tea)

* * *

**Chapter 3  
Chocolate Bunnies**

Raito awoke in the strange storage room that he had found L in the night before. Warmth was pressed against his back, and for once he didn't wake with L staring at him with his owlish eyes. Blinking blurrily, and waiting for his brain to do a complete reboot, he looked around the room. It was still plunged in darkness, but fingers of gold were stretched across the floor, illuminating the boxes he had skirted the night before. Raito found it humorous to see that most of the boxes were labelled 'Sweets'.

The warmth pressed against him shifted and he stiffened, suddenly unsure. Come to think of it, where was L? He glanced over his shoulder, and found himself staring into a mat of onyx hair. Suppressing a yelp of surprise, he rewound his memory to last night. He had found L within the room, crouched and miserable, and had talked to him for a short while. After that he had given him the cuff. Then what?

He remembered closing his eyes for a short period. He gasped, commemoration hitting him like a freight train filled with L's favourite sweets. He had fallen asleep with his back against L. And now...

The head shifted, and he felt something grasp the back of his shirt. L had turned in his sleep, so now instead of sitting back to back, as they had been previously, L was curled cat-like against Raito's back, soaking up the last few precious moments of sleep before Raito rudely awoke him, and turned everything upside-down.

Raito sighed, pressing his forehead against his bent knee. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was nine thirty. They were late. Again. This was becoming a rather nasty little habit, and not in a good way. Wait, that was a bad thought. His mind had turned unbidden to things that were better left in a gutter somewhere on an adult website. He twitched and decided now would be a good time to disentangle himself from L before his brain went on another fantasy tangent. More bad thoughts. He quickly ended that thought train before it had a chance to solidify and turned his head to look back at his rival.

Raito couldn't help it; his eyes softened. L was curled against him, his cheek resting between Raito's shoulder blades, both hands on Raito's back, one hand on his shoulder, and the other tucked just below his chin, curled into the fabric of Raito's shirt. His face was no longer masked by that careful facade they both fought to keep in place. His mouth was parted slightly, and a piece of hair was being fluttered by the air that passed softly between his lips. One knee was near his chest whilst the other was stretched out. He looked peaceful in sleep, no longer burdened by the necessities of the case.

Raito found his unchained hand had come unconsciously to L's hair, touching the strands. Surprisingly, it was soft, almost silky, not oily like Raito had figured from someone who ate nothing but sweets. Too late he realized what he was doing and drew back, thus rousing the sleeping detective and beginning the chaos.

L's eyes opened dreamily, blinking once, twice, and then they flicked up to Raito's face, which happened to be frozen between fear and that softened look that had caught him unawares just moments before. His hand was just inches from L's hair, and Raito berated himself for doing something so unlike him, and for wanting to do it again. That thought blindsided him and he slammed shut the door on that notion, hoping to mask the horror that suddenly overtook his features.

L jumped backwards, stifling a yelp. Raito watched him with bemused eyes and straightened his back, which had cramped due to L's awkward positioning. He glanced back at L, who was crouched as if ready for an attack, and said, "If you're done your morning aerobics, may we rejoin the team? We're late once again."

L stared at him, wariness creeping across his features. Raito wondered if he was doing something wrong; maybe he should've gone on the defensive as well, or better yet, struck out at L. But he was getting used to their new routine by now – have a moment the night before, and get up late the next morning. The team _would_ get suspicious if this didn't end. However, they were all idiots, so they probably had a few more tries.

Raito stood, and felt his shoulders shriek at him for not finding something comfortable to sleep on the night before. Granted, L was an extremely comfortable object – wait, stop that thought before it got out of hand. Raito felt his face flame and tried to control his blushing before L noticed.

"Raito-kun, is there a reason for the sudden red tint on your cheeks?" asked L.

Too late.

"No. Let's go."

L cocked his head to the side and stood, his face stoic. At least he had returned to his normal state and was no longer waist deep in depression. Maybe what Raito had said had worked.

They waded their way through the boxes, Raito reading each label just to see if maybe one cardboard prison wasn't filled to the brim with sweets. He wasn't having much luck with that process. L stopped in front of one of the boxes, thumb tracing an outline on the bottom of his lip. Raito glanced over and saw the label 'Easter Chocolate' in bold pink and black letters and raised an eyebrow.

"Ryuuzaki, you should eat normal food for breakfast, not chocolate."

"You forget, Raito-kun, that chocolate and sweets are normal for me," retorted L, walking over to the box and inspecting it. Raito rolled his eyes and followed, watching as L extracted an exacto-knife from his pocket and deftly cut through the masking tape. After opening the box with little difficulty, he pulled out three cellophane clad sugary delights.

Chocolate rabbits.

Raito stared in disgust as L unwrapped one of the sugared concoctions and stuffed the other two into his pockets. He took a bite and then prompted to drag Raito towards the door. However, they were stalled in their journey when Raito accidentally hit one of the boxes that was connected to the precariously hanging ones.

The two stopped, staring as the box wavered, waiting, waiting, and then it fell, bumping into one of the stabilized bottom boxes. However, that was the only one that seemed to be secure within the whole structure. And as the boxes jolted, Raito only had one thought blast through the barrier of his mind. _L would snap like twig if he was hit_.

"Ryuuzaki!" Raito shouted, shoving the detective out of the way as the boxes tumbled their way down.

He managed to dodge the first two, but the third, ironically an Easter box, hit him on his back, pinning him to the floor. He felt the chain jerk, and was unsure whether or not L was being berated by boxes or was trapped with the cardboard all around him. It seemed as if the whole room was collapsing from his one simple mistake. He covered his head, yet it was impossible as the chain wouldn't stop jerking back and forth, drawing his hand away from his skull and leaving him vulnerable. Sure enough, he was struck by another sweets box and pain exploded behind his eyes. Darkness ate at his vision as he groaned in pain, irked that the chain still had yet to give up its movements.

Raito's last thought before he darkness took him was of bitter irony.

_Taken out by sweets..._

* * *

Raito blinked, blinding light making him wince. He tried to lift his arm, but it refused to listen to him, so he went back to attempting to hinder the lights path into his eyes, but it was of no use; it was as if it wanted to harm him. Growling, he closed his eyes and let his useless arm hit the soft barrier that he was lying on. He felt his left arm twitch, and wondered vaguely what was going on, how he got here, and when he was going to be released. Odd that he would think the latter concept. He had been injured, had he not? He didn't remember much, but an image formed in his mind of a chocolate bunny... 

His left arm was lifted suddenly, but there was no real force holding it. It was as if it was behaving on its own. Panic fluttered in his stomach and he jerked his arm back to his side. A sharp gasp reached his ears and Raito furrowed his eyebrows, wondering who was with him. He cracked open his eyes again, this time waiting for his pupils to adjust to the blinding shards of light that pierced them. He could make out an outline of someone beside him; a hunched form with unkempt hair. A hand was raised near his face, thin fingers that seemed to be shaking as if unsure. He knew this person.

He glanced around from beneath narrowed lids, noting that there were other outlines, barely visible, off to the right of his bed. They weren't as clear, nor did they seem as vital as the one beside him, the one with the shaking fingers. The figures outside his view – they seemed to be behind something, something that made them blurred. Maybe a sheet? He was becoming more conscious, and realized with a sharp jolt that nearly every part of his being hurt.

A soft touch against his cheek had his narrowed eyes shoot back to the person beside him. They were touching his cheek, trailing shaking fingers up and down, and they were saying something, but he couldn't make out what was being said. He closed his eyes, savouring the touch. It felt...nice, comforting. The fingers were becoming more confident, and he sighed, moving his head slightly into their touch. He realized his mistake when the figure halted, and the shaking began again. Maybe he should have remained impassive and feigned sleep instead of turning towards the warmth.

That one thought jostled a memory about a storage room. And just as suddenly a slew of reminiscences crashed into his mind, opened by one simple gesture from someone who sat in the midst of his confusion.

Raito sat straight up, dislodging L's hand from his cheek, eyes wide in panic and in agony. His head hurt; he realized there was a bandage around his skull. Many other bandages adorned his body, including quite a large patch on his back. Raito was breathing erratically, panic setting in once more. He remembered the boxes falling, falling straight for L and he had acted on impulse, pushing him away from danger. He slid his gaze over to L and saw a scratch just below the youth's eye, and a bruise was visible beneath the collar of his shirt. So, L hadn't escaped peril after all. If he hadn't bumped into that one box...

"Raito-kun, do not blame yourself. It was an accident," whispered L, watching his expression. Raito glanced at him again, holding his gaze. In it he saw acceptance for what had happened, and something else. Was it worry?

Raito placed a hand over his eye, closing both. In truth, he was trying to retain the warmth of L's fingers on his cheek. Odd, that he would do such a thing, but then again, everything he had been doing as of late was anomalous. L was making him act out of character, and making him feel differently. No, this was not what Yagami Raito was supposed to feel. Yagami Ratio was supposed to be composed, supposed to find logical explanations for everything.

Then why couldn't he find one now, for why he wanted L's fingers on him again?

He removed his hand and let out a breath, pacifying himself. Opening his eyes again, he looked around, and realized he was back in the medical room, on one of the beds. He was creating quite a record for himself; he had been injured twice in two days. The figures were the rest of the team, hidden behind a sheet. He counted five; Watari had most likely come to bandage him up again. He felt an odd sense of gratitude towards the elderly man.

Sighing, Raito swung his legs out and touched the cold tile of the floor. L watched him, not making any move to stop or touch him. Raito speculated that he was still shaken by his actions towards him, especially with everything that had transpired that morning. However, when Raito made a move to stand, L was beside him in a blink, hands on his chest and shoulder, holding him up. Raito nodded towards him and took a wavering step forward, testing his balance. The pain wasn't that bad – again he cogitated that Watari had given him a good dosage of Morphine or some other pain drug.

"I'd prefer we leave before my father or the rest of the team becomes aware of my movements," said Raito, leaning heavily on L. The investigator mulled this over, glancing at the shadowy figures before shrugging and moving to the opposite side of the room. They easily left the room before anyone suspected that Raito had woken up, leaving via the elevator.

L had yet to release Raito but that was fine with the youth, who was still using him as a support beam. He was also finding it hard to concentrate as he could feel L's fingers through the fabric of his shirt, and that brought more confusion to his already bewildered mind. There had to be some form of logic in what he was feeling towards the detective. Maybe it was the drugs messing with his hormones. Or maybe it was just his hormones in general, and since he was trapped with L twenty-four seven, they were honing in on – _okay_, ending transmission.

"Raito-kun, your face has gone unusually red. Leaving has brought your chances of contracting some type of infection up by thirty percent."

Raito swallowed and pushed himself away from L. He needed to get away, just for a short period of time at least. But the moment he was released from L's grasp, his legs decided to go on a short vacation and he crumpled to the elevator floor. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. He sensed L's presence beside him, eyes roaming over his features, watching his face and he chose to ignore it, though it was unusually calming. Maybe things could be rebuffed by logic every now and then.

"Ryuuzaki, do you believe something aside from my injuries is wrong with me?" asked Raito, turning his head to gaze at L. The detective was crouched beside him, thumb tracing the bottom of his lip in its usual track. It stopped when their eyes met, and L cocked his head to the side, perplexed.

"Is something bothering you, Raito-kun?"

Raito sighed, "Yes. Why have you been using my first name so freely as of late?"

L's eyes roamed his own and then he glanced over at the elevator door. They were almost at their floor. L rose and walked over to the elevators main controls, flicking open a small box near the bottom and hitting the red button. The whole elevator shuddered to a halt; the lights flickered and went out; the camera to the side blinking its feeble last moments before it too died, causing Raito to freeze in panic. An emergency light of red flickered into life, but it did little to calm the irregular beat of Raito's heart. _What was L doing_?

His eyes adjusted quickly to the dim lighting and Raito found L beside him once more, this time with his back against the elevator wall, staring up at the numbers. Raito waited for an explanation but nothing came. Just silence stretched between the two of them. A comforting silence, but then again, they were eleven floors above the main lobby, so Raito wondered how unperturbed he truly was.

"Would you be surprised if I told you I haven't been myself these last few days?" came L's voice, breaking the silence. Raito looked over at him, and L met his gaze. "Of course not, because you have come to this conclusion yourself." A soft smile graced L's lips as he broke eye contact. "I'm as perplexed as you are in this matter. These handcuffs are hindering us both, yet I cannot take them off as that would compromise the promise I made to myself. There is still a one percent chance you are Kira, and even with that slim possibility, I cannot allow myself to endanger the rest of the team." L sighed, bringing his thumbnail to his lips. "Yet…there is something else that is perturbing me. Something I wish to explore but am afraid. You understand my dilemma?"

"If I knew the nature of your quandary then I might be able to give you some pointers. Otherwise, I'm at a loss," Raito swallowed hard. He suspected he knew where L was heading with this conversation, and a part of him hoped for it. Yet another part was telling him that if things took that turn, it would be like standing in a cave with no flashlight and an unknown creature breathing down his neck.

L continued as if not hearing Raito's words, "I have always been a solo operator, and to have someone I – well, that is another matter for me to delve into. Maybe I will ask your advice in this matter at a later time? You asked me before why I have been using your first name more freely. It is because you are my friend, Raito-kun, and since we are friends, I believe we should be able to use our first names without restraint."

"There won't exactly be a better time than now to ask my advice about your dilemma," supplied Raito, mulling over L's answer to his question. Were they just friends? Why didn't that soothe him, instead of make him nervous? What was wrong with him?

"If I knew how to word my problem, I would, yet everything isn't where it should be. I cannot get the words to come out properly. Perhaps, if I showed you…?"

Raito stared, the nervous twist in his stomach becoming a roaring wave. L had turned his head back to Raito and was looking at him with his usual dreamlike facade, yet now it seemed more serious. All Raito could hear was white noise, blotting out everything. _No, Raito, you're thinking about this too much; stop thinking about it. Just let things go. _L cocked his head to the side, watching him curiously, and Raito shifted, wondering, always wondering. Would it happen? Was he putting too much thought into this? _What was going to happen_?

"Your face is more pallid than it was before we entered the elevator, Raito-kun. I think we should get you some rest. It was unsafe to leave the medical room," whispered L.

Raito felt his control snap. He was too confused, too lost in everything that had been occurring. First, this detective taunted him, pulling, pulling, only to push him away at the last moment, right when he was ready to dive. Second, he was taunting _himself_ with ideas and thoughts that made no sense. He couldn't stand the strain anymore. He needed to know. Was he ready to throw away his logic in place of instinct, or was he lost to a world of wondering what was to come?

He took to instinct.

Shifting so he was facing L, determination in his russet eyes, he placed both hands on the detective's skinny shoulders. L looked up at him in surprise, dropping his hand away from his lips. Raito swallowed, and tried to ignore both sides of his mind as they screamed at him, rebuffing each other, calling for his attention. With every last shred of his logic flying down the elevator shaft, he took the initiative and leaned forward.

He heard the detective inhale in astonishment.

And in that instant, Raito's life decided to crumble around him. To be meticulous, the elevator decided to punish him at that moment.

It plummeted.

L fell backwards, carrying Raito with him. Raito collapsed onto L, and realized that they were plunging eleven floors in a steel death trap. Great. He had tested his feelings only to be prosecuted by an inanimate object.

"This seems familiar," muttered L, looking up at Raito. Raito stared incredulously down at the detective, who seemed untouched by the fact that a) they were _plummeting eleven floors to their deaths_ and b) he had just been kissed by a mass murderer – actually, technically, Raito hadn't completed that task so it shouldn't count.

"Ryuuzaki, how the hell do we stop this elevator?" snapped Raito, gritting his teeth. His head suddenly felt extremely light, and the nauseous feeling hadn't left his stomach.

L cocked his head to the side, looking up at the ceiling past Raito's head. "Well, you could always press the red button again. Granted, I don't know if it will work if you push it twice."

Raito forced himself off of L, staggering to his feet. He ripped open the metallic door and jammed his thumb against the button.

The elevator shuddered to a stop.

The lights flickered on.

The camera bleeped to show it was running once more.

And Raito lost consciousness.

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, I left it at a cliffy. Isn't that exciting? I thought so. So yes, **REVIEW** and stay tuned for the next update. It's a little later, because Finals are coming up, but I will get it to you! And I'll make sure it's long. Go me! 

Next Date:  
**20/06/07**


	4. Fever Dreams

**A/N:** So, as promised, an extremely long chapter. One of my favourites I must say. Now, to answer some reviewers!

_**mindreader208**: _Actually, I quite like Misa as a character. Even though she seems a little annoying at times, she is whole heartedly devoted to Raito. So no, there will be no Misa bashing in my story. Though you did say I could kill her off...((muse))

And that was really the only reviewer that asked a question. Oh! I also did quite well on my exams...well maybe not Math. Meh.

Songs I was listening to: **Requiem of a Dream - LotR** (if you don't know what **LotR **means, just burn) and **Innocent Eyes - Delta Goodrem**.

* * *

**Chapter 4  
Fever Dreams**

_Rain pattered downwards, thundering against the concrete, bouncing off twisted metal and crushed rubble. It drowned out the screams and soothed away the cities hurts. Yet it couldn't hide everything. It couldn't hide the truth._

_Raito moved backwards, stepping over warped metal and discarded residue. The city was in ruins. Everything was in ruins! What had happened? Where was he? He remembered the elevator, his rash decision. He remembered staggering to his feet and pressing the button. What had happened afterwards? __**Where was he?!**_

_Rain lashed at his face, pulling at his clothing and hair. He was in the middle of a street, staring out at the remnants of his city. There was nothing left. Fires burned, though the water tried to wash it away. Chunks of once proud skyscrapers lay crumbling near the ground. Sirens wailed. Church bells – he could hear church bells in the distance. _

_Suddenly he heard a new sound. It crashed into view not ten meters in front of him. Fifteen people, all dressed in black, with masks over their faces and clutching books stepped through the dust of a broken wall. Raito froze. He was dressed in black as well, but his face wasn't covered. He would be spotted if he stayed here._

_So he ran._

_The people cried out, but he was already behind another building, ignoring the ice cold water lashing at his face, ignoring the nagging feeling in the back of his skull, ignoring everything. He had seen a glimpse of a building still standing, a building that was familiar to him. Maybe _he_ would be there. It was his only chance._

_The church bells were deafening._

_As he ran he spotted life; small bits of life torn from their usual state to hang out windows and huddle in corners to cry out lonely songs of pain and isolation. How did his world become this? Where did everything go wrong? Where in God's name was he?_

_He was almost at the building's entrance when a thunderous roar began behind him. He was blasted off his feet and rolled, landing heavily at the entryway. Coughing and sputtering, he pushed off debris and rolled onto his stomach to stare through his sodden hair._

_The fifteen people he had witnessed before stood in front him, watching from behind their masks. They seemed to be waiting for something, their pale hands clasping the dark notebooks to their chests. Some were short, others tall; some female and others male. Overall, they seemed frightened of his presence. One stood out, their head held high. They strode forward, but were halted by a single voice resonating from behind Raito._

"_Raito-kun?"_

_Raito turned his head, hope swelling up inside of him. A figure was clinging to the edge of the buildings metallic frame, shadowed from further inspection, but his voice was easily recognized. Raito scrambled to his feet._

"_Ryuuzaki!"_

_The figure took a wavering step forward, torn between dashing back into the safety of the building and rushing towards Raito. He chose neither, staying confined within the shadows. Instead, he called out in a hoarse voice, "You've been dead for three years! This is another one of your devious tricks, Kira. Such tactics will not work."_

_Raito blinked, perplexed. "Ryuuzaki, what are you talk –"_

"_Kill him! Quickly!"_

_Raito whipped his head back around. The leader of the fifteen stood with his arm outstretched, finger pointed towards the shadows. The other fourteen opened their notebooks, drawing up their pens to place them on the bone white paper. Death hung in the air._

_They were going to kill L._

"_Stop!" shouted Raito, hastily jumping in front of L's darkened form. The fourteen hesitated. They glanced between Raito and the leader, obviously diffident. One figure dropped his hand, and tucked the book back into his pocket and soon the thirteen others followed suit. Ryuuzaki was safe. For now._

_Raito stared down the leader, arms still outstretched to protect L. Yet he quickly recognized something was wrong. The leader was laughing._

"_Ah, Raito, we haven't spoken in quite some time have we?"_

"_Who are you?" he demanded, dropping his hands. That laugh seemed familiar._

_More laughter. "Shall we join forces once more and find out?"_

_That nagging sense in the back of Raito's mind detonated, blinding him momentarily. Dragging him to his knees, he covered his eyes as something, or some_one,_ seemed to enter his mind, pushing conscious thought out of the way. And suddenly he could see again. But now he was backwards and could see L, standing within the building's frame, taking hesitant steps forward._

"_Finally, to be reunited with you, Raito, L's only weakness. You know not what joy this brings me. What will you do now, L? How will you fight someone that you couldn't lift a hand against three years ago?"_

_That voice sounded like his. But that was impossible. He didn't recall thinking such a thing, or wanting to say those words. What was going on? And where was the leader?_

"_Raito-kun, what is going on?" asked L, finally revealing himself from the shadows._

No, L, please, go back into the building. Something's wrong. Something is definitely wrong with me. Please, _Raito tried to say, yet again no words came. It was as if he was clawing at a concrete wall. He heard someone laugh. It was his own voice. Realization hit him as he fit the pieces together. _No, no, no, no...

"_Finally, my only obstacle, removed by the one person he adores more than life itself. The irony of this is bittersweet, no?" Raito felt his hands move, yet he had no control. Why couldn't he force his lips to move? Why couldn't he speak? Why couldn't he tell L to run? Why?_

"_Goodbye."_

_Raito felt something give way in his mind and he finally regained command of himself. But it was too late. He saw pain shoot into L's grey eyes as a thin hand came up to clench his heart. Those eyes turned to him, confusion playing within the agony. Yet soon they were overtaken completely by something new. Raito saw death._

_He had killed L._

"You..."

_He looked down at the notebook in his hands, the letters blurred by water and his own eyes. He couldn't make out the names. Not that it truly mattered. Only one name mattered now. If what he concluded was correct, than he needed to do it. Even if..._

"...are..."

_He watched L's body fall to the wet pavement and another fresh wave of pain glossed over him, making him write a little faster, and little harder than he needed to. The presence within his mind cursed him, trying to push at his hand but it couldn't, not when he was no longer living. A shell was him now. A shell that lived only by the commands of a heart-broken individual._

"...me."

_As the seconds ticked down, he felt pain shoot up his left arm and into his heart. It was a soothing feeling, taking over his being in an almost disconnected state. He heard the presence scream in fury, the fourteen others jump forward to stop his fall, but they were too late. Everyone was too late. As he joined L on the cool pavement, words entered his mind._

"You. Are. Kira."

_And he screamed._

* * *

Raito shot straight up, a feral scream tearing from his throat. One hand grasped his heart and the other curled in his hair by his ear. Searing agony boiled in his chest, and his ears roared. Pain began behind his eyes and he realized the tightening in his chest was due to the fact that he was hyperventilating 

"He took control – everything gone – I didn't mean to kill you – he did – he did – he did –"

Cool hands took hold of his fevered face, caressing his cheeks, his eyes, his lips, calming his breathing. Gentle words were being whispered into his ear, banishing those that had been rooted there only moments before. His breathing slowed to a pant and he released the suffocating hold he had on his chest and head to reach out for his saviour. When they found soft fabric and warmth, he opened his eyes. He felt his breath catch, commemoration of his actions within his dream world drawing out the worst. _No, no, no_. He then did something extraordinary, catching both of them off guard.

Yagami Raito cried.

His grasp tightened as he pulled L closer, drinking in the feel of him. The tears felt cool against his fiery cheeks, a reminder of what he had done, and he felt L brush them away, moving one arm behind his back whilst keeping a cool hand against his face. His breathing had slowed to almost normal, but he could still hear the rain, a soft patter against the concrete, and deaths' hands dipping into his soul. He needed something...

Opening his eyes, he raised his head to look into the depths of those midnight pools, remembering every shuddering detail of his dream with icy clarity. The eyes he looked into now were filled with worry, wherein the ones before...

"I'm sorry – if I had been – he somehow managed to –" L forced his finger against his lips, cutting off his ramble.

"It was a dream, Raito-kun. It's over. I'm here, as are you. It's over," he said softly, watching him.

_You are Kira._

A groan escaped his parched lips and Raito squeezed his eyes shut. Regardless if it was a dream or not, that one sentence would haunt him. He had thought long and hard of Kira's ideals, of how they matched so closely to his own. Was he the mass murderer? Was there a slim chance he _was_ Kira?

He buried his face in the crook of L's neck. He was suddenly so very tired, yet sleep was the last thing he wished to try for. Sleep meant returning. He didn't wish to revisit anywhere that L could not be reached. It frightened him.

"Will you stay with me?" Raito asked, not lifting his head.

L's fingers stalled their caress, and then continued before he responded, "When have I ever left you, Raito-kun?"

Raito stayed silent, letting his eyes flutter closed. Maybe if he slept with L here, his fingers against his cheek, a soft, almost inaudible touch, his demons wouldn't come. Maybe he would be safe. Maybe L would be safe.

_**You are Kira.**_

He fell into a fitful slumber.

* * *

_A desolated wasteland stretched from horizon to horizon, skeletons of buildings littering the grey terrain. Clouds rolled above, and crackling thunder coiled in angry torrents, waiting to be released. Figures, neither human nor monster, moved beneath the rolling sky, some sleeping and others gambling what little they had, not truly doing anything._

_Raito sat atop a large boulder, red eyes riveted on the clouds, hand playing with the cuff that adorned his left wrist. He didn't know quite why he had such a shackle, but it comforted him in times of anxiety, such as now. Something itched at the back of his mind, something he knew had to be done and done quickly. Something from his past life, before coming to this dying home._

_A figure sat beside him, hunched forward in a familiar manner, but he wasn't human either. Blue-black leather cloaked his body and a permanent clown smile had been imprinted on his face. He was watching the gamblers below, and Raito didn't know if he was bored or excited. Of course, he couldn't know with such a face._

_His own face was hidden beneath a mask of yin and yang. The two sides snarled at each other, an enraged representation of his past life. He had kept most of his human features – mainly the face beneath the mask. Most of his kind kept such trivial things when they were turned, but they didn't keep all things humane, as that reminded them of things painfully close to their human hearts, and their kind could not – no, _would_ not – get involved with humans._

"_That's what I must do," he exclaimed suddenly, standing. His companion glanced at him, and for some reason Raito couldn't place his name. He knew it well, had known it for some time, yet it escaped his thoughts at the moment. _

"_Don't go to the human pool, Raito. You've spent enough time there to last every one of us a lifetime," he said, the grin shrinking slightly._

"_Excitement is something you crave. Why not join me?"_

"_Humans are only interesting when you hand them one of our Notes. I'm no longer fascinated by such things," he replied, turning back to the gamblers._

_Raito shrugged and concentrated on unfurling his wings. That was one aspect he treasured about this world; he had attained wings. They burst from his shoulder blades, causing him pain, but that was quickly replaced as he launched himself into the air. His companion promptly became a speck on the ground._

_He climbed higher into the atmosphere, enjoying the wind in his hair. The human pool was not far from here, and he dove, angling to land gracefully beside the rocky shores. Tucking the pearly feathers back into his body, he knelt beside his own private cove, and stared into the swirling depths, eyes aglow with anticipation._

_The image within solidified, showing a dark room lit only by a single laptop. A human sat in front of the blue light, a thumbnail attached to his lip, stark hair in disarray atop his head. Pallid skin contrasted against deep gouges beneath his midnight eyes, authenticating insomnia. Baggy jeans hung on his hips, and one knee was curled up to his chest, the other out to the side with his toes battling an everlasting battle. With his back hunched over, his once white sweater pulled away from the hem of his jeans, showing the indentations of his vertebra. _

_Raito sighed and managed himself into a more comfortable position. Once again, L wasn't taking very good care of himself. If he wasn't careful, he would end up in heaven much sooner than his life span indicated. Oddly enough, when Raito looked into the pool, he perceived L's life expectancy, but not his full name; just that first letter, followed by a blank. He would need to ask his companion about that later._

_Suddenly, L shot up, his hands clenching, shouting at the computer. Raito cocked his head to the side, trying to decipher his words, but it seemed the pool wasn't in working condition today. Or maybe Raito was on the wrong side for viewing._

_Sighing, he stood and moved away from the frothy depths. They clouded over the image of L as Raito walked away, but the reflection followed him as he trudged along the shore, showing him scenes that worried him. L was leaving his room. He never left his room unless it was of utmost importance._

_Raito finally perceived sound. Settling down once more, he leaned his elbows on his knees, watching the scene unfurl before his eyes. L was striding down a hallway, bare feet hitting carpet the only sound in darkness. It was night there._

_Raito perked up, noticing something that he had not before. L's life expectancy was rapidly declining. He was heading straight for his death._

_He leant forward, reaching absently for the black book on his hip. He knew it was forbidden, but if L did get in any trouble..._

_L was heading down the elevator, muttering incoherent words. He whirled and slammed his fist into the wall, head down, hiding his eyes. Raito vaguely remembered something, a flicker of a memory from his past. Something about this individual was sparking his humanity. That wasn't right. Something was off. Something was wrong with him._

_The elevator halted, and L stumbled, falling backwards. Raito leapt forward, leaning towards the pool, leaning over L's image. He had seen this before; he had felt this before. He knew it. Why did he know this? What was this? _Who was L

_L lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling as red warning lights flashed. His life expectancy was almost at its end, and Raito waited, waited. If it was an elevator failure, he couldn't prevent it. He couldn't stop something arbitrary and inanimate from befalling someone. _

_The chain on his left hand began to burn. He scratched at it absently, watching, waiting. Nothing happened, but L's life continued to decline. Almost there; he was almost gone. Then the elevator opened and someone walked in._

_Raito expelled a breath and immediately grabbed his book. Without a notion as to why, he began to write the other humans name down, glancing up just as the human reached into his jacket, a maniacal grin on his face. The pen finished its last stroke of his name, and then it began._

_It started in Raito's hands. He dropped the silver pen to the ground, losing all feeling as dust replaced his limbs. The chains that wound around his limbs and chest burned with such fierce passion that he itched to take them off, but it was too late now. Watching in a disconnected state, he waited for the last few seconds to tick down. The human clutched his heart and screamed, winding in both directions and dropping to the floor. Raito felt a cruel smile twist his lips._

_Yet even when the man's years were transferred over, L's life didn't snap to a halt. It sped up, declining quicker than before. Raito stared in disbelief. That man hadn't been L's final death? What was it to be then?_

_The elevator shook, and then dropped a few shuddering feet before stalling. Raito felt his chest being swallowed by sand; _he _was almost dead. He vaguely wondered where he would go after he died. The chains continued their blistering path around his body, yet he could no longer feel pain; he was as close to death as L._

_The elevator plummeted._

_And he was reduced to ash._

* * *

Raito woke up screaming. His whole body burned; the chains, they were ablaze! He had to get them off! He clawed at his skin, itching, shredding, yet the fire only increased. His left arm blazed, and when his fingers connected with cool metal, he tore at the cuff, trying to lessen the pressure. It wouldn't come off; why wouldn't it come off?! 

Suddenly there was a click. The cuff fell. The fire vanished.

Panting, he looked up. L sat beside him, staring with wide eyes. In his hand was a silver key, and between the two of them was the offending chain, cold and articulate, the cuff bloodied from Raito's rendered fingers. Raito blinked between L and the cuff, the dream a very real thing to him. Everything seemed real to him, including the fact that L had died in an elevator, and that he was sitting not three inches away from him.

Raito reached out, trailing his fingers against L's cheek, leaving a thin smear of blood against his pallid cheek. L watched him, gauging the damage of Raito's latest dream on his psyche, wondering if he was truly himself.

"A blurred line between illusion and reality has me doubting. What is real? Am I real? Who am I? What am I?" enquired Raito, his fingertips just on L's cheek. L brought a hand up, grasping Raito's wrist.

"Raito-kun, it was just a dream. You have a fever of 104, and if I don't manage to bring it down, I will be forced to move you to a healthier facility than our room," whispered L, searching his eyes.

"Fever?"

"Yes. You are having fever dreams. I have read of them occasionally occurring, yet I have never witnessed one. Raito-kun, your dreams are not real. Do not succumb to something so trivial as this," explained L.

Raito shook his head. That seemed off. Everything lately seemed off. Maybe _this_ was a fever dream?

Raito asked, "Would you mind if I did something rash?"

"In your current state, I very much would."

"Sadly, that wasn't the answer I desired."

"Raito-kun, listen to me. This is reality. Regardless of what you believe, you need to rest and sweat out the fever. Go back to sleep." L disengaged his hand and pushed him back into the pillows, pinning him with a look that told him not to move. Raito closed his eyes. If he took what L was saying as truth, than he had contracted an infection, and needed immediate medical attention. However, that would require going into an elevator, and he didn't quite trust electrical equipment at the moment.

A cool cloth pressed against his forehead and his eyes fluttered open. L was back by his side, a bowl of water sitting on the nightstand and his sleeves pushed up his arms. He flicked his eyes to meet Raito's and then returned to his work, dabbing at his brow.

"If you have yet to obtain a bearing on your surroundings, you may have noticed our workspace is nonexistent," muttered L. Raito glanced around the room and sure enough where the desk had once been there was a glass pane window, stretched from wall to wall. How and when Ryuuzaki had had the time to install such a thing was beyond Raito. "Our room was too work oriented. When we move upstairs, we shall proceed to the entertainment room." A soft smile graced L's lips. "Besides, the ambience of one's sleeping room should not be dismal."

Raito grinned weakly, finding the enlightening conversation soothing. L took away the cloth to re-soak it and applied it on his neck, forcing Raito to roll his head away from L.

"Why have you not brought me to a hospital?" enquired Raito.

L furrowed his eyebrows, "Do you not think me capable of taking care of you, Raito-kun?"

"I didn't mean it like that, Ryuuzaki, but if your analysis of my symptoms is correct, than I have an infection and should receive immediate medical attention," explained Raito, gazing back at L. His eyes were misting over. Fatigue was setting in once more. No, he wanted to try something before he faded into that demon shrouded world.

"I have already had you checked for such a thing. No infectious diseases, nor any neurological problems. You have a fever."

"Then let me try something."

That nervous knot from the elevator roared into life, funnelling into a wave to crash into the shores of his mind, carrying off articulate, calculating Raito and allowing instinctive Raito to take control. He had thrown precaution down an elevator shaft once before, so why not again?

Swallowing hard, Raito curled one hand in L's shirt, pulling him closer. Locking eyes, he raised his other hand to wind around the halted wrist by his neck.

He leaned forward, and pressed his lips to L's cheek, just by his mouth. He felt the detective inhale in surprise, and Raito turned his mouth to brush softly against his lips, ignoring the qualms of inner rational Raito. He wanted this. He had wanted this for some time now.

It would take one simple push and Raito would back down, locking away the part of him that had grown phenomenally strong in the last few days. He would forget every feeling, every thought that pertained to Ryuuzaki. He would never allow something like this to happen again if L decided to pull away. But he didn't.

The hand that wasn't encased by Raito's came up to take the cloth. L moved his lips slightly, testing them against Raito's, applying soft pressure against his mouth. Raito decided not to experiment with the delicate balance between them, and just continued to stroke his thumb over L's wrist.

L changed tactics mid-way. He shifted, removing his hand from Raito's grasp and placing it against his chest, pushing him back against the pillows. Slipping one hand behind his neck and tangling his fingers in Raito's mahogany locks, he deepened the kiss, tugging at Raito's bottom lip with his teeth. Raito felt his fever spike at this sudden change in dominance. L nipped at his lip once more before pulling back to regard him with clouded eyes.

"I told you that I would very much mind if you did something rash," he whispered, running his hand through Raito's hair before retrieving the cloth and placing it on his fevered forehead. "Sleep is the only cure for your fever, Raito-kun. Go, battle your demons. I won't leave."

Fatigue dragged at his eyelids, weighing them down. He lifted one finger to trace his lip, and smiled softly at L before fading anew into his hollowed darkness.

* * *

_It was another dismal day, the sun hidden by clouds of smog rising from the cities constant exhaust. Raito stared blankly out his window, his finger tracing the outline of a black notebook. His quarters were within Kira's main building and he had just come from a meeting. Another day, another miserable life without anyone to share it with. Granted, he had Amane Misa at his side, begging for praise constantly, but that didn't appeal to him. Ever since – no, he wouldn't think about _him_ today. He needed complete peace of mind in order to close a deal for Kira. But maybe he would go down to the bakery, just on the corner of the street to honour him._

_Raito rose, stretching. Simple pleasures. That was what Misa was bent on this month. She had filled their apartment with material things, items of little use. All Raito truly needed was a laptop, his wardrobe and the notebook. Oh, and that small safety box he kept under the bed, but no one knew about that. He refused to acknowledge it unless he felt forlorn on those nights when the rain was particularly hard, and his mind would amble towards fond memories of _him

_No, he would not do this to himself again. He would go down to the bakery, pick up a small slice of strawberry cake, and be done with him for the week. No more notions._

_Raito left the apartment, striding out the door and into the busy sidewalk. People kept their heads down, refusing to acknowledge each other and him. The world had easily turned towards Kira's law, but they were running on the frightened concept of death and destruction at the hands of this new God. Raito joined the crowd._

_He looked up at the sign, entering the jovial bakery that had opened not weeks before beside his apartment. Misa had been buoyant, immediately drawing Raito down to the cutesy shop to indulge in some of their tantalizing deserts. Sadly, Raito was reminded of _him.

_He hated how he couldn't escape him, no matter how many years passed, or how much he had been erased. But Raito had kept his memory alive, even kept his love for him alive with that silly safety box beneath the bed. And now he was walking into the bakery to buy himself a piece of cake, all in commemoration of him._

"_A slice of strawberry cake, please."_

"_Of course," said the young woman behind the counter, blushing to her roots as she rummaged behind the counter, carefully slicing into the thick cake. Raito watched, and realized she hadn't managed to get a strawberry._

"_Ah, a strawberry on top would be wonderful," he said, pointing to the piece again. _

_Her blush deepened and she slipped the cool knife into the cake, removing a new piece. Into the clear plastic container it went and she handed it to Raito with a fumbling hand, taking his money with shaking fingers. Raito turned on his charm, and left her with the extra change, carrying his cake out the door._

_Raito made his way back to the apartment and closed the door, locking both bolts. Misa was out of town – actually, out of the country – and tonight he would be completely alone. He walked into the bedroom and, after removing his jacket and placing the cake on the table, dragged out his box._

_Turning the dial, he opened the door and looked inside. Within was a dusty laptop – extremely out dated by today's standards – a tea set and a pair of handcuffs with a two foot distance between. Raito pulled out all three, placing them on the table by the window, beside the cake. He fingered the cold chain links between his fingers, lingering on the cuffs. Memories were hard for him, for they allowed a side of him to shine through, a side he kept locked firmly away, just like his box._

_He stood with the old china tea set, carrying it to the sink and filling it with water. He then proceeding to making _his_ favourite tea. Carrying it back to his chair, he placed two cups on the table, and pulled out the cake, setting it beside the empty cup across from him. Glancing at the cuff, his eyes filled with memories and he picked up the cool metal, bringing it to his wrist and attaching it with a soft click._

_Opening the laptop, he clicked the power button and waited for it to boot up. With deft fingers, he found the gothic letter _he_ had used and let it shine on its white background. The room filled with soft light, and his mind filled with mournful reminiscences. _

_He poured tea in only one cup, whiskey in the other. With one hand never leaving the notebook, he raised the cup, looking out on his city and wondered vaguely if he would ever get to see him again._

"_Here's to you L."_

* * *

Raito didn't wake screaming. Instead, he woke with tears streaming down his cool cheeks. His fever had broken. 

He opened his eyes, blurry images surrounding him. Everything was white. He wondered where he was. This wasn't his room, nor was he at headquarters, with L at his side. A cool feeling entered his hand and lifted into his body, making him lethargic. Shaking his head, he adjusted his eyes to the dusty light and glanced around.

He was in a white room, and could hear beeping noises around him. Soft voices rebounded off the walls, filling the area with a despondent setting. Raito realized he wasn't alone.

The team sat around him, all asleep. His father was by his side, his face turned away from him. Raito moved his right hand, flexing his fingers. Raising his hand, he wiped at the free flowing trails that wept from his eyes.

"Your fever has broken, Raito-kun."

Raito rolled his head to the side. L was curled up in a chair, arms around his knees. His eyes were visible above his forearms and they blinked slowly at him. The gouges beneath his midnight orbs had deepened impressively.

"How long?"

"Thirteen hours and twenty seven minutes," answered L. "Your fever spiked moments after you fell asleep. I was forced into action. Your fever was 106 and climbing when we entered the hospital, Raito-kun. You have forced me to show my face to multiple people."

Raito's lips curled upwards at Ryuuzaki's elevated tone. He felt relieved that L had finally taken him a hospital, but an odd detachment filtered into him. He wanted to be alone with the detective.

L raised one hand to his lip, biting down on the thumbnail. Raito closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillows, reminiscing about his dreams. They were slowly becoming fogged, though he remembered something about a notebook, and that one sentence...Kira. He was Kira. No, that wasn't possible. Though L and he had exchanged blows about him being the mass murderer, he didn't actually believe he could commit such a horrendous crime. Could he?

"You're thinking of your fever dreams, Raito-kun?" enquired L. Raito opened his eyes to gaze at his rival. "Some have written that fever dreams are the truth told in lucid form, whilst others believe they tell one's future. Of course, I have never had a fever dream, so I cannot give you input on your predicament." His thumb pushed at his upper lip. "May I enquire what your dreams were about?"

Raito rewound his memory, sifting through the remnants, wondering if L would take the statement about him being Kira as solid proof, or maybe a confession. As he went through the memories, he remembered something, something from between his disorderly dreams.

The kiss.

Raito snapped his eyes back to L, who was watching him in a disconnected state and felt that hollow pit start in his stomach. He could brush it off as his sickness taking over, or he could pretend he didn't remember. But of course, he realized too late that his face had betrayed too much. Damn it all.

The door to his room was opened and Raito was spared having to explain his sudden revelation. A nurse, followed by a woman in a long white coat, walked in. He glanced at both of them, suddenly wary. L buried his head in his arms, hiding his face.

"Yagami Raito?" said the woman, flipping up the papers. Her voice was cold, and the hazel eyes behind her glasses were calculating.

Raito's father was roused from his sleep, as was the rest of the team. His father passed a tired hand over his eyes before glancing first at Raito and then at the doctor, who was pressing buttons on a machine beside Raito's bed.

"What's going on?"

"Yagami-san, I must speak to you." The doctor turned to his father. She then glanced at L, who was ignoring everyone and fiddling with the silver cuff on his wrist. Raito glanced down at his own wrist and noticed it wasn't on. L had taken it off. Thank God he thought ahead this time.

His father stood and followed the doctor out, leaving the team with the nurse. She wrote a few measurements, and took out Raito's IV before leaving as well. Finally, Matsuda spoke.

"Raito-kun, what happened to you?" he asked timidly.

Raito glanced at L, wondering what the detective had told the team. Seemingly nothing from his expression.

"I was knocked out by boxes. The contusions from the chains and the following mishap in the storage room happened to spike a fever. Also, my lack of sleep slowed down my immune system. Nothing to worry about, Matsuda. Everything is fine now," explained Raito. There, a simple summary. That would calm everyone down.

"No, I don't mean that. I meant, why did you leave the medical room? And where did you go? We couldn't find you or Ryuuzaki until Ryuuzaki came down the hallway with you," elucidated Matsuda hastily, glancing at Mogi who was sitting with his head turned to the side.

Raito again gazed at L, wondering just how long he was gone from the rest of the team. It had been night when he had awoken the second time, and they had left the storage room in the morning, around nine a.m. That calculated to...

Gone for almost eighteen hours.

The door opened once more, this time with Raito's father pushing a wheel chair. The doctor stood behind him, shaking her head softly as she wrote something on her clipboard. She then nodded towards Raito and L before walking away, her heels clipping against the tile before they too faded in the distance.

"Come along, Raito," said his father in a tight voice. He turned to L, "Everything has been taken care of, Ryuuzaki."

"Thank you, Yagami-san." L uncurled from his chair and stood, walking over to Raito. Clipping the cuff onto his wrist, he nodded at the shackle. Raito stared incredulously at him.

"Couldn't you wait until we're outside the building, Ryuuzaki?"

"No, you could try something whilst in this harmless hospital, Yagami-kun," explained L, attaching his thumbnail to his teeth once more, a smile tugging at his lips. Raito rolled his eyes and climbed into the wheelchair, more for his father's happiness than out of necessity.

As they trudged out of the hospital, L at his side, Raito couldn't help it, he brought his thumbnail to his mouth, running the smooth surface over his lip. The dreams flitted through his mind, playing with each other, mucking up his thoughts. He couldn't grasp there meaning, nor could he truly see within. With a jolt, he realized what he was doing. Pulling down his hand, he folded them in his lap. They exited the building, but not without multiple looks their way, mainly at the chain that bound them. Raito cursed L silently.

The light blinded him, and he raised a hand to cover his eyes. Lowering it, he stared in shocked silence at what awaited him.

"Ryuuzaki, why is there a helicopter in the parking lot?"

It would be a long ride home.

* * *

**A/N:** ((cringes)) Yes, I'm not updating until next month. Though it is not my fault! Blame ... well, actually blame no one. My creativity decided spontaneously to run off without me, laughing manically all the way. So...the next chapter is just a blank page on my computer screen, going nowhere. I need tips in order to hunt down my creativity, and standing on my head did little to nothing (thanks to my friend, who pushed me over) So if you have any ideas, I'll gladly take them and run! 

Next Date:  
**07/17/07**

I was just informed that if I don't provide you with a preview of what I **might** have in store for my next chapter, my wonderfully supportive friend ((eye roll)) will chase me down and force me to type. If I don't...well unpleasant cartoons would be on the way ((cringes and cries)) So...here are some excerpts from the next chapter, labeled _Mind Games_.

_Flopping down on the bed, Raito buried his face in the pillow, muttering unintelligible words into the soft texture. The bed sunk beside him and he turned his head slightly to peer at Ryuuzaki's form. The investigator was staring off into space, completely ignorant of Raito's presence. His eyes were filled with an inner turmoil, though his face betrayed little emotion, except for the inaudible twitch that began near his lip. Raito watched as L brought his thumb to his mouth, catching the delicate nail between his teeth. A sharp memory flashed through his mind of L's teeth capturing his bottom lip in the same fashion and he felt his face flush. At least his cheeks were covered by his hair and the pillow._

_"Raito-kun, what do you remember from your fever?" enquired L suddenly, cocking his head to the side. Raito blinked. Where had that come from?_

_"To be completely candid, very little. The jist of what I remember I wish I could forget, and everything else is a blurred mess. Why?"_

_L shook his head, but stopped mid shake. "You hesitated."_

_Raito swallowed, peeking out at L from beneath his bangs. L was watching him through his own, an eyebrow raised. "What would I have to hide, Ryuuzaki?"_

_"Everything," L turned his body so it was now facing Raito directly. "As I stated in the hospital, fever dreams contain slivers of truth within them."_

_Raito narrowed his eyes. He had a sneaking suspicion that L just wanted him to admit he dreamt of being Kira, and that L died, or was dead in every one of his dreams. Not that he was too fond of that idea. In every one of his dreams, he had woken up either screaming or with tears in his eyes at that revelation. Hell, he had even woken up to kiss the infuriating detective. Damn it, he was blushing again._

_"As I have already stated, I don't remember all that much," Raito turned his face completely into the pillow, muffling his next words. "May we sleep now?"_

_"Your avoidance of the subject has led me to conclude you are lying, Raito-kun. What do you remember?"_

_Raito gnashed his teeth. No, he would not say he remembered the kiss. No, he would not state that he remembered being Kira. And no, he would not declare that L died in every one of his dreams. He wouldn't do it._

_"Nothing."_

_"Hesitation."_

_"Stop mocking me."_

_"Stop lying."_

_"God damnit, Ryuuzaki, I don't want to talk about it!" snapped Raito, pulling away from the pillow. He glowered at L, who returned his stare._

_"Guilt."_

_"I am not guilty."_

_"What do you remember?"_

And there ends the little snippet. Mwha. Now, **REVIEW** and I might just throw together the next chapter with a little more fervour. Also, don't forget the songs and tips! Adios!


	5. Mind Games

**A/N:** So...I have some good and bad news.

Good News: It's my birthday today! Yes!

Bad News: I have sprained my wrist because of a _moose_. A freakin' moose! I mean, come on! Fate intervened at the worst possible time; my mother and I were driving home from camping before my birthday and a young moose and his mother ran out in front of us, _colliding with the truck_. Not badly, I assure you, but enough to practically snap my wrist in half when I threw out a hand to save my dog. He almost flew through the windshield. Note to self: don't allow the Pomeranian to sit in the front. So, when we returned to town (like I said, the truck wasn't badly damaged) mom took me to the hospital and they proclaimed my wrist _sprained_, not broken. So, I have to stay off of it for four weeks. Buuut I managed to finish this chapter _before_ going on the trip, so it is now up! Sadly, the next update won't be until my wrist is mended. Blergh.

On a happier note, I'm dedicating this chapter to **wild-filly** because her work always astounds and she was the reason I actually started writing **Abyssal Heart**. So, thank you **wild-filly** and keep inspiring others to write Death Note Fanfics! (slumps off to find tea)

Was listening to **Go Away - Jakalope** and **Don't Cry - Jakalope**. I was in a **Jakalope** mood. Hush.

* * *

**Chapter 5  
Mind Games**

Raito leaned back in his chair, the letters bouncing off his eyes. The screen was currently showing him the most recent deaths of Kira's latest victims, but then again, what else was new? It had been five days since his release from the hospital, and this was his first day back on the investigation. His father had refused to let him rejoin the case until he had regained at least some energy, but even then Raito hadn't gotten much sleep. He had stayed up all night, worrying over something so trivial and diminutive that he shouldn't have bothered adding it to his growing list.

The kiss.

L sat beside him, stacking sugar cubes with one hand, and typing with the other. A tiny fork was shoved into his mouth, and his panda lined eyes were glued to the blue hued screen flickering in front of him. He seemed unfazed by whatever Raito had done during his illness, but Raito hadn't been doing extensive L watching for some time now, so he wasn't positive.

He watched as those thin fingers moved the sugared squares from point A to B without scrutiny, and felt his eyes travel up L's arm to his face. The fork flicked up and down and Raito knew he was moving it around with his tongue. Why that would set his body a hum he didn't know. Banishing possible gutter-like notions to the corner of his mind, he let his eyes roam over L's face, coming to rest on the way a thick strand of hair had sprung away from the rest of the herd to dangle over L's left eye.

"Yagami-kun, I have provided a new workspace for us to continue the investigation in, yet you seem to be overlooking the properties of our case. Please return your eyes to the screen and not my person," drawled L, owlish eyes flickering to him. The fork was pulled from his lips to sink into a colossal piece of strawberry cake he had rummaged from the mini bar. Raito blinked, and drew his eyes away from the forks odyssey back to the blurred screen. It was three seventeen in the morning, and L should've realized by now that Raito hadn't truly been doing anything for the last two hours and fifteen minutes. He never did. But conversely, when had the detective ever paid attention to Raito's work patterns?

"Ryuuzaki, may we retire for the night?"

Rhetorical answer –

"No."

Raito sighed, placing his hand on the mouse. Clicking on the random files, he allowed them to filter onto his screen before permitting his mind to meander away again. If he didn't let his eyes wander, then maybe L wouldn't discern that he was thinking of his feverish experiences. He remembered everything about his kiss with icy clarity, yet he couldn't quite recall every aspect of his fever dreams. He remembered mostly everything, yet there were blurred aspects of his dreams. He knew that L's death was either imminent or already occurred. That, along with a few other key components, added up to little. He couldn't remember the basis of the dream, or why he had had it. Was it just to view L's death and the effect it had on him?

His hand moved the mouse to one of the hidden bars at the bottom of the screen and up popped a window. Glancing at his comrade to make sure he was immersed in work, he began to play.

Moments later, "Raito-kun, you would do well to raise the pot by three thousand."

Raito jumped, glancing over at L, who had situated his chair right beside him. Swallowing hard at the close contact – L was within touching distance now – he returned his eyes to the screen and upped his bet on the table.

"I didn't know you preferred poker over work, Raito-kun," muttered L, watching the table.

"I usually don't. However, I wished for something unique tonight," replied Raito. He bit his tongue the moment the words left his lips, his mind dancing around images he would rather it not. He slammed that part of his mind into a corner, glowering at it.

He clicked and waited for the Turn, a wariness setting in at how close Ryuuzaki was to him. Why wasn't the detective calling him out for not looking at files? Something wasn't right...

"All in," L said suddenly, his thumbnail pushing at his upper lip. Raito raised an eyebrow. "The others are bluffing. Most likely," he pointed to the bottom of the table, "she has a pair, lower than ten's. And he," he pointed to the left of Raito's hand, "has only one card that matches the River, along with a higher, a queen. Neither can beat you. Go all in." L sat back.

"You lose all my money –"

"I will allow you to sleep. Now, go all in."

Raito signed and clicked, wondering just why L was allowing this. Was this a trick? His mind went away on a tangent, this time opposite the gutter, thank God. If this was another ruse to deduce his being Kira – no, L would use more devious methods. Yet that nagging sense in the back of his mind had him doubting himself.

Only one of the two called him on his bet, and with the Flop, he knew he would win. Glancing at L out of the corner of his eye, he noted that the detective was watching him, not the screen. And there was an odd look in his eyes, something Raito couldn't quite place.

"You have won. Now, return to the files." L pushed off the desk with his feet, rolling his chair across the floor. His hair hid his eyes, obscuring Raito's view into his emotions. Raito muttered softly beneath his breath before exiting the table and returning to the files.

"Ryuuzaki, do we have any food in our room?"

"Raito-kun, you are avoiding work like the plague. Your behaviour, along with your sudden aversion of all things work oriented, has brought the likelihood of you being Kira up by seven percent."

Raito rolled his eyes. Not this again.

"_I am not Kira_. I skipped dinner, and therefore am hungry. Is that a good enough explanation for you?"

"No. There is food in the refrigerator, off in that direction," L gestured towards the television, which happened to be across the room. Raito felt his eye twitch. That was a familiar feeling; he hadn't twitched in almost a week.

Rising, he moved towards the television, but was stalled in his progress when Ryuuzaki pulled him back with a sharp tug of the chain. Raito sighed and turned around to pin the detective with a heated glare.

"What is it, Ryuuzaki?"

"I told you that your explanation wasn't satisfactory. Therefore, you cannot leave your workstation," stated L, matching his glower.

Raito felt his other eye twitch. All right, if he wanted to act like that, he would play the one card that would have L grovelling.

"I was just released from the hospital. I haven't slept nor eaten. In all likelihood, a relapse may occur," stated Raito, watching L's eyes. He saw the guilt flit across. Good; guilt wasn't something any human could resist. Of course, he wasn't one hundred percent positive L _was_ human, so guilt might not work on the detective.

"All right, Raito-kun." L unfurled from the chair and followed him across the room, waiting impatiently as Raito examined the contents of the mini fridge.

"There's nothing inside this fridge that is remotely edible!" exclaimed Raito, throwing a glare up at L. L crouched down beside him, thrusting his head into the small space beside Raito's to peer into the refrigerator. Raito felt his face flame up immediately at the close proximity. There was no way he could handle much more of this. L lifted a hand, accidentally brushing against Raito in the process, to dig around in the fridge. Raito squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them, trying with every fibre of his being to ignore the investigator and the feelings he erupted in Raito. _Damn you, L._

"Raito-kun?" Raito blinked, realizing L had been speaking to him. The detective was holding some type of sugared square out to him. "The pallid exterior of your face suggests the percentage of a relapse has increased by sixty three percent. Maybe you should retire?"

Raito swallowed and took the square from L, glancing down at it. Whatever it was, it didn't pertain as _food_ to him. For the first time in many years, he was actually afraid to eat something.

L rose, dragging Raito with him. Making his way to the desk, he saved the data on both computers and then hauled Raito towards the bedroom, laptop in hand. Raito tossed the square in the garbage before following, knowing it would be another one of _those_ nights.

When they had returned from the hospital, Raito had been confined to their room, which meant _L_ had been confined to their room. Of course, this hadn't sat too well with the detective. Being handcuffed to the only suspect of a mass murder case, and having to take care of him if he were to fall ill again wasn't what L had signed up for when he had chained the two of them together. So, whilst Raito had fidgeted trying to fall asleep, L had typed on his laptop, sitting on his respected side with the glaring light of the screen drenching the room in a blue hue. Raito was reduced to muttering profanities beneath his breath.

Flopping down on the bed, he buried his face in the pillow, muttering unintelligible words into the soft texture. The bed sunk beside him and he turned his head slightly to peer at Ryuuzaki's form. The investigator was staring off into space, completely ignorant of Raito's presence. His eyes were filled with an inner turmoil, though his face betrayed little emotion, except for the inaudible twitch that began near his lip. Raito watched as L brought his thumb to his mouth, catching the delicate nail between his teeth. A sharp memory flashed through his mind of L's teeth capturing his bottom lip in the same fashion and he felt his face flush. At least his cheeks were covered by his hair and the pillow.

"Raito-kun, what do you remember from your fever?" enquired L suddenly, cocking his head to the side. Raito blinked. Where had that come from?

"To be completely candid, very little. The jist of what I remember I wish I could forget, and everything else is a blurred mess. Why?"

L shook his head, but stopped mid shake. "You hesitated."

Raito swallowed, peeking out at L from beneath his bangs. L was watching him through his own, an eyebrow raised. "What would I have to hide, Ryuuzaki?"

"Everything," L turned his body so it was now facing Raito directly. "As I stated in the hospital, fever dreams contain slivers of truth within them."

Raito narrowed his eyes. He had a sneaking suspicion that L just wanted him to admit he dreamt of being Kira, and that L died, or was dead in every one of his dreams. Not that he was too fond of that idea. In every one of his dreams, he had woken up either screaming or with tears in his eyes at that revelation. Hell, he had even woken up to kiss the infuriating detective. Damn it, he was blushing again.

"As I have already stated, I don't remember all that much," Raito turned his face completely into the pillow, muffling his next words. "May we sleep now?"

"Your avoidance of the subject has led me to conclude you are lying, Raito-kun. What do you remember?"

Raito gnashed his teeth. No, he would not say he remembered the kiss. No, he would not state that he remembered being Kira. And no, he would not declare that L died in every one of his dreams. He wouldn't do it.

"Nothing."

"Hesitation."

"Stop mocking me."

"Stop lying."

"God damnit, Ryuuzaki, I don't want to talk about it!" snapped Raito, pulling away from the pillow. He glowered at L, who returned his stare.

"Guilt."

"I am not guilty."

"What do you remember?"

"Everything, all right?" he snarled, towering over the detective. "I remember every lucid detail! I remember the decimated city; I remember the masked figures; I remember the voices; I remember you falling to the ground; I remember the chains; I remember the elevator; I remember your time running out; I remember the apartment; I remember the cake; I remember the safety box; I remember your anniversary; and I remember _kissing you_. What more do you want from me?"

He had effectively pinned L against the bed, hands on either side of his head. L stared up at him in shocked silence, fingers splayed against Raito's chest. Raito gazed into his eyes, searching for something. All he saw was a mixture of shock and confusion. Nothing he could use. Why did this infuriating detective bait him so? Why did he let him? What was it about L that got his blood boiling, both in a pleasant and maddening way?

"Why must you always know?" grated Raito, closing his eyes and expelling a soft breath. His head drooped and he opened his eyes to stare directly into Ryuuzaki's, "The dreams terrified me; did you not witness my screams? Everything about them; they hit far too close to home. And you. You were always within my dreams. _And you were dead_."

Another emotion flickered across L's eyes, this time of fear. Raito scoffed, closing his eyes once more to bring up the painful memories. He remembered Kira taking over his mind, pushing him away. He remembered watching from behind the scenes as L walked out from the shadows, perplexed, only to clutch his heart. The pain that had shot through him at that one moment had been far too real. No matter how much the detective enraged him, Raito wouldn't be able to harm him. The agony, even if it was a dream, was something he would never wish to relive.

"Raito-kun..." breathed L, drawing his attention. "Did you envision Kira?"

_Yes. He took everything. He killed you; took you from me._

"No."

L's grip on his shirt tightened slightly. Raito opened his eyes again to gaze into L's midnight orbs, once more searching for something, this time hoping to find a form of closure. Instead, the same perplexity reigned there, mixing with something else.

"You also –" started L. He stopped to swallow, eyes flickering to the side. Raito cocked his head, waiting, "you also stated that you remembered something else. Care to elaborate?"

That familiar knot uncoiled in his stomach, setting Raito's whole being a flame. Could he truly be asking Raito to kiss him? Was he getting another chance? Or was this simply a test, put forth by someone frightened at the prospect of their own death?

He looked down at the detective and swallowed, his rational side kicking him hard. L had never had human contact, never been anywhere near a human relationship. Why would Raito take this chance now to initiate something that might not lead to where he desired? Yet that small part of his mind was pulling at him, coaxing him. Just one simple kiss. It wouldn't cause too much damage. And Raito could always blame it on sleep deprivation, or a relapse. Right?

The tension between them increased, and Raito leant down, eyes half lidded. His rational side fought viciously, snarling at him to get out of this mess before he made a fool of himself. But again, that one part of his mind held it back, watching as Raito closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against the detectives'.

It was exactly how he remembered. L's lips were soft, pliant. A soft gasp escaped the investigator but Raito didn't take the opportunity presented; he didn't wish to take things too quickly.

Yet everything changed.

L fisted one hand in the fabric of Raito's shirt, moving his other hand to the back of his head, tangling his fingers in the auburn locks, as he had that night not long ago. His lips moved against Raito's, lightly at first, as if testing whether or not this was real. And then the fight for dominance began.

Raito was shocked. Sure, L and he both had dominating personalities, yet L had never been in a true relationship; hell, he had probably never kissed anyone before! And now the dark haired detective was trying to take over what Raito himself had started? Suddenly he was unsure. What had he initiated? Would he be able to end it should it spiral out of control?

_You won't end it. You know that much,_ whispered his inner voice, a light breeze against his tumult thoughts. He knew it was right, and as much as hated admitting defeat, he also knew L could easily overpower him in this situation, with his mind completely void of all rationality.

Raito realized he was losing his battle. For some reason, L was much more experienced at this than Raito had predominantly thought. Of course, that couldn't be left alone. He hated to lose after all.

Slanting his mouth, he deepened the kiss. However, an odd sensation had begun in his arms and shoulders, pin pricks of pain that hummed along his nerve endings. Even though he was holding himself above L, with his lips glued to the others in a pleasant experience, his joints were screaming profanities at him for not collapsing onto the detective when said kiss was instigated. As were his lungs. Air was becoming something of a predicament suddenly.

He broke the kiss, though regretfully, and breathed in gulps of air. Now came the hard part. Well, technically, he could ignore the fact that he had just acted on his hormonal urge, or he could just revert to what he was doing before the kiss began. Gods, he had now kissed the detective twice! – though the first time he was theoretically unconscious so it shouldn't count. Still...

L's voice drew his attention away from the ramblings within his mind, "I hadn't expected such an outcome when we entered this room, Raito-kun. Though..." he trailed off, his hands still tangled in Raito's shirt and hair. Raito waited with baited breath, unsure why he was so nervous. L just shook his head and glanced up at Raito, his eyes unusually bright. "Sleep is in order, correct?"

Raito started. No. Fucking. Way. He had just laid his feelings to bare and this – this _heartless bastard_ had the guts to brush it off as nothing? He stopped himself from throttling the detective beneath him. Come to think of it, he was still on top of him, and with this one notion came millions more, all gutter related. Raito cursed internally before pushing himself backwards and away from L. The detective struggled up into a sitting position before glancing at Raito. The university student purposefully avoided his gaze and shifted, turning towards the bed. Again, he was bombarded by images he would rather not fall asleep to. Hellfire.

He stood, a sigh escaping his lips. He should truly get ready. He still had to sleep in the same bed as the detective – Gods, the images! – and he wouldn't allow something as trivial – yeah, _right_ – as a kiss to shake him up. His mind taunted him, calling him a fool, whereas his rational side rolled its eyes and blatantly told him 'I told you so'. He was suddenly infuriated with himself. Where had he picked up such a trying conscious?

Fingers suddenly touched his hand, causing him to start. He turned his head slightly, russet eyes locking with midnight, as the fingers continued up his hand, trailing over each finger and knuckle, coming to rest between the cuff and his wrist. A shiver travelled down his spine, and he kept his eyes riveted on the ebony grey that seemed to swallow him up. The cool metal of the cuff contrasted against his suddenly heated skin, and the chilled fingers, which were gliding around the cuffs circumference, touching his skin almost delicately, caused another tremor to travel down his spine.

A soft click, followed by the cuff falling to the ground pulled Ratio from the sudden electric connection he was feeling. Finally breaking eye contact, he walked towards the dresser, not daring to look back. He pulled on his night shirt quickly, barely allowing one shirt to slide off his body before the other was covering him. No, he wouldn't allow himself to think such things. He couldn't afford it. Not when...

He turned back around, walking towards the bed. More imagery which he would have rather stayed buried assaulted him, and he beat it back with everything he had. L reconnected the chain between them and Raito climbed into bed.

As he lay there, blue light drenching the room, only one thought broke through the millions of images submerging his helpless mind.

_Great. Another sleepless night._

* * *

**Review**? Please? (puppy dog eyes) 

Next Update:  
**...Pending...**


	6. The Nightmare Continues

**A/N: **Aha! I return! Go me! The moosen did not get the better of me and that makes me happy. However, this chapter is uber short and I apologize excessively for this. I mean, I haven't had any time what-so-ever since getting my right hand back. Work, work, work. But all of this working is going towards a laptop for Ashinan! Which makes me uber hyper and want to type excessively. ((squints eyes)) Though I would like to reach a hundred reviews after I post this ((grin)) So, yes. That is my rant for the day. Please enjoy this chapter - again, sorry for it being so short!

I was listening to **My Oh My - Aqua **(hush!) and **Desert Rose - Sting**. I was into oldies this time around. ((scurries off))

* * *

**Chapter 6  
The Nightmare Continues**

Another day passed full swing, with Raito fidgeting. He usually didn't fidget. Then again, he usually didn't do a lot of things, but ever since coming to this god-forsaken building, and being chained to a problematic insomniac, rationality and his usually composed demeanour were all shot straight to hell.

Granted, he had distractions during the day to take his mind off last night's events. Yet even then his mind ambled away to watch the video recording of his memories. He had acted rashly, and without thought, something he wasn't prone to doing, but was currently making a bloody habit of. Of course, he could use up his 'relapse' excuse, but what was the point of denying that part of his mind anymore? He knew he was attracted to the spindly detective, and, damn it to hell, he wanted him. And now he was allowing his mind to amble towards that very disturbing gutter again.

Raito tapped a pen against the sheets of paper strewn out in front of him. Not truly seeing the reports – yet knowing full well they were on Kira's latest victims – he thought up justifications for his actions. Nothing came immediately to mind. The tapping became more insistent. If he talked to L? No, no, that was imprudent and definitely something he _didn't_ wish to try at the moment. Okay, maybe if he watched for signs? Yes, that seemed more along his line of thinking. 'L watching' hadn't occurred in quite some time.

Raito peered from beneath his bangs at his chained counterpart, who was currently picking treats off an immense tray that Watari had placed by his side. Raito felt his stomach churn at the sight of so much sugar in once place, but he pushed the nausea away to watch L. The detective was frowning at his screen, his lips tugged down at the sides and his eyebrows furrowed slightly. Of course, anyone else examining L wouldn't notice this difference in appearance, but with Raito's sudden obsess – no, he wouldn't call it an obsession, but a _fixation_ – on the investigator, it was hard to miss. And something was bothering him.

Raito wondered vaguely if it had something to do with last night's occurrence. He hoped. He didn't wish to be the only one trying over something as significant as his sexuality. He winced. Gods, when had it come to that?

_When you first kissed him, you dolt, _chided his inner voice. He was becoming rather perturbed with this non descriptive, monotone voice that had taken up residence within his mind. He despised that it told him such obvious things, as if he couldn't figure them out without its help. Sure, they were things he would rather not think about, but still! He straightened. And why was he arguing with himself on such an issue anyway? He was supposed to be watching for signs.

The clock chimed in the hallway, signalling midnight. Raito shook his head and wondered when they would move the investigation upstairs. Upstairs...his mind ambled away and he yanked it back firmly. L watching. That was his task at the moment.

He looked at L from the corner of his eye, watching for all the signs he knew of so far. The twitch at his lip hadn't started yet, so he obviously wasn't that depressed about the issue. Yet his cheeks were oddly flushed, a pink tint contrasting against his pallid exterior. Again, Raito had to pull his mind back from wherever it planned to meander off to. His thought train was getting awfully long and difficult to stall at times.

L suddenly spoke, pulling Raito from his reverie, "We're moving the investigation upstairs, Raito-kun."

Midnight. Oh, how Raito would learn to hate that time of night.

* * *

Three hours later – Raito had stopped working after one – L called it a night, his face still that unusual pink colour. Raito had done extensive L watching during the allotted time, and had come to realize two things: 1) whatever was bothering said detective was enough to damage his usually pale skin with that faded pink, and 2) Raito was almost one hundred percent positive it pertained to last night's events. 

Raito followed L into the bedroom, purposefully avoiding the bed for fear of a reoccurrence.

_Not that you wouldn't want one,_ snickered the voice, which Raito chose to ignore as L uncuffed him.

Raito moved away, tugging at the hem of his shirt and pulling it off. He tossed it to the floor – he didn't much care at the moment about cleanliness – and moved over to the dresser. Rummaging in the drawer, he frowned when the familiar fabric of his night shirt wasn't found. Digging a bit more frantically – he was half-naked after all – he opened another drawer before turning on L.

"Ryuuzaki, where is my shirt?"

L raised an eyebrow at him, and looked pointedly at the floor, where he had just discarded his top. Raito twitched.

"Not that one. The one I sleep in."

L kept his eyes riveted on the shirt on the floor, eyebrows furrowed. He then looked up at Raito, and stated, "If you cannot find the one you sleep in, just reuse the one you discarded."

Raito bristled. He would not wear that shirt _twice_ – wait, why was he being stubborn on his?

L voiced his thoughts, "I don't understand why you're being intractable, Raito-kun. It is a shirt, therefore it should be worn, regardless of whether it's night or day. Correct?"

Raito gritted his teeth. Fine, if L wanted to be a smartass, then he would just go shirtless tonight. That idea sent his overtired mind spiralling into that wicked place, and he closed his eyes to regain control. No, not tonight. Please, not tonight.

"Fine." He marched over to the bed and flopped down on it, ignoring the stare L gave him. Yes, he knew he wasn't wearing a shirt. Yes, he knew L was eyeing him up. And yes, he knew he would get no sleep. Again. Damn it all.

Raito rolled over, showing his back to L. At least he could pretend.

* * *

Raito woke petulant. It wasn't the first time he was temperamental, yet it was the first time L had to deal with his sudden mood swings. The chain snapped like an irate snake between them, and L jumped whenever Raito made a move to get something. The team also took notice in the way Raito seemed to snap at everything, even inanimate objects, which was unlike the youth. Eventually Ryuuzaki called for a break, but not before a certain gothic princess dropped in on the group. 

"Raito-kun!"

Raito stilled, grouping himself for what was to come. Misa threw her arms around his neck, cutting off his oxygen supply. He waited five seconds before carefully detangling her thin arms from around him and setting her aside. The entire team was holding their breath.

"Hello, Misa. How are you?"

"Ah! Wonderful, Raito-kun! Would you like to go on a date?" she looked up at him with adoration. He swore her eyes were sparkling.

Raito glanced at L, who was still watching this latest swing. Of course, L didn't know this was all an act – or maybe the detective did. Well, it wasn't at first. Raito had been incensed when he awoke to find his shirt still not on his body, and owlish eyes staring unblinkingly at him from the foot of the bed. But that had passed and now he just wanted to see. He hadn't had a chance to witness the after affects of his rash decision. Why not test it here and now?

"I have plenty of work to do –" started Raito.

"But Raito-kun! You just got out of the hospital! You can spend some time with Misa outside, yes?"

_Perfect._ "Misa, you know I cannot leave. As Ryuuzaki has made abundantly clear, Kira waits for no one."

Misa turned on L, hands on her hips, expression that of sheer determination. She marched over to him and began jabbing him in the chest, enunciating every word with a sharp poke to his breastbone.

"You have kept Raito-kun locked up every day, of every week for the past two months! He hasn't seen Misa; he hasn't seen the light of day; he was even sent to a _hospital_ because of you! Misa doesn't understand why you would do such a thing! He is Misa's boyfriend, and therefore should do boyfriend things with her!"

Raito couldn't help but grin as a complete look of loss overtook L's features. It was so foreign to the usual stoic mask he had constructed for himself.

"Amane-san, you know I cannot leave Yagami-kun without surveillance," he explained patiently, wincing as she stabbed her forefinger against his breastbone.

"Misa will be Raito-kun's surveillance!" she smiled wickedly at Raito, who repudiated the urge to run away.

A look akin to disgust flitted past L's eyes. "Amane-san. **No**."

She glared at him and jabbed his chest once more, a little harder than she had before, causing him to fold slightly in on himself. She then turned away with a huff, grabbing Raito's hand in the process.

"Misa doesn't take orders from you, Ryuuzaki! Misa is taking Raito-kun outside, and if that means you have to come, then so be it!" And she proceeded to haul both boys towards the doors.

Raito obliged. Not that he had much choice in the matter; he wasn't one to halt a known schizophrenic, homicidal girl who was bent on the notion of having alone time with him. Besides, he was quite fond of the idea of going outside. L tugged furiously on his end of the chain, trying to impede the two from walking towards the entrance. Misa flashed him a triumphant grin before opening the door and walking out.

L gave up his futile struggle and fell into step beside Raito, throwing him a glare before hissing, "You will not sleep tonight, Raito-kun."

Raito sighed and muttered under his breath, "Not that I've been getting much anyways."

Ryuuzaki seemed not to hear him and Ratio shoved his hands into his pockets. Misa clung to his one side, her cheek rubbing up and down his arm. L walked on the other, the chain links dragging against the concrete as they proceeded down the steps towards the busy sidewalk. He refrained from pulling his limb away from Misa, cutting off his other arm to free himself from L and running back into the building. Suddenly his plan for fresh air was turning into a crumbling mess. He was stuck with the two people he found intolerable, and it was all for a little freedom. Granted, he wouldn't have minded spending some time with the detective, minus Misa. Wait, no, that wouldn't have added into his freedom equation. All right, now he was just confusing himself.

He was pulled from his musings with a sharp tug of the chain, and an equally abrupt jerk from Misa. Suppressing a growl, he glanced at the two and realized they had entered the crowds.

Sadly, they were obtaining many odd looks, mainly at the chain that bound L and him together. Two girls passed on L's side, and immediately whipped out their cell phones, increasing the humiliation. Raito's plan had definitely turned catastrophic.

"So what would Raito-kun like to do?" asked Misa. She released his arm to walk in front of the two youths, hands behind her back. L glanced around, eyes narrowed as he took in the sights.

Raito again muttered beneath his breath, "Push you both into a deep dark pit lined with spikes?"

Neither heard him.

L spoke suddenly, "As a forewarning, I am against this. Highly against this. If anything goes amiss, I solely place all the blame on Yagami-kun."

Raito began to merrily think up creative ways to strangle the detective.

Another group of gapers walked by, cameras whipped out to obviously record the chained youths. Raito gritted his teeth. Crumbling plan plus irritating detective equals something Raito would rather not delve into. Oh, and adding Misa into the mix was probably not one of his more shining moments.

"Well, Misa hasn't eaten, so Misa proposes food!" proclaimed Misa, jumping up on one foot, her hand fisted in the air. Raito twitched. No, no, he wouldn't throttle her. He had to save his meticulous plan for L. Obviously the team would get suspicious if he came back _alone_.

* * *

A food court meant more people, which meant more staring. L, of course, lifted his feet from his shoes and placed them on his chair before poking his meal. Raito just stared in disgust down at the tray of food Misa had patently shoved in front of him. Misa delved into her feast, which caused both youths to stare in astonishment. Not once had they witnessed her eat with such gusto. Yet of course, this caused more staring. At least it wasn't directed at them anymore. 

Until L moved.

"Yagami-kun, sadly, the meal that has been provided for me is unsatisfactory. Come," he rose, slipping his feet into his shoes. Raito had no choice but to get to his feet as well, stumbling along with the detective as he dragged him towards the bathrooms.

Grumbling as every eye in the food court was drawn towards them – they of course chose a seat that was in the middle – Raito snapped, "Could you not have waited until the meal was over?"

"Did you not hear me, Raito-kun?" Ryuuzaki was back to using his first name. Only in his company, never in others. "The meal that was provided was unsatisfactory."

"So you require a _bathroom_ to make a satisfactory meal?" Raito was perturbed. That was either the most disturbing thing he had heard, or the most confusing.

"Well, yes and no. I was planning on extracting us from this delicate situation," explained L, placing his hand on the swinging door. He glanced back at Raito, who had stopped moving.

"What do you mean?"

"I have Watari on speed dial. He will come here, and take us back to the main building. Unless, of course, you plan on continuing this madness?"

Raito sighed. No matter how much he wished to be anywhere but here, gawked at like some caged animal, he couldn't leave Misa alone with gossipers infinite. As that thought solidified in his mind, he realized with a jolt that the whole food court had witnessed their leaving. And if they didn't return...wow. He did not need this right now.

"Raito-kun? Yes or no?" asked L, holding the phone daintily between his fingers.

"For what?" Raito swallowed, firmly scolding his mind. It was essential for him to stay articulate whilst out in public. Away from their prying eyes, however...Hell no, he needed to stay calm! Frustrated snarls reverberated through his skull and he longed to scream out loud.

"Are we leaving, or staying in this three ring circus? I wish to return to my files," stated L, swinging the phone. A young mother with two children walked by, eyeing the two youths and the chain that connected them. A look of disgust flitted across her features and she manoeuvred her children around the two, keeping her disgruntled look in plain sight. Raito twitched.

"May we just return to the table? Misa is waiting," sighed Raito dejectedly. The detective cocked his head to the side and then stuffed the phone into his back pocket, following the suddenly despondent teen.

They managed to draw every eye in the food court – once again – and Raito tried to dispel any coherent thought from entering his mind. Better not to think... He tugged at Misa's arm, and after dislodging her from her food – which was all the same colour – he dragged both from the food court, not looking back.

"Raito-kun? Is something wrong?" queried Misa, tilting her head to the side.

Raito didn't answer. He was busy formulating a wall within his mind, a barrier to keep out that blasted gutter. He would forestall any and all conversations until that fortification was complete. Suddenly, the urge to laugh maniacally swelled up and he squashed the feeling with a bitter taste in his mouth. He was not losing his sanity. He was _not_.

They arrived shortly at the main building, Raito successfully ignoring every look, every question thrown his way. Misa took the steps two at a time, reaching the top before the two youths. Raito lagged behind, reluctant to return to his work, yet also longing to burst through the doors, away from the prying eyes of the public. He had sensed a camera or two – and not the ones carried just for the fun of it – following the trio, but he had no solid proof. If he and the chain showed up on the six o'clock news –

"I _will_ find a dark pit to shove the two of you into," he muttered darkly, joining Misa and L at the top of the stairs. He sighed and resigned himself to his fate.

Oddly enough, he was getting used to this part of the game.

* * *

**A/N: **Blergh...Like I said, it is much shorter than I usually type. But it's not my fault! Blame greed. Yes! ((nod nod)) So, I shall be updating again when I return to school - because my Beta reader is there and work is an evil slave driver - so look forward to the next (hopefully _longer_) chapter of **Abyssal Heart**! Adios and **Review!!!!** **Oh! And** **if you have this fav'd or have it on Story Alert, be sure to Review as well. The Authors get the alerts now, and just seeing a Fav or a Alert doesn't do it for me. Reviews make the autour uber happy and want to write more**! 

Next Update:  
**09/07/07**


	7. Wednesday

**A/N**: So...yes, I live. It's quite exciting. I'm very sorry this chapter took so long to get up, but I didn't get the money in time. Parents were being silly and won't allow me the laptop until I replace the cord. So, I finished this at school. School. Where if the teachers ever saw what I was working on, they may just put me in counselling. I mean, I'm not supposed to be fascinated by a show about serial killers. Or yaoi. Nope. Bad, bad, bad. Anyways, welcome to the newest chapter!

**Edit:** If some of you obtained an e-mail alert that stated the Eight Chapter had been posted, that was me being a moron. I forgot to get rid of the Author's Note _before_ I posted. So, I had to repost to halt mass confusion.

Was listening to **Forgiven** - **Within Temptation**. Yup, just the one song. Go me!

* * *

**Chapter 7  
Wednesday**

Raito sat straight up as the news came on, eyes intent on the screen. L sat beside him, fingers relentlessly tapping away at the keys. He didn't even spare the flickering box a glance, seemingly finding his computer much more intriguing. Raito tensed, his shoulders and neck coiling as if ready for an attack. All he could do was hope they hadn't made it onto the news.

Hope crashed around him when the anchor woman – some petite red head intent on seducing her viewers, what with how low her top was – grinned into the camera and began reciting the latest news: The headline being two youths walking harmlessly through the city – _chained together_. Seemingly this one new development was much more captivating than Kira's latest victims, or the criminals that were heralded on the news every night.

"_Eye witness reports place the three youths – two of which were shackled together – in a food court at one of the many malls surrounding the Kanto area. The two that were shackled were described as complete opposites, both male. They were accompanying Japan's rising model, Amane Misa. Why the up and coming model was with such people could not be confirmed. _

_The two males with her, attached by a two foot chain, were seen bickering not far from one of the many malls. Many are wondering why such an arrangement would be made, and that neither boy would fight to stay indoors. Speculation leads us to believe that the key was either lost, or it was a vulgar game gone wrong. More when we return._"

Raito wanted to strangle something.

Grumbling, he reached for the remote and recoiled when his hand hit flesh. Blinking, he looked up into the midnight orbs of his chained companion. He swallowed hard and fumbled to find the remote, his eyes never leaving L's. Why did he always find himself in these situations? Why couldn't he just push away every little emotion and pray to whatever God that _wasn't_ torturing him to spare him?

_Relationships require a few rough patches. Don't fret, I think Ryuuzaki has taken a shine to you,_ laughed his inner voice. He mentally glowered at it.

Finally, his hand made contact with cool plastic. Raising the electrical device, he flicked the television off, plunging the room into darkness. Well, truth be told, the blue hue emitting from Ryuuzaki's computer gave the room a faint glow, but there was still enough darkness to cause an odd tension to settle between the two youths.

Raito peered at his watch, hoping it was around three. That was the customary time for him to plead for sleep, and therefore attain said sleep. But then again, when had he actually fallen into anything resembling a slumber? His mind refused to shut down with him and he was left to ponder useless things until dawn appeared with golden fingers.

Sadly, it was not three, but twelve thirty. His eye twitched. Of course; the late news showed at eleven and twelve-thirty respectively. He was losing his mind. He truly was.

"Raito-kun, it seems that your stunt this afternoon has drawn attention to my character," came L's voice, smooth and icy in the darkness. Raito flinched before straightening and meeting L's hard gaze.

"No one knows who you are, Ryuuzaki. To them you're just another face, appearing only on the news to appeal to the viewers who are sick of hearing of Kira," explained Raito. "It will be gone by tomorrow."

Ryuuzaki continued to stare at him, his eyes eerie in the blue light. Raito shifted uncomfortably and finally stood up, stretching. L followed his form with his eyes, turning back to his computer once Raito stood with his hands on his hips.

"Raito-kun, if you don't wish to work, tackle some of the endless homework Matsuda has brought here," gestured L.

Not long before, Matsuda had rushed to the university, grabbing the two month supply of work Raito had missed. Raito, of course, was impartial to such a task, not able to decide whether the Kira case, L, or homework was worse. In the end, his L quandary outweighed the others.

"Fine," he strolled over to the opposing table, and was stopped short not two inches from the table. Grunting, he reached out his fingers and just barely brushed the top paper. At that point, he felt something snap inside of him.

Tugging furiously on the chain, he heard a thump behind him and couldn't help the grin that graced his lips. An indignant snarl of rage was all that alerted him before two feet struck his side, sending him tumbling to the floor. L had him pinned to the ground, legs on either side of his chest, nose inches from his own.

"You pulled me off the couch," he hissed. Raito raised an amused eyebrow and continued to watch the different shades of red play across L's cheeks. "You lost all my data." Raito didn't want to grin. Really, he didn't. But he couldn't help the upwards twitch of his lips. "And now you will suffer."

Another eyebrow rose and Raito allowed that grin to bloom, "Oh?"

"No sleep for you tonight."

Raito had been expecting something entirely different. Stifling an obvious groan of annoyance, he pushed at the spindly detective, throwing him off. L rolled to a crouch, watching the other youth carefully, eyebrows furrowed over brooding eyes.

"Oh, calm down, Ryuuzaki. I'm not going to _attack_ you. I just…" Raito let out an agitated moan and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. If he couldn't _see_ Ryuuzaki, then maybe Ryuuzaki wasn't really there! That analogy had him cringing. Losing his fucking mind.

Finally, he pulled his hands away and blinked away the black spots that had surfaced after pushing the heels into his eyes. He sat up slightly, glancing over at the still crouched L and then at the computer that was lying on its side, a message splayed out across its window. Raito stood and wandered over, guilt suddenly getting the better of him. He actually had lost all of Ryuuzaki's data. The remorse gnawed at his stomach as he knelt to pick up the piece of machinery. The message blinked up at him insistently, hoping he could repair it. Turning to L, who was now standing much closer than before, he offered the laptop to him.

"Sorry."

Ryuuzaki sighed, and pulled the laptop from him with quick fingers. He let those hands dash over the keyboard until he found what he was looking for and pressed a single button. The room was plunged into darkness.

Raito allowed his eyes to adjust and saw that L's face was inches from his own. Recoiling slightly, he brought up a hand as if to push the detective away but instead he pivoted and walked towards the bedroom. L followed at a leisurely pace, and Raito noted the soft smile on his lips. When they finally entered their room, Raito lifted his arm and L expertly took off the cuff, all while in the dark. Raito moved towards the dresser, got dressed as quickly as possible, and flopped down on the bed, letting out a pleased sigh. The bed sank on his right and he turned slightly to regard the skeletal detective as he settled back against the pillows.

"So, I guess that was an idle threat?" Raito ventured carefully, grabbing one of the pillows and putting it beneath his head.

L turned his ebony glare on the younger and raised a tactical eyebrow. "No. We are going to play a game."

"A game."

"Yes."

"A _game_."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I do not make futile threats. You are going to tell me everything you know about Kira," L raised a hand when Raito opened his mouth to protest that _he wasn't Kira_, "And yes, I know where you stand on this. But since you have destroyed all my information, I'm going to have to pass the time somehow."

"How about letting me sleep?" muttered Raito into the pillow.

"Who was Kira's first victim?"

"You're kidding me right? No one knows if that criminal was in fact Kira's first victim."

L sighed heavily, bringing his thumbnail to his lips, "True, but in order to ascertain Kira's pattern –" "We already know his pattern, Ryuuzaki." "– we must initially analyze his first victim and why he killed him."

Raito sighed, noting that L hadn't heard him. And that he was still talking. So much for their little _game_. Raito curled his arms tighter around the pillow, allowing his mind to wander away. Amazingly enough, it didn't immediately jump into the gutter. Even more astounding, it couldn't come up with anything remotely interesting to ponder about. Raito frowned at this. When did he lose the ability to actually wonder?

"Raito-kun, are you ignoring me?" queried L, bringing Raito out of his musings. The brunette peered at the detective with one eye, concentrating solely on the way his hair moved back and forth when he was talking. Another thing he would have to add to his list of things L did.

"No. I'm wondering about your question. If we plan on keeping this up till three –" Insert quick glance at watch showing it was only twelve forty-five. "– then we must actually think about our answers. I quite dislike tests if I haven't studied for them, Ryuuzaki."

L raised a critical eyebrow and chewed thoughtfully on his thumb. Raito pounded his head softly into the pillow, muttering under his breath, "Okay, listen, Ryuuzaki. We _know_ Kira is after criminals. We _know_ Kira is doing everything he can to kill you. Why would _I_ know why?"

L placed his chin in his palm, "I didn't inquire as to how _you_ know. I simply wish to know exactly what you recall from past workings."

Raito gritted his teeth and buried his face deeper into the soft pillow. Maybe if he feigned interest, L wouldn't notice him dozing off. No, that plan was too simple. Frowning, he began to run through other sleep strategies, yet he came up with nothing aside from knocking L out.

"Ryuuzaki, must we debate this matter at such a late hour?"

"Late? Raito-kun, it is only one o'clock. We have many more hours before your nightly beseech for sleep."

Raito glared with one eye, "I am really beginning to dislike you, Ryuuzaki."

A genuine smile graced L's lips, "Ah, but Raito-kun, I have developed a strong liking towards you."

That was Wednesday.

* * *

Raito rolled over, eyes blinking open blearily as the sun penetrated his eyelids. Groaning, he turned his face into the soft pillow cradled around his head and rubbed at it absently. His mind did a quick reboot and he jerked upwards, staring around at his surroundings. The last thing he remembered was trying – futilely – to convince Ryuuzaki to let him get some rest. And then he had passed out. Had he succeeded in his plot?

Said detective walked out of the bathroom moments later, a towel atop his ebony locks and one wrapped around skinny hips. Raito blatantly stared. How could he not? He had never seen L without his usual cotton shirt and blue jeans. It was...startling.

L wasn't as skinny as Raito had originally thought. His hips barely kept the towel in place, and the white fluff blended into the pale skin that covered his body. His stomach was lean – another shock, as he ate so many sweets – and Raito could just pick out the outline of each rib on his chest, which was devoid of hair.

_Calm, Raito. He hasn't noticed your being awake. Just put your head back on the pillow and pretend,_ his mind whispered encouragingly. He did as it said, carefully closing his eyes and blocking out the glorious sight of the semi-naked detective.

Minutes passed and Raito suddenly felt weight push the side of the bed down. Risking a glance, he imitated rubbing sleep from his eyes and blinked up at L, who was now fully clothed, "Ryuuzaki?"

"Good morning, Raito-kun. I allowed you to sleep in a little longer than usual. Don't question why. We must be downstairs in half an hour. Shower," L gestured to the bathroom and stood up, leaving Raito alone in the bedroom.

"Wait, what?" Raito sat up, staring at the doorway the detective had just waltzed through. He was left alone. By himself. To take a shower? What was going on?

He tugged experimentally with his right hand and found the cuff was still encircling his wrist. But the chain lay limp in the middle of the bed, mocking him with that one silver eye. He sighed and sat up, tossing a hand through his hair before standing. The other cuff thunked to the floor.

Raito bent and picked it up, carrying it with him to the bathroom in a daze. Ryuuzaki trusted him this much? He would allow him to actually shower without having to worry about the chain? Something was wrong. This was all some game to get him to admit he was Kira – _which he wasn't, was he? _– and he wouldn't fall for it.

After showering, he realized he hadn't any clothes in the washroom with him. Wrapping the towel loosely around his hips, he walked out and wandered over to the dresser, pulling out his clothes. Turning, he was surprised to see the detective sitting on the bed, one hand covering his eyes and a discernible blush on his cheeks.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Please finish changing, Raito-kun. We must move downstairs for the briefing."

"Ah, of course," Raito walked back into the bathroom, closing the door slowly so he could watch the detective's reaction. L drew a hand down the side of his face, letting out an audible groan before biting angrily at his thumb. A smirk plastered itself on Raito's lips before he firmly closed the door.

That was _still_ Wednesday.

* * *

Raito tapped a pencil against the table, eyes glazed and far off as he allowed his mind to wander. L sat beside him, tapping the keys on his computer, eyes glowing in the blue hue of light. His father and the others were on the couch, mulling over files and whatnot. Misa hadn't been seen. Raito, for once, was content.

Of course, we cannot have him being content for too long.

"**Raito**-**kun**!" A yell reverberated through the room and Raito visibly tensed, his eyes growing wide.

L turned in his seat, raising an ebony eyebrow. Raito twisted slightly in his chair as well, just in time to catch a blur of blonde as it launched and successfully attached itself to the brunette. Said brunette tried to pry off the leech, but instead, caused the helpless chair he was sitting upon – which bore both weights – to collapse backwards and deposit Raito and the blonde on the floor.

"Raito-kun, Misa missed you!" cooed the blonde, nuzzling against Raito's cheek. He scowled slightly and pushed Misa away, carefully getting to his feet. Misa stayed on her stomach, elbows on the floor and hands cradling her cheeks. She beamed up at him and kicked her legs.

"What is it you want, Misa?" queried Raito, picking up his fallen chair. He risked a glance at L and noted the detective was looking directly at something Raito found quite offensive. Aka, Misa's partially exposed chest.

"Well," she began, pressing a finger to her lips, "Misa wanted to go on a date with Raito-kun, but then she remembered that the mean detective is attached to Raito-kun, which takes away from Misa time. But! Misa is willing to make a compromise. Ryuuzaki can come with Misa and Raito-kun as long as he doesn't try to take away Raito-kun."

Raito's head spun from Misa's complete lack of grammatical use. She seemed to be in her own world now, wiggling back and forth on the floor as she rambled on about some type of dating activity. Raito glanced at L and was a little hurt that the detective was still staring at Misa's chest.

"Ryuuzaki. We must return to our work," stated Raito, turning to deposit himself in his chair. It groaned under his weight and he quickly moved forward to lay his fingers on the keyboard.

L didn't move, but his eyes flickered to meet Raito's and he suddenly flushed. His head swivelled about until it was facing the computer and his body moved to accommodate the motion. Soon, both youths were back to staring at blue hued computer screens, leaving a highly incensed Misa still on the cold floor.

"Ryuuzaki, Misa demands time _alone_ with Raito-kun," stated the blonde with a saccharine coated voice, launching to her feet and wrapping her pale arms around Raito's neck. Raito glanced down at the appendages and let loose a heavy sigh.

"I cannot allow that Amane-san," whispered Ryuuzaki. The other team members were no longer paying attention to their work, but to the love triangle before them. Of course, they didn't realize it was a love triangle, because they didn't know that Raito was in fact courting L, not Misa. However, if this information got out, his father would most likely take him off the case, just to protect him. And maybe "fix" him.

"That is unfair, Ryuuzaki. You have kept Misa's Raito-kun all to yourself ever since you got that chain. It is unfair to both Misa and Raito-kun!" hissed Misa, pushing her chest against the back of Raito's head.

L stopped typing, his head slightly bowed with his hair covering his expressionless eyes. Raito watched him carefully, hoping, somehow, someway, that the detective would confirm Misa's suspicions. That he would admit he loved Raito as much as the brunette loved the detective.

Raito swallowed hard in surprise. When did he allow the "L" word to enter his mind? Granted, L's name was…well, L, but that wasn't the word he would usually associate with the stoic insomniac. Something was wrong. Some type of pheromone was making him act out of character, and irritation set in.

"Misa, get off of me." Raito shrugged off the blonde's arms and stood. L finally lifted his head and glanced at the younger, their eyes meeting for a split second before L stood as well. He waved at the team, silently telling them to continue their work. Raito fell into step beside L, and purposefully ignored Misa's howls of rage. They entered the elevator in silence. The exited the elevator in silence. But when the door to their room was opened, suddenly their voices were found.

"Ryuuzaki…"

"I'm sorry, Raito-kun. Amane-san had every right to ask for simple time with you. It was wrong of me to shrug off the issue so lightly."

Raito allowed the hidden rage to roar to life, "What do you mean 'wrong'? What makes you believe I want to spend even an ounce of time alone with that woman? It isn't her that I want, Ryuuzaki! I don't know how many times I'm going to have to make that clear. Do I have to say those words to you in order for you to understand?"

"Words?" The detective looked perplexed.

"Yes, the words. The words that show just how much I care about you."

L's eyes widened and his lips moved soundlessly. Then he began shaking his head, ebony locks flying in every which direction, "Don't say anything, Raito-kun. Our relationship is nothing more than a precaution. I only wear this chain as an assurance. Do not be mistaken about these _feelings_."

Raito clenched his fists, staring at the glittering chain that separated, yet connected them, "I don't understand you, Ryuuzaki. One moment it seems as if you care, but the next you return to being unfeeling. What…?"

"Don't ask questions you are not prepared to comprehend, Raito-kun. Now, come. We must return to the investigation." And with that, the detective swept past Raito, leaving the youth with a bewildered stare. He was forcefully dragged along behind the investigator, and all the while he stayed silent, his untold feelings mulling about in his mind. Eventually, as the elevator doors opened to reveal the other team members, Raito made a pact with himself. He would no longer show his feelings to the detective, but lock them away.

After all, he wasn't supposed to feel anything like this, right?

* * *

**A/N: **So, like I stated above, the laptop is still not my own, so I cannot be sure of the next update date. Please, be patient and I shall try my damndest to get the next chapter up within two weeks. And I'm so sorry for making this late!

Next Update:  
**Unknown**


	8. Buried Alive

**A/N**: Ahaha! I finished it! This chapter practically wrote itself. I mean, it just flowed so well and I was ecstatic for five hours after it was complete. So, this is delightful!

It came to my attention that Death Note is now in English. I literally squealed when my friend told me this, and hurried home to watch it. And I melted. Seriously _melted_ when I heard L's english voice. I swear, I adore him even more now. I mean, I have re-entered my L phase (ask _dancinginbloodiedshoes_ about just how bad that phase was) solely on the fact that his english voice is so damn _sexy_. And fits him wonderfully. I mean...Gods.

All right I'm done. I was listening to **R-Evolve - 30 Seconds to Mars** and **Apologize - One Republic**. You _must_ download these songs to get an extra emotional kick from this chapter. They are both so delightful. ((Sighs and flutters off to listen to L's voice again))

* * *

**Chapter 8  
Buried Alive**

Days passed and Raito remained stoic. He ignored the other team members, throwing himself into the investigation with renewed vigour. L said nothing of this new change, but Raito discerned the way L worried his bottom lip and the constant tap of his fingers on the cool table top when he wasn't searching files. He also felt L's gaze lingering on him more, as if expecting the brunette to turn and suddenly meet his eyes. Raito never gave in; he simply kept his head bowed and fingers moving. He wouldn't allow any more mistakes.

The pitter patter of rain on the bedroom window awoke Raito one dismal night, and the brunette turned slightly, trying to ignore the noise. His brow wrinkled slightly when he felt something caress his cheek, but he quickly relaxed, moving back towards sleep. Just as he was about to doze off, he felt something soft – suspiciously like lips – touch his forehead. Turning away from the thought, he dropped off into his dream world, where emotions weren't held in check.

He was again awakened by rain. Groaning, he rolled over and slammed his head into his pillow, trying to disregard the noise like before. Pillows were supposed to be made to block out such nuisances; why wasn't it working? The rain mocked him by increasing in tempo. Soon, he was sitting up with his russet eyes narrowed. That was when he realized he was alone in the bedroom.

Curious, Raito tugged his right hand, and the chain that connected him to his other half was slack. That meant Ryuuzaki wasn't in the room, and had decided that leaving him unattended was reasonable. Glancing at his watch, he noted it was only four in the morning. He had been asleep for two hours. _Only_ two hours.

The brunette stretched and stood, hand absently winding the chain around his waist. He tucked the cuff into his waistband and went in search of his stoic partner. His search revealed that L wasn't within their shared room. No familiar blue hue drenched the living room; no golden light emitted from the bathroom or kitchen. Frowning, Raito opened the door and walked out into the hallway, eyes quickly adjusting to the new darkness. His feet carried him down the hallway – the elevator was still on their floor, so Ryuuzaki hadn't taken it – until he noted a slight difference in lighting beneath one door.

His frown deepened and he touched the handle, pushing lightly. The door made no noise, and he cautiously peeked inside. Within was a minute room, much like L and his. There was no kitchen however, and the couch was substantially smaller. The light was emanating from the settee itself and Raito warily stepped inside, closing the door with a soft click behind him. The chain cuff was cool against his wrist and he rubbed at it absently before making his way to the sofa.

He peered over the edge of the couch, and was quite surprised to find his detective lying on it, one arm placed over his eyes, mouth open and breathing softly. The computer was situated on his lap, and still running. Raito focused on what L was searching for. Images flitted by, as if the laptop itself was searching for information. Raito was surprised to see himself in one of the photos. There were multiple ones of him, usually doing mundane things, such as studying and talking to Misa. Wait...talking to Misa?

"Yagami Raito, possible suspect in Kira case. Age eighteen, student at prosperous university. Substantial evidence was gathered to place the young teen in custody, yet something went wrong. During the isolation period, he seemed to lose all recollection of what he had done, and who Kira was. The same can be said of Amane Misa.

"Amane Misa, possible suspect of being the Second Kira," here, multiple pictures of Misa were lined up beside Raito's. Again, they were of the blonde doing everyday things, but one caught Raito's eye. It was of Misa knocking on his door, and looking to the side, as if afraid she had been followed. Raito frowned, pressing the down key in order to read what L had on Misa.

"Prestigious model, usually seen in many magazines across Japan. Special relationship with Yagami Raito. Possibility of being the second Kira: 79.8 percent."

Raito quickly scrolled up to his percentage. If L thought he was truly Kira, maybe it wasn't his fault he was being so stoic and reluctant to reveal his feelings for Raito. It was plausible, right?

"Yagami Raito's possibility of being Kira: 98.3 percent."

Raito took a step back, eyes wide. L _actually_ thought...Raito placed a hand on his forehead, and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Ninety eight percent. L was _ninety_ _eight_ percent certain Raito was the first Kira, the mass murderer. So it was true. L held no special feelings for him aside from wanting to put his head on the execution block. Raito suddenly felt sick. He took another step back, and another, until his back bumped into wood. Turning, he searched for the handle on the door, and ripped it open, ignoring the squeal the hinges gave. He had to escape. Everything was too much.

He hadn't noticed the ebony orbs locked onto his retreating form.

* * *

Raito didn't sleep for the rest of the night. He feigned it however, when L came back into the room to reattach the cuff. Raito said nothing as the detective shook him awake, choosing to remain silent. He didn't care if L thought that made him seem culpable; the investigator obviously had his mind already set on Raito's guilt. But the thing was, Raito knew nothing of being Kira. He didn't remember a solitary thing. The only memory he had that was clear as day was when he first met the detective and felt a type of pull towards the older male. Now...now those feelings were buried deep. The attraction was still there, but how could Raito love someone who thought he was a megalomaniac?

The day was filled with silence. Matsuda tried to strike up a conversation, but Raito remained mute. Misa came to visit half way through and Raito made no move to detangle her arms from around his neck, or show any real emotion towards the way her body pressed up against him. He was unfeeling, completely hollow. He couldn't think properly. The Kira case had taken on an entirely new meaning. What was he? Was he really the killer?

Raito suddenly felt unsettled and turned slightly, staring blankly into L's clear eyes. The detective said nothing, just lifted his hand with the cuff encircling his wrist and held up two fingers. Raito cocked his head to the side, trying to understand without saying anything. The team watched on in silence.

"How many fingers am I holding up, Yagami-kun?"

Back to the last name. It wasn't all that surprising to Raito; they were in front of the team. Obviously L couldn't show any familiarity with a _suspect_.

Raito said nothing, just held up his fingers to copy L's motion. The detective frowned, and then posed his entire palm, "Now?"

Raito copied the motion.

L sighed and slid from his chair, tugging on Raito's chain as a gesture for him to stand. The brunette followed silently, looking down at the silver links that bound him to his other half. He wondered vaguely what L would think if he left during the night, if he ignored the entire 'chained-because-of-precaution' and walked away. Could he really do it?

A goal now in mind, he waited for the elevator doors to open and walked in slowly, L still leading him. He remained silent until they entered their room, where L turned on him and pinned him with a glare.

"Raito-kun, I do not enjoy your sudden disposition. You are frightening the team, and myself. What happened?"

Raito stared at the detective, completely emotionless. This was what Kira felt when he passed judgement on the criminals, correct? So, if L was so sure he was Kira, then why not take up the entire charade, make L believe he was actually a serial killer. A soft smile graced his lips.

"I have no idea what you are proposing, Ryuuzaki. I am simply myself. What more do you expect?" he inquired in a soft voice, watching the detective's face change from fury to disbelief.

"I don't expect anything more from you, Raito-kun. But I consider you a friend, and friends should help one another, correct?"

"You are mistaken, Ryuuzaki. I feel nothing for you."

Raito turned, tugging on the chain to pull along the detective. He could still picture L's face, the incredulity contorting his features. A sad smile twisted his lips and he bowed his head once more as the elevator doors closed behind him. L stood by his side, hands shaking slightly, thumbnail caught between his teeth. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes glazed. He looked as if a great blow had been dealt to him.

And Raito felt nothing.

* * *

Once more, Raito awoke to rain. And once again, he felt something caress his cheeks and soft lips touch his forehead. He ignored it, turning to the side to hug his pillow. His eyes snapped open moments later when the door clicked shut. Sitting up, he tugged on his right hand and found the chain lying on the mattress. Nodding to himself, he wrapped it delicately around his waist and waited another ten minutes until he stood from the bed. Glancing around the dimly lit room, he did his routine check of the suite, not finding L in any of the rooms. It came as no surprise, and Raito found his way into the kitchen.

The cupboards were filled with sweets, and the refrigerator was the same. He fished out two bottles of water and some less sugary treats and stuffed them in his pockets. He then wandered back into the bedroom, digging through his clothing until he found his wallet. Carefully placing that in his back pocket, he grabbed a jacket and slid it over his shoulders. The chain was still wrapped securely around his waist and he looked himself over in the mirror before nodding in finality.

The door opened without a sound and he carefully slid out, looking down the hallway to find the familiar glow beneath one of the doors. Sure enough, there was a blue hue emitting from under the fifth door and Raito turned away, making his way to the elevator. Once he was enclosed in the metal death trap, he pressed the main floor button and waited, his mind whirling. Was he actually going to go through with this? What would happen if the team found him missing, if L returned to find the bed empty?

Raito suddenly didn't care, and when the doors opened, he breezed past the monitors, past the silent computers and empty couch. He bypassed the security and found himself in the parking garage. It was as empty as the inside and he made his way to the metal door leading to the outside. His fingers lingered on the handle, and again his mind wandered to the consequences of his actions. That sudden numbness coiled about him and he pushed the door open, allowing the rain to sluice into the parking lot, the wind to blast back his hair. He was almost free.

The door closed with finality behind him and he was off, hands burrowed deep in his coat pockets, face nestled into the collar of his jacket. The wind was relentless, blasting him from all sides, sending his hair into a spiral of russet. He didn't care.

After five minutes of useless walking, he turned to regard the building that had been his prison for that last two and a half months. His hands came forth from their warm nest and he pulled back a sleeve, staring at the cold metal that encircled his wrist. It mocked him, a testament of his shackled feelings towards L. Suddenly furious, he pushed the sleeve back down and pivoted, marching off into the night, ignoring the storm that whirled around him, threatening him with sickness. He couldn't find it in him to care anymore. All his emotions were locked away; all of them were with L. Always with L.

He wasn't sure how many hours he walked, but suddenly the streets became filled with people. He watched the bodies blend together, a mass of discoloured figures meshing into one. He was a part of this blotch in life. He joined the crowd, allowing them to carry him where they may. Eventually, he found himself in a familiar neighbourhood. His home was not five minutes from where he stood. He turned away before he could allow his feelings to surface.

Noon came quickly and the rain slowed to a drizzle. Raito continued to walk, his feet pounding into the cement at an even beat. People rushed by him but he didn't allow his eyes to stray from his path. Where he was going, he had no idea. All he knew was that getting away from his prison, from L, was his only goal. Be it across the entire Kanto region, he would do it.

He eventually grew hungry and came upon a restaurant, pulling out the cash he had in his wallet to pay for the coffee and cake special. His stomach heaved when the plate was placed in front of him, and the strawberry on top mocked him. The cake was tossed carelessly onto the counter, and he grabbed his coffee and ran, leaving an overwhelming tip on the counter in his hast to get away.

The coffee turned sour in his stomach and he quickly located somewhere to sleep, again paying in cash. He lied about his name and age, ignoring the way the hotel clerk scrutinized his dishevelled appearance. As long as L couldn't find him, as long as he could remain numb, everything would be all right. _He_ would be all right.

Night came crashing down with rain and thunder, lightning and wind. Raito buried himself under the thin hotel sheets, uncurling the chain to lay it beside him. The blinds were too skeletal to keep out the clash of lightning, and it lit upon the glittering metal, a reminder that regardless of how far Raito ran, he couldn't escape. He was chained to L, despite the distance put between himself and the detective. It didn't matter.

Raito fell into a fitful slumber.

* * *

Morning dawned bright. The sun shone directly into Raito's eyes and he woke from his dream with a start. Panting slightly, he sat up, burrowing the heels of his palms into his eyes. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on his knees, allowing the constant throb in his irises to deter the pain in his heart.

He had been gone an entire day and L still hadn't found him.

Swallowing hard, he threw off the blankets, searching quickly for his things. The cuff thunked to the floor behind him and he turned to regard the cold metal. It stared up at him and he quickly tied it around his waist, ignoring the biting chill that emitted from its links. He slid on his jacket, made sure his wallet was in place and walked out of the room.

Raito fished his cell phone out of his pocket and checked the service. He wasn't surprised to find nine new messages. Flipping it open, he regarded the numbers and realized three were from his father. He also had a new voicemail. Dialling in the numbers to access it, he listened for the familiar voice of his father. Instead, he heard a different, stoic tone. His heart began to race.

"_Raito-kun, I apologize for causing you harm. I did not realize what type of effect this ordeal had on your psyche. But you must recognize the fact that I left you alone at night to see how long it would take you to follow me. I did not realize that what occured that night would frighten you into running. I apologize as much as a human can for hurting you. _

_"I demand not your immediate return, but that you meet me instead at the same mall Amane-san had forced us to. I am desperately hoping you will access your voicemail before noon, as that will be the time I wish to meet you. I understand your desire to run, but do not make me take drastic measure. Be assured, Raito-kun, that I will go to extremes to bring you back to me." _

The message ended after those words and Raito closed the phone with numb fingers. His hands brushed up his sleeve and he noted the time was quarter after twelve. He had no idea where he even was.

His luck paid off however, when a bus pulled up in front of him and opened its doors. He walked on and asked the man which malls the bus went to. He was told that the bus went to three, and one of them was his destination. He paid the fare and sat down, his mind still frozen. His fingers played with the keys and he continued to trace his father's number. Finally, he settled for actually pressing the keys in.

The phone rang tersely and then his father's voice echoed through is mind. A soft sigh escaped him, "Hello, Father."

* * *

The mall was jam packed with shoppers, all mulling about in front of the shop windows. Raito scrutinized them through hooded eyes, watching for any sign of ebony hair and bad posture. He had only been half an hour late; L might not even be here anymore. A sigh escaped his lips and he pushed back against the wall, head slightly down.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of black hair. Jerking his head up, he caught sight of it again and recoiled. Matsuda. Matsuda was in the mall! L...he had used Raito's affection against him, to trap him.

Snarling silently to himself, Raito dug his hands into his pocket and made a bee line for the exit. He was stopped however, when fingers wound around his forearm, bringing him to a halt. He snapped his head to the side with an angry retort on his lips, but it died when russet met ebony. L glared up at him, tugging once more on his arm.

"Ryuuzaki?" he asked hoarsely, staring at the insomniac.

"Raito-kun, I did not believe you would show. I almost feared that drastic measures would be required," replied L, dragging the youth to a nearby table, and situating himself on the opposite seat. He pushed a cup of something towards Raito with a finger and drew his knees to his chest.

Raito stared at the cup, hands winding slowly around the warm exterior. He was suddenly unsure, the torrent of emotional turmoil he had kept locked away surging upwards. He rubbed the bridge of his nose with a finger and allowed his eyes to meet L's.

"I apologize, Raito-kun," whispered L, pushing a sugar cube around the table with his forefinger. "I did not mean to cause you harm. It seems I misjudged my own words. They brought you grief. And for that I am deeply sorry. Friends should not hurt each other."

Raito stared down at the cup, pulling off the lid to gaze inside. The aroma of coffee infiltrated his senses and he peered into the liquid. Some part of his mind hoped that this simple gesture meant much more, that what L had told him a week before wasn't true. Maybe...maybe something was there.

Pale fingers suddenly touched his own and Raito glanced up sharply. L wasn't looking at him, but concentrating solely on the way the colours of their hands mingled. He drew in a ragged breath, and let it out slowly as their fingers intertwined and L carefully brought them to the middle of the table.

"I'm sorry," he whispered once more, eyes hidden by his bangs.

Raito glanced down at their entangled hands, relishing in the soft feel of the detectives palm. He closed his eyes and pretended that, under different circumstances – no, if there had been different circumstances, he wouldn't have met and fallen in love with L. He wouldn't have enjoyed challenging him, getting to know him, becoming an insomniac himself. He only wished L truly believed him when he said he wasn't Kira.

His eyes opened slowly and a sad smile came to his lips. Perhaps L truly didn't know what friendship entailed, that everything Raito had been showing the detective seemed to him as a sign of companionship, not a way of eliciting romantic involvement. Ryuuzaki...had never had any human contact before. Perhaps he thought this was all natural.

Raito felt a sudden urge to cry, scream, laugh, pull out his hair. Everything was so complicated when it came to Ryuuzaki, and he couldn't find any end to it. He pulled apart one knot only to find nine more in its place. He couldn't win this game. He had been losing even before he started.

Carefully, Raito pulled apart their fingers, keeping his eyes downcast. When he was sure L wouldn't try to grab his hand again, he carefully picked up the coffee, and brought it to his lips. If friendship was all L had to offer maybe that was all Raito could expect. After all, love wasn't something taken lightly. How did he even come to the conclusion that he wanted the detective as more than a friend? It felt as if Raito were being buried alive, and his screams were either ignored or rebuffed. He was dying inside.

_You're hurting yourself just to justify his ideals,_ came the voice in his head. Raito sighed. He wasn't being unreasonable; after all, he had never fallen in love before. Who was to say this was the real thing?

"Raito-kun," muttered L, bringing Raito out of his musings. He glanced up and saw the insomniac looking past him, and turned slightly to see what he was peering at. Matsuda and Mogi were walking towards them, both looking relieved. Matsuda was on the phone, talking quickly, and Mogi was pushing his way through teenagers and others alike to get to the duo.

"Raito-kun, if you wish to run once more, I won't stop you. Granted, I will put out a search for your person, but I won't think less of you if you leave me. I am unsure as to what you are feeling, but if you must search for your answer, I will wait."

Raito turned back to the spindly investigator, shocked. "Pardon?"

L began to play with the multitude of sugar cubes stacked in front of him, "I care about you, Raito-kun. You are my first friend, and I shared my first kiss with you. I do not wish to harm you any more than I obviously have. So, if you wish to run, run as far as you desire. However, I want to help you. Raito-kun, you told me in that storage room that it isn't bad to have someone care for you. Allow me to help in any way I can." L stopped pushing the sugar cubes to glance up, eyes locking with the stunned brunette's. "I am giving you a choice. I will not force your hand. I trust you, Raito-kun, and that is as much as I can give."

Turning slightly, Raito regarded his other two team members, still fighting through the crowd to get to him. He could stand, and walk out of the food court without incident. He could run, as he had been doing ever since admitting his feelings. But wasn't what he was doing cowardly? Wasn't he pushing away all his problems in order to once more achieve normalcy? What _was_ normalcy?

He glanced back at L, who was watching him with a blank expression, save for the inaudible twitch on his lower lip. Raito suddenly realized something. He wasn't weak. He didn't want to run anymore. He was a genius – why would one simple relationship destroy his mannerisms?

Standing, he watched L's face morph from blank to a forlorn neutrality. Taking a short step back, he looked between the two advancing teams: Mogi and Matsuda had stopped, eyes trained on his figure; L sat atop his chair, head still bowed and thumbnail caught between his teeth. Time seemed frozen.

Raito turned back to L and walked over to his friend. That was all the frail insomniac would be. A friend. He passed a hand through the soft ebony locks and then sighed, leaning down to rest his forehead on L's crown. Out of the corner of his eye, Raito saw Mogi and Matsuda move once more, and the food court bustled around them.

Silently, and out of view from the two walking towards them, Raito found L's hand and held on for dear life.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow, I am so flitty right now. I mean, harshly hyper. Crazy. Seeing as how this chapter is just _so_ happy-inducing ((eye roll)). Anyways, **please** press the pretty little greyish purple button begging for attention and leave some critic, love, or just say hello. I don't mind. Adios!


	9. Formula

**A/N:** Hello! So, I live, and I have decided that the hostage chapter is to be let free. You can thank _dancinginbloodiedshoes_ for how long it took me to update ((shakes finger at her)) She knows she must review before the next chapter can even be _thought_ about. So, I finished it and took in consideration everyone's ideas and thoughts. This chapter doesn't have much L thinking, but know that the next chapter will. We are nearing the end, my friends, and it's quite exciting. I thank you all for sticking with me for so long.

Forward _march_!

I was listening to **Colico - Kris Wilson** and **Easier to Run - Linkin Park**.

* * *

**Chapter 9  
Formula**

The reunion between team members was brief, but not without harsh words exchanged. Raito listened with acuity to every word emitting from his father's lips, but could find no reason to retort. His father had been worried; granted, any parent would be worried if their child suddenly disappeared in the middle of the night, as a raging storm howled outside. Matsuda seemed confused that Raito had called his father prior to his meeting with L. Everyone in the facility seemed perplexed, save Ryuuzaki and Raito.

Patting his father on the arm, Raito turned and made his way to the elevator. L followed at a leisurely pace, and when the doors closed, he glanced down at the chain that connected them once more.

Raito spoke first, crossing his arms over his chest, "Ryuuzaki, I know you truly believe I'm Kira. I know about the percentages. I guess that was why I ran. I simply thought you were using 'friendship' as a way of getting into my head, trying to deduce whether or not I was actually Kira."

L glanced up at him and frowned, "Those notes; they were only placed onto my laptop to watch your reaction. I knew one night you would follow me. I had to gauge your response. Needless to say, you reacted completely opposite from what I had predicted."

Raito matched L's frown, "So, you tricked me?"

Shaking his head, L placed a thumbnail on his bottom lip, "No, no, I wouldn't trick you, Raito-kun. I simply showed you the statistics from before you joined the team."

Raito's eyes widened, "You mean you thought I was Kira _before_ you allowed me on the team? What changed?"

L turned until he was facing Raito directly. Bringing up a hand, he touched Raito's cheek, drawing his pale hand down the skin, "You're eyes."

The elevator dinged open and L dropped his hand, turning to walk out of the metallic machine. Raito followed after like a lost puppy, bewilderment evident on his features. He was back in the prison, back in the arena where confusion seemed to be his backstabbing friend. Damn it, L needed to learn that friendship did not entail touching a person so affectionately! Raito dragged his fingers through his hair, and withstood the urge to scream. He stamped down all unnecessary affection and calmed himself. He could do this. He could.

L opened the door and carefully closed it after him. He then proceeded to take off the cuff that encircled his wrist, keeping his head bowed until the lock clicked open. Raito watched as well.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"When we are within this room, you are not required to wear the chain. I see no point in keeping you under lock and key when I am with you and more than capable of taking you down," L stepped forward and fit the key into the hidden lock on Raito's cuff.

Raito watched the silver slip from his wrist and the way L's fingers lingered slightly on the bruised flesh. Raito risked a smile and allowed his hand to drop, dislodging Ryuuzaki's hand. He turned away, but not before he saw the hurt flash through L's gaze.

"It is not nine o'clock, Ryuuzaki. Why are we here?" asked Raito, making his way to the couch. L followed slowly, his thumbnail caught between his teeth. He didn't sit when Raito lowered himself onto the sofa, just watched with hooded eyes.

"There is no problem with friends spending time away from work, correct?" asked L, seating himself instead on the coffee table. Raito cocked his head to the side, perplexed.

"No...but this is unlike you, Ryuuzaki. What is the real problem?"

The thumbnail was bitten rather aggressively before being deposited in L's lap along with his other fingers. He began to play with the hem of his shirt and frowned at the stain he found there, "Amane-san is no longer allowed to see you."

Raito blinked, "Wait, what?"

L glared fervently at his thumb before allowing his gaze to graze Raito's, "She distracts you from the case, correct? I see no point in continuing relations with her."

Stuttering, Raito tried fitfully to grasp onto his last shred of sanity, "But – Misa was – I mean, this is – what the hell?"

Speech had evaded Raito, laughing maniacally as it galloped away into the sunset.

L glowered at the stain designing his shirt before standing. He walked past Raito – who was still collecting his shattered thoughts – and wandered into the bedroom. A few moments passed before he returned, a smug smile in place, new plain white shirt hanging from his skeletal frame. Raito had finally managed to calm his overheating mind and was massaging his temples.

"Okay. Run that by me again," muttered Raito, squinting with one eye up at Ryuuzaki.

"I plan to ostracize Amane-san from the investigation room. She may see you at meal times, but that is all. I only wish for your cooperation in the case, and that cannot be forthcoming if Amane-san is flaunting about the room."

Closing his eye, Raito counted to ten before opening both, "You – I am so confused."

It was a great feat that Raito admitted this, and maybe he wasn't in the right state of mind to consider his words before they escaped his lips. Either way, the traitorous letters had formed in his brain, bypassed rational thought, and run straight out his mouth. He blinked in surprise as the words once more entered his mind to be processed. And only one thought formed when he realized what he had said. _Fuck_.

L cocked his head to the side, perplexed by Raito's confession before sitting back on the coffee table, "I am quite sorry, Raito-kun. I did not mean to confuse. I simply wished to tell you ahead of time that Amane-san will no longer be by your side."

_So, I have you for that, now?_ Raito wanted to inquire. He made sure those words were caught by rational thought before discarding them. Sighing, he sat up straight and allowed his fingers to drop from his temples.

"All right. I can live with that. But, we eat all our meals in the investigation room. How will Misa bypass your rules to see me?"

L thought about this for a moment, thumb absently dragging across his bottom lip. Raito watched the motion, hypnotized by it before pulling himself back and closing his eyes. If he couldn't see L – no, stop that notion before it could finish.

"I will make adjustments. As long as Amane-san realizes that she is no longer authorized to visit you at all hours, I will allow her that small freedom."

Raito flopped back onto the couch, methodically exhausted. They hadn't done anything but talk, but conversing with L was like conversing with another species. Complicated and not always thorough.

"Are you tired, Raito-kun? I have noticed your sleeping patterns have become irregular. I suggest you sleep early tonight, so the shock of not having Amane-san by your side doesn't overheat your mind," stated L, nodding in finality. Raito stared at him, mass confusion written upon his features.

Why, again, did he come back?

* * *

Raito curled his arms around his pillow, eyes blinking blearily as an afterthought. They shot open when he realized he wasn't, in fact, cuddling his pillow as he was prone to doing – not that he would ever admit to such a weakness. No, instead his arms were wrapped quite firmly around a thin frame, onyx hair tickling his chin. He blinked and looked down at the detective, whose hands were curled into Raito's shirt, one hooked in the collar of his top, the other lying delicately on his stomach.

Raito cocked his head slightly, getting a better look at his investigator. L's lips were slightly open, eyelids fluttering as he dreamed. His face was porcelain ivory, and the mask was gone. Raito smiled, allowing one of his hands to drift up to L's hair, toying with the silky strands. L whispered something, and burrowed his face in the crook of Raito's neck, causing the youth to stiffen slightly. He relaxed once L was comfortable and allowed himself to rewrap his arms around the older male. L seemed to squint; Raito could feel his face brushing delicately against his neck, and he jumped slightly when he felt lips graze his beating pulse. Swallowing hard, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the warm breath feathering his skin. Another murmur, followed by more movement. Raito could feel the chain links dancing across his shirt as the usual insomniac fidgeted in his sleep.

Raito contemplated his options. He could carefully roll L away from him, but a sudden selfishness enveloped him and he banished that option before it came to fruition. He could pull the detective closer, possibly stroke his selfish ego in the process and relish in the feel of L's body flush against his. A delicate blush spread across his cheeks and he looked away.

The moon was shining through the window and Raito watched her slow descent. His eyes began to grow heavy, but he didn't wish to return to the dream world. He wanted to hold L longer, feel wanted and possibly desired. Another flush spread across his cheeks at this thought. He was desired by many; all the girls fawned over him at school, even some of the boys did as well. He was impartial to such advances, and had never a problem obtaining dates. But the one person he wanted, the one person he needed to feel something for – he was sufficiently terrified. He had never truly managed a functioning relationship. It was mostly one sided, and even when he felt some sort of attachment to his partner, he quickly banished the thought as the person was either too idiotic, or much too clingy.

He sighed, the breath ruffling L's delicate hair. The detective grunted softly and shifted, hand winding through Raito's to hold it gently. Raito smiled down at L, his other hand brushing away strands of stray hair. He wanted this moment to last, to enjoy the warmth emitted from the other male.

His eyes drooped and he stifled a yawn, settling back against the pillow and intertwining his fingers tighter with his loves'. That one thought flitted through his mind softly, like a feather on the wind. He wanted to dissect those words, but his mind was hazy and he fell back into slumber with that one thought on his mind.

His love. His L.

* * *

Misa was _not_ impressed.

Raito winced as the words left L's lips, words that Misa would most likely not understand, simply because he was using vocabulary beyond her grasp. But he knew she comprehended the dreaded look upon his face, and he tried his utmost to _not_ strangle his detective.

"…and therefore, I no longer grant you permission to visit Yagami-kun whilst we are working on the investigation," L finished with a sharp nod. Raito waited for the time bomb that was Misa to explode. Surprisingly enough, she just took a deep breath and smiled.

"Of course, Ryuuzaki! Misa doesn't wish to hurt the investigation. Raito-kun needs to focus, yes he does," Misa's grin grew and suddenly Raito was terrified. "But! Ryuuzaki said, if Misa cannot visit Raito whilst he is investigating, Misa can visit him when he is _not_. Right?"

Raito saw the trap from a mile away. Obviously, his detective didn't. Most renowned investigator in the world, and he couldn't see the simple ambush Misa had laid out for the two of them.

"Correct," That one word situated Misa's win and the grin developed into full-on beam. Raito cowered.

"Then Misa can see Raito-kun after everyone leaves, in Raito-kun's _room_!" Misa clapped her hands together. Raito let out an agitated sigh, and L blinked in surprise. Turing his exasperated expression on the detective, Raito prodded L in the shoulder until the spindly insomniac glanced at him.

"This is your fault. Fix it," he hissed, low enough that Misa couldn't hear. L glared back, and crossed his thin arms.

"Amane-san, Ra – Yagami-kun and I investigate until early the next morning. Unless you are willing to forgo sleep to see your precious Yagami-kun, then you are more confident of his love for you than I am."

Ouch. Raito winced, and even managed to ignore the fact that Ryuuzaki had almost said his first name to Misa. He only slipped when extreme agitation came into play and Raito glanced at his lips. An inaudible twitch was visible and Raito let out another sigh.

"Misa, what Ryuuzaki is trying – _and failing_ – to say is that I need to focus. It is unlikely that you will be able to see me even after everyone leaves. What Ryuuzaki said was true; we usually do work until the late hours of the night. Meal times are the only occasion that you may grace me with your divine presence."

Flattery always worked when he was still in school; he couldn't see why it wouldn't work on Misa. Sure enough, her eyes lit up at the thought of being Raito's goddess, but she hadn't quite caught the dripping sarcasm that laced his words. L turned to regard him with a raised eyebrow, a slight smile curving his lips upward.

"Misa agrees!" she shouted suddenly, launching herself at the brunette and catching around the neck. He was unable to move his head in time, gaining a sloppy kiss to the lips. When she pulled away – after much shoving on Raito's part – he sighed, carefully disentangling her thin arms from about his neck.

"Then I shall see you at lunch, Misa," Raito bid farewell, dragging a grinning insomniac after him. Misa waved, one hand clutched to her heart and a love struck expression painted upon her features. Raito growled low in his throat before closing the door and whirling on L.

"Did I not state to be _gentle_ with Misa? And what happened to the whole 'renowned detective' bit? She isn't your usual dimwitted blonde, Ryuuzaki. She does have some brainpower when it comes to attaining time with me!" snarled Raito, pinning the detective to the wall. L watched him with that same guarded expression, and that haunted smile still on his lips.

Suddenly, he moved forward, tugging on Raito's shirt at the same time, colliding their lips. Raito's eyes grew wide and he pulled back almost immediately, mouth agape in amazement. L watched him with a soft smirk.

"Amane-san cannot kiss you if I cannot. That is a new rule in this game." L pushed himself forward, brushing his lips against Raito's before sliding past him. Raito followed in a daze, his mind hazy and completely focused on the kiss. Then anger pushed through. Hadn't they worked this out? Hadn't L stated – quite clearly – that they were only friends, that L didn't return his feelings? Frustrated, Raito tugged on his hair, swallowing the agitated moan that had bubbled forth.

Fine. He would play the game too. And he would win.

* * *

Lunch came all too quickly, and with it came Misa. She promptly sat in Raito's lap, legs clamping around Raito's thighs as he tried to move back. She burrowed her head on his chest, right beneath his chin. Raito felt his eye twitching and carefully brought his hand up to tap her back.

L had turned his chair slightly to watch the exchange, and Raito noted the anger welling up in the ebony eyes. His cheeks began to flush and that inaudible twitch began with a vengeance. Raito couldn't help but smile as a plan formed in his mind. If he kissed Misa, L would retaliate and kiss him as well. Granted, he had to lose some pride in order to gain what he wanted, but it was a small sacrifice to win the game.

"Misa is glad that Ryuuzaki kept his deal! Misa has Raito-kun all to herself for an entire hour! That also means Misa gets to kiss Raito-kun as much as she wants!" Misa's voice had risen in tempo and Raito winced slightly from her tone. He then allowed the blonde to plant a quick kiss on his lips.

Misa squealed in delight when Raito didn't turn away, like he was prone to doing, and slung her arms around his neck. Raito was quite glad that the team had left for lunch, that L, him and Misa were the only ones within the room. He allowed the blonde to capture his lips again, but pulled back almost as soon as their mouths touched. Raito suddenly felt vile. It was as if a monster had awoken within his stomach, and was clawing through the soft tissue, making him nauseous. He glanced up to find L quivering, eyes closed tightly and fingers digging into the arms of his chair. The nausea swelled and Raito gasped, trying to hold it back. What was going on?

Misa cocked her head to the side, watching her would be boyfriend gasp for air, "Raito-kun? Are you all right?"

_No, no, no._ "No. Let me up, Misa," he pushed her off forcefully, and launched to his feet, tugging fervently on the chain that connected him to his other half. L opened his eyes and carefully stood, hurrying along with Raito as he rushed to the washroom. Misa followed anxiously, but was stopped short when L turned his glare on her.

"Amane-san, please return to your room. I will call for you when Yagami-kun is well again," stated L, turning his back on the blonde. Raito watched her face fall, confusion flit across her eyes, but she nodded in understanding and pivoted, leaving the two alone.

"I'm sorry," croaked Raito, still trying to catch his breath. It felt like something had been clamped over his throat, constricting his airway and squeezing his lungs.

L fixed him with a scrutinizing glare, "Sorry? Whatever for, Raito-kun?"

The anger in L's voice was apparent and Raito whirled, ducking into the bathroom to finally let free the beast coiled in his stomach. After he was finished, he walked back out, hand still massaging his throat as if something was caught.

"You stated the new rules of the game. I only wished to exploit those rules to my advantage. And for that I apologize," Raito gaze a slight bow of his head, wincing as a burning sensation started to work its way up his esophagus.

L sighed, and leaned against the far wall, feet pale and bare on the cold tile. One hand cupped his elbow, whilst the other was near his mouth, thumbnail pushing at his bottom lip. Raito watched for a few silent, terse moments before L pushed himself away from the wall and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Let us return to work, Raito-kun. It is no use standing here, wondering over exploitations. Shall we?"

Raito swallowed hard and followed L back into the investigation room. He wondered vaguely what was being exploited, and why L would use that terminology. Fatigue washed over him and he lowered himself into the rolling chair with a heavy sigh. The computers were turned back on, and the lunch Watari had brought was left to slowly cool on the table beside them.

Neither spoke.

* * *

Days passed. Neither detective nor suspect said a word more than they were required to. It was as if they had returned to times before Raito's disappearance, as if time itself had been rewound and repeated, multiple times. Raito found it all tedious.

One such night, as both were plodding away on blue hued computers, Raito had an epiphany. It wasn't a strong realization, but it was enough to make him stop and stare blankly at his screen for a few moments.

What would happen once the case was complete?

That thought was accompanied by horrendously saccharine images and Raito stamped them down, allowing his fingers to resume their previous rhythm. Suddenly, his eye caught something. Frowning, he enlarged it and was practically blinded by the complete whiteness of the photo. Squinting to minimize the damage, he quickly scanned the black text and a gasp escaped his lips.

He had found it.

He said nothing to his silent companion, just minimized the window and saved it to a file. Then, he continued on as if nothing had happened.

The next day Raito clicked open the file and called over L, ignoring the flush of heat that swamped him at the detective's close proximity, and pointed at the news clipping, indicating everything and the conclusion he had come to. L nodded in understanding and called for a meeting with the team. They had found Kira.

But Raito felt something was wrong. A niggling in his overworked mind told him this wasn't the end; that regardless of when they caught the suspected Kira, time would continue to move towards an inevitable ending. Raito bit his bottom lip as L explained the workings of Raito's discovery and how everything would be conducted appropriately and in due time. There was shouting, and other such nonsense, but L finally got his way, shooing everyone out of the room once he was done his explanation.

L then turned to Raito, his back straightening of its own accord, eyes level with the suspected megalomaniac. Raito watched him cautiously, his mind whirling with possibilities, all of them pointing towards his incrimination. But one thought shone through, the one he had experienced when he found himself cuddling L and not his pillow.

Love. He loved L. He would never admit it to the detective himself, but Raito could feel his mind digesting the words, pulling them apart, worrying over them. Such a simple word, 'love'. It didn't have a definite equation, nor a definite solution. Everything depended on the reactants' reactions, and the product would be inexplicably defined by actions alone. Raito wondered vaguely if his actions would wind up being the correct formula for love. Doubt ate at him and threw darkness into his thoughts. He didn't want to think about this, not when he had just finished erecting his barriers, not when he had stopped thinking about sweet kisses, warmth and temptation. He shook his head softly and glanced at L through his bangs.

"Raito-kun," whispered L softly, and Raito glanced up, eyes locking with ebony. L gave a soft smile, one that actually reached his eyes.

Raito panicked, and quickly formed a plausible sentence, "We may have found Kira. The investigation is nearly complete."

The words that were unspoken, that permeated Raito's mind and sat within his delicate barrier made him grimace.

_But what will happen next?_

* * *

**A/N:** So, I'm sorry if this chapter seemed fillerish. I hope it didn't go too bad. Raito is now admitting his feelings solely to himself; I'm so proud of him! ((tear)) Next chapter will contain much more confusion, and, could it be? Kira returns? ((gasp)) You'll just have to wait and find out. Mwha.

Remember to **review**! I would **love** **ideas** on **how to make L show his true feelings towards Raito. **Any suggestions would be greatly welcomed! Until next time, adios!


	10. Welcome Home

**WARNING:** **This chapter contains a _lot_ of RaitoxL work. Meaning, if you don't want to read about them making out, then when you see the line **_If only _**please skip the rest of that segment until the next break in scene. Thank you.**

**A/N:** So, I decided that waiting till after exams is silly. Very silly. But still, Math was so stressful that I think I actually ruptured a blood vessel in my _brain_. Gods. Whoever came up with this sillyness that is Provincials should be shot. Multiple times. First in the kneecaps ((angry grumbling)).

So, before I let you all carry on with reading this delightful chapter, I have some good news! I. Got. Published! That's right, my writing is going to show up in a _book_. An actual, real live, print worthy, book! I am ecstatic! Like, I mean jumping-off-the-walls-before-falling-on-the-ground-because-of-a-seizure ecstatic! I shall give you all more updates on the actual printing of the book and whatnot at a later date. Right now, I just want to eat grilled cheese ((completely random)).

This chapter I was listening to a slew of music. **Inside of You - Hoobastank**;** Hollow - Submersed**;** Victoriam Speramus - Krypteria **and **Uhn Tiss - Bloodhound Gang.**

* * *

**Chapter 10  
Welcome Home **

Raito stared down at the computer, hands poised for action. His mind, however, was not on task, and none of the neurons that fired so rapidly within his overdeveloped cranium were doing anything at the moment. It was as if his thoughts had taken a short break, leaving an empty shell behind. He didn't know _what_ brought about this sudden onslaught of mind numbness; he just felt it eating slowly away at his sanity.

The bed creaked beside him and he finally snapped out of his reverie. Glancing to the side, he saw L with his head cocked to the side, watching him with hooded eyes. Raito raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

L continued to watch, the silence between the two stretching. Raito had a sudden urge to inquire why. He didn't know what would come after the _why_; he just wanted to say it, gauge the reaction L would give him.

Ryuuzaki leaned back slightly, one hand resting just left of Raito's hip. He frowned before looking at the computer, obviously contemplating something. Raito closed the laptop, eyes scanning for something in L's blank face.

"Why?"

The words slipped out without Raito's consent and he cursed his mind for once more forgoing rationality and being spontaneous. L blinked at him slowly, thumbnail attached quite attractively to his lip.

"Whatever do you mean?"

Raito sighed. Of course L wouldn't get it. No one truly understood what was happening to Raito, how his mind was slowly disintegrating all because of a silly insomniac and his silly feeling inducing powers. Raito winced visibly, he had _not_ just thought up that sentence. Coherent thought was eluding him in a desperate attempt to destroy his sanity. And he was letting it.

Ryuuzaki stood, and Raito followed him with his eyes. L glanced over his shoulder as he wandered away, one hand making a slight beckoning motion. Raito sighed and pushed himself off the bed, following the insomniac into the kitchenette located adjacent to their bedroom. He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed as he watched L dig through the cupboards, obviously searching for sugary sustenance.

"Why?"

This time, Raito had contemplated the outcome of such a statement, and he concluded that he had nothing left to lose. His sanity, his pride, even his sexuality, were all lost amongst a torrent of confusion. Just this once, he wanted to instigate the hell that he was living in and push it towards someone else. He wanted to feel a slight sliver of hope.

Of course, Raito now knew that hoping was something equally as foreign as L.

"Raito-kun, I do not understand your sudden fascination with that word. Many things could be concluded from 'why'. What is it you wish to know?"

L continued to dig through the cupboards, and it became obvious to Raito that he wasn't actually looking for anything. He was simply searching for a way to keep his hands busy. Frowning, Raito walked forward, body invading L's personal bubble. The insomniac stopped his frivolous searching to turn slightly, eyes narrowed.

"Why won't you let me in?"

L's eyes widened and he turned fully, mouth opened slightly as if to speak. Raito leaned forward, trapping the detective between himself and the counter. L then frowned, eyebrows furrowing as he brought his thumbnail to his lips.

"Stockholm syndrome."

Raito could _feel_ his brain stalling, "What?"

"You are suffering from Stockholm syndrome, Raito-kun," explained L, his eyes taking on a frantic appearance. "This explains your feelings and sudden behaviour changes. You aren't expressing true emotions towards me; your mind is suffering from a disease." The more L talked, the more it seemed he believed his own thesis. Raito stayed silent, "So, if I leave you alone, without the chain hindering you and –"

Raito cut off the detective, placing a delicate hand over his lips, "Ryuuzaki, you realize how ridiculous you sound, correct?"

The investigator batted his hand away, "It explains _everything_."

Raito sighed, "It explains nothing."

L pushed at him, seemingly ignoring Raito's statements, "So, we shall confine you –" "Ryuuzaki, we've done that already." " – and you will become better. And there will be no more hindrances and the investigation can proceed smoothly and –"

Again, Raito clapped his hand over L's mouth, eyes narrowing, "Now you're making me angry. What is so repulsive about loving me?"

L's eyes seemed to grow impossibly wide and his hands came up to grip Raito's shirt. His eyes flicked to the sides, and Raito dropped his hand. Finally he seemed to regain his composure and lifted his ebony orbs to meet Raito's unyielding gaze.

"Nothing is wrong with love, Raito-kun. However, I have been raised with the belief that love does not exist for everyone. And I seem to fall into that category. Regardless of what you think you feel, it is in fact false. You have Amane-san, I have...well, I do not have anyone, but I am all right with that. So long as I keep in mind that I do not need love, then love will not hinder my abilities to do my career." L looked away, his hands absently clenching Raito's shirt tighter. "You need not worry about me, Raito-kun. I am fine this way; I have been for most of my life. There is no need to pity me, or fake such emotion. I will understand."

L pushed at him harder, one fist connecting with his shoulder. Raito was forced to take a step back, and L was by him in a flash, rushing towards the bedroom. Raito followed after him, eyes narrowed. He caught up to L in the living room, grabbing the other's shoulder and spinning him.

"Why are you bent on this fake emotion theory? What is so wrong about love?" snarled Raito.

"Love is false. It is simply an illusion created during lust in order to justify actions done to preserve the species. Love is nonexistent in my world, so therefore you shouldn't bother yourself with trying to understand my beliefs. I am returning to the investigation, now. Please, get some rest," L made his way to the door, has hands wringing together. Raito caught him before he placed his hand on the handle, spinning him once more.

Raito felt something inside him snap when he stared into those lifeless eyes, and he lifted L's chin with a finger, "Bullshit."

And Raito dropped his lips to L's. The detective inhaled in shock and for a few moments, he struggled against Raito's lips, obviously trying to reinforce what he had stated before. But it was of no use. Eventually, he melted against the other youth, hands fisted tightly in Raito's shirt and eyes scrunched closed. Raito pulled away as the kiss deepened into something more, ignoring the way L's eyes pleaded for him to lean down once again.

"What you were taught when you were younger was wrong," started Raito, eyes burrowing into Ryuuzaki's, "Love – well, I'm not entirely sure what love is. But it seems impossible that not everyone can find love, and you are genius enough to realize this."

This seemed to bring L back to himself. He pushed against Raito, but there was no strength in his movements. He seemed to have given up, eyes half lidded and worry etched upon his features.

"I _can't _love," L whispered, before seemingly regaining his strength and shouldering Raito out of the way. He seemed at a loss as to where to go, his previous destination forgotten. Raito grit his teeth and stalked after the detective, reaching out to grab him once again.

"If you touch me, I will be forced to restrain you," stated L, his voice back to being bland and monotone.

Raito ignored the warning and grabbed L's collar, dragging him back against him. L whirled and landed a punch on Raito's cheek, watching him with hooded eyes as the teen recoiled in shock. Rage burst forth and Raito retaliated, hitting the other with a sharp jab to the stomach before striking him across the face. L ducked, causing Raito to lose his balance and the insomniac shot out a foot, taking out Raito's legs and causing the brunette to fall onto the coffee table, back hitting painfully against the edge. L stood and nodded in finality as he turned to walk away.

Raito, however, had other plans. He struggled to his feet and tackled the detective just as L turned to say something. They fell to the floor and Raito pinned L's hands above his head as he stared down at the struggling man. L fought viciously, managing only once to knee Raito in the stomach. After that, Raito sat on his thighs, holding him down as they both caught their breath.

"You are so infuriating!" snarled Raito, the words spilling from his lips, "You can't accept anything I say, but the minute I kiss you, it's as if you're emotions are let free. Do you not understand what you are putting me through, Ryuuzaki? Every time you touch me, kiss me, even anger me, I can't help but feel you have no clue what you're doing. You may be a genius, but when it comes to human relationships, you're at a loss aren't you?"

L said nothing, just glanced away from the smouldering eyes of the brunette above him. Raito allowed a sigh of agitation to escape his lips, "Ryuuzaki, what you're doing to me; you're basically asking for something more in our relationship. Friends don't – they just don't kiss each other, or touch each other with such intimacy as you have been doing. It pains me to say this, but if everything you have done, every kiss, touch and signal, has been done solely because you thought it was friendship, I will leave you alone. But please, stop torturing me. I cannot take it anymore."

Raito hung his head, keeping his eyes from meeting the one beneath him. Slowly, he released L's wrists, and placed his hands carefully beside the insomniac's head, dreading the answer that L was going to give him. He had just bared his soul, ignoring the rationality of his mind and going, once more, with instinct. But it was better to know L's true feelings instead of worrying over when he was going to get his next kiss.

He sighed when L gave no answer, or even a motion of answering, and sat up, hands running repeatedly through his mahogany locks before he stood.

"I understand."

Raito pivoted and wandered towards the bedroom, his chest constricting painfully and an unfamiliar sensation starting behind his eyes. He ignored the soft noise that seemed to emit from L, and closed the door behind him, turning the lock and allowing himself to slide down the door. The agony in his chest grew and he clutched at it absently as moisture gathered in his eyes. He grunted before wiping his hand over his lids and put his forehead on his knees, tugging furiously on his hair. It wasn't fair.

Oddly enough, Raito felt more burdened than before, as if his confession weighed him down instead of lightening him. He wanted to just crawl into bed and sleep, but he knew that hope was farfetched. There was no way in hell he was going to manage to sleep with L beside him. Perhaps L wouldn't even come to bed tonight; maybe the insomniac would stay out in the living room and return to being stoic and unfeeling.

"Fuck," hissed Raito, banging his head softly against the door before standing. He wandered over to the bed and flopped down on it, burrowing his face into the soft pillow.

He officially gave up. There was no need to keep pushing L to return his feelings. It was silly now that he thought about it. He was acting like the love struck teenage girls in his school, cooing over him as he walked by and trying to make him notice their advances. Suddenly, he despised himself. Of course L wouldn't return his feelings. Raito had done nothing but cajole him into doing everything.

But it still hurt. Raito wrapped his arms around his pillow and closed his eyes. Feigning sleep was always a choice. If L entered the room, he could pretend and once the insomniac was asleep, he could sneak out.

He didn't realize how 'foolproof' his plan was until darkness overtook him and he spiralled into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

A pattering noise caused Raito to stumble out of sleep. His eyes opened blearily and he struggled between the waking and dreaming worlds. Finally, his senses seemed to reboot and he fought his way out of the blankets before scanning his surroundings. The room was completely dark; he must've dozed off after his confrontation with L. Amazingly enough, he was alone. The door was still closed, and there was no familiar body lying under the copious amounts of blankets and pillows that lay strewn across the bed.

A flash of lightning illuminated the room for a short span of time, revealing a small tray with food atop it. Raito frowned and stood, wandering over to the dish and staring down. L had obviously entered the room, or else there wouldn't be anything there. Struggling to figure out the insomniac's angle, he watched the temperamental sky wreck havoc upon the world. Another flash of lightning, followed by a clap of thunder caused Raito to move towards the door. Carefully unlocking it – L must've relocked the door after delivering his meal – Raito snuck out.

The room was dark; no familiar blue hue shrouded the chairs and wall in an eerie glow. Raito wandered deeper into the room, eyes easily adjusting to the bare lighting. He noted a shadow pacing in the corner, oblivious to him thus far. A flash of lightning illuminated the unsettled insomniac, and Raito melted back against the wall, watching his detective tread his way through the floor.

Finally, after a few minutes, Ryuuzaki seemed to stop and turned towards the window, thrusting out an arm and connecting with the glistening glass. Raito took a step forward as a harsh cry emitted from the raven haired youth, but he stalled in his motions when L struck the window once more.

Barely audible, Raito heard L hiss, "God _damnit_."

He then pivoted and continued his trek, still completely ignorant of the brunette who was progressively moving closer to him. Raito allowed a gentle sigh to escape his lips, but it was noise enough for the investigator to freeze and whirl. His face was oddly dark and foreboding and Raito could make out the distinct trails of tear tracks on L's cheeks.

"Ryuuzaki?"

L seemed to shudder and turned away, bringing up an arm as if to drag his hand down his face, instead of destroying the tear markings upon his cheeks. Raito waited patiently for the detective to gather himself and turn back to him, completely in control once again.

"I thought you were sleeping, Raito-kun," murmured L, stepping forward.

Raito watched his approach with suspicious eyes, "I was. The rain woke me. Pillows aren't exactly ear plugs."

L scoffed before stopping not three steps away from Raito. He was fidgeting with his shirt, seemingly trying to figure out something to say. His mouth opened and closed multiple times before he finally gave up and contented himself with staring blankly at Raito's socked feet.

"Is something wrong, Ryuuzaki?" inquired Raito, taking a small step forward, slowly closing the gap between them.

L shook his head furiously, "Of course not. I was just...pondering." His thumb came up to his lip and he stared mulishly at the floor.

Raito looked bemused, "Pondering."

"Yes. Is something wrong with that?" L bristled, anger cloaking his face. Raito cocked his head to the side; his previous talk with the insomniac had obviously damaged the barriers L kept in firm control. He was allowing his emotions to run rampant across his face, and even going as far as shouting. Raito had seemingly gotten to him.

L sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Do not worry yourself with my person, Raito-kun. I will figure everything out eventually."

"And this is the point where I stop believing you," started Raito, finally closing the space between them, "This is also what I was talking about earlier; you never let anyone in to _help_. Ryuuzaki, I don't understand why you are being so obstinate about all this. Just...stop being logical and go with your instincts."

L sighed and looked away, shaking his head softly, "It is not that simple, Raito-k –"

"Of course it's that simple!" Raito cut him off, throwing up his hands. L flinched away from him but Raito ignored him. He wanted to rant, badly, "Every time I'm near you, I seem to forgo logic and attack with instinct. And look what it's gotten me," Raito allowed a harsh bark of laughter to escape him, "We no longer stay up obscenely late just to find information that isn't there; we no longer fight over when I wish to go to bed – you allow me simply to fall asleep. Something is wrong here, Ryuuzaki. And damn it, I'm going to figure out what."

L was staring at him during his rant, and lifted up a hand as if to touch the other youth. Instead, he brought his hand back to him, cradling it against his chest, "I..."

L took a deep breath and stared directly into Raito's eyes, "I cannot love you because _you_ are Kira."

Raito's world crashed down around him.

* * *

Raito wandered downstairs, following the insomniac silently. His features were haggard and his eyes were bloodshot. His father strode to his side at the sight of him, and he was thoroughly examined by Watari at his father's whims. Raito grinned and bore it, only because he knew the diagnoses already and wouldn't mind a completely falsified one to focus on.

The day progressed simple enough; Raito was forced to call Misa to find out whether or not Matsuda was actually _inside_ the Yotsuba Company like he had stated not long ago when he called Watari. Misa had rushed to the scene and managed to save Matsuda, but not before they had to take many precautionary measures.

L had been furious, though it was one of those quiet furies that were hard to spot at first. Raito couldn't help his own outburst at Matsuda's obvious idiocy, and after they faked his death, Raito could feel lack of sleep catching up to him. He had actually communicated with L on the way back to the base, which was something he had _promised_ himself he wouldn't do. L had been polite enough, but there was a definite sadness in the way L spoke. Raito couldn't help noticing how L's eyes lingered on his lips, or how his hand constantly brushed against Raito's. Raito tried his hardest to ignore every movement, but he couldn't help want to change L's mind and show him that he wasn't Kira.

As the investigation progressed, it was getting arduous to keep Misa in the dark. They had to use her to save Matsuda, and she had just spent the entire day at the company, discussing possible shoot deals, and whatnot. Granted, the blonde had been quiet the last few weeks, so with her gone for an entire day, Raito didn't really feel any true difference. What bothered him, thought, was when he caught her whispering to L, asking what was wrong with her boyfriend.

L hadn't replied.

As they entered the building – everyone else had headed home after saving Matsuda – Raito felt mentally and physically exhausted. It was a huge feat to keep his barriers erected, to keep himself from just throwing himself at L and demanding the older man pay attention to him. Of course, this was seen as immature and extremely childish so Raito managed to cage his inner idiot and resorted to simple fantasy.

Yes, Raito was extremely fatigued.

The elevator dinged open and Raito's feet moved of their own accord. Simple motor functions were becoming repetitive and no longer required Raito to expel copious amounts of energy to think about such mundane things. In fact, the investigation itself was slowly working its way to that stage in Raito's mind.

Raito leaned against the far wall of the elevator, briefly closing his eyes and willing his mind to shut down. Of course, it ignored him and played repeated segments of his and L's conversations and other smutty little snippets just to torment him. Banging his head gently against the metallic wall, he contemplated the easiest way to worm his way into a dark hole and never come out.

He blearily opened his eyes and stared blankly at the numbers illuminated cheerfully above the elevator door. The camera was dead; odd, because L had stated multiple times he was going to replace the broken machine. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw said investigator standing perfectly still, back slightly hunched, hair mussed in perfect disarray, eyes forward and ignoring him for the most part. Suddenly, Raito blinked. Was it just him or was that mop of onyx hair moving steadily closer to him? His eyes snapped fully open as warm arms wrapped around his chest, squeezing tightly. The silky locks of ebony hair nestled just beneath his chin and Raito felt his breath leave his lungs.

Okay, so he had passed out in the elevator and was playing out one of his numerous fantasies. That wasn't so bad.

Except when Raito bit through his lip, pain blossomed and caused him to smack his head sharply against the metal wall. That was when he realized it wasn't a dream; no, L was actually _hugging_ him, fitting his body perfectly against Raito's. Raito quickly summoned all his courage; every conversation he had worked tirelessly on in order to shut L down at this _exact_ moment.

But nothing was forthcoming. No, instead his wonderfully active mind was shutting down all coherent thought and putting itself on autopilot. That was the only reasoning Raito could come up with when his arms moved of their own accord and wrapped delicately around the spindly investigator; when his nose buried itself into the soft hair tickling his cheek. He simply hung on, relishing in the feel of L against him, wondering how long it would take for the detective's mind to reboot and push him away.

The elevator dinged quietly, signalling their floor. Raito stiffened as he felt L move backwards and quickly released him, eyes downcast and slowly flooding with familiar numbness. L, however, tightened his grip and brushed his face across Raito's neck.

"I don't know how to change everything between us to make sense again, Raito-kun. And I know that everything I do is making you nervous. However, I am simply doing what is instinctual. And..."

Raito cut him off, dropping his lips to meet L's. He couldn't understand why his anger seemed to wash away the minute they connected; everything blurred into one simple thought, one that Raito almost pulled away to weep over.

_If only_.

Raito pushed L backwards, colliding their bodies against the side of the elevator. It made another ding, as if to warn them it was closing the doors to their only escape. Raito didn't care as he deepened the kiss, one forearm pressed into the wall beside L's head as his other arm wrapped possessively around the detective's waist. He knew something was wrong; his mind wasn't rationalizing his sudden desire to ravage L, nor was it making any background noise of congratulations. But those thoughts were wiped away as L wound his hands into Raito's hair, tugging fervently on the strands to pull Raito closer and deeper into the whirlpool he had created.

It didn't matter anymore to Raito. If he was truly Kira and had somehow suppressed the memories, he could die happy knowing L desired him just as much. It was enough for him that at this moment L wasn't pushing him away and screaming about his idiotic love theories. It was just the two of them, trapped in their own flurry of happiness and fulfillment.

He felt the elevator shift and knew they were moving once again, but it was a distant thought. He slanted his mouth and carefully touched his tongue to L's closed lips, mentally crowing in delight as the detective obliged him willingly. There was a battle for dominance, both trying to gain the upper hand, and Raito couldn't help but push L farther into the wall when he finally obtained his prize. He plundered L's sensational mouth, his mind one tracked, and allowed the hand fumbling with the hem of L's shirt to move beneath it and run his fingers over the pale skin. A delighted shiver overtook the detective and Raito grinned into the kiss before pulling away for a short breath.

The sight that greeted him when he briefly opened his eyes would be forever burned into his mind. A pink tinge was spread delicately across L's cheeks; his pupils were slightly dilated. His lips were bruised and parted, breath coming in short pants. The fingers of one hand were intertwined with Raito's – Raito didn't remember their hands connecting – and was held just slightly above his head. It was, overall, an extremely sexy image.

Raito barely had time to reprocess that thought before L tugged him back down, claiming his lips in a feverish kiss. Raito responded in kind, trying to quickly take over as he allowed his hand to brush L's side in a gentle caress that provided Raito the one pleasure he had been looking for since the beginning of their kiss.

A soft moan sounded from the back of the L's throat.

The elevator dinged, and Raito had a sudden feeling that he was being watched. He pulled back, drawing L's bottom lip with him before letting go and turning his head slightly. A camera blinked brilliantly at him in the corner, glowing silver eye catching every moment. Raito reached over and pressed their floor button, a smirk lighting his features as the doors closed once more.

L seemed unfazed by their sudden stop and tugged at Raito's hair, before slipping one hand into the back collar of his shirt, fingers splayed over tanned skin. Raito cocked an eyebrow before pressing a soft kiss to L's lips.

The elevator continued to move upwards, and with it the heat in the elevator began to climb. Raito couldn't get enough of L's lips, constantly moving back to ravage the soft petals before kissing his cheeks, eyelids, nose and forehead. He grew bold enough to trail butterfly kisses down L's neck, finding one spot that caused his detective to make that delightful throaty groan and loll his head to the side.

The elevator made another stop, and Raito turned, L trapped firmly in his arms, and stumbled out of the metal death trap. He had always hated elevators; they had this odd defect that allowed them to pass judgement on the brunette. And there was no way in hell he was going to allow that blasphemous machine to turn traitorous and punish him for something both L and he were thoroughly enjoying.

They missed their door, and L arched his back when he hit the wooden framing, breaking away from the brunette with a hiss of agony. Raito quickly corrected the mistake, nipping at L's pale throat, gaining a pleasured sigh to replace the one of pain. He made his way up, kissing softly at the place behind L's ear before whispering, "Are you sure?"

There was a strained silence between them, and Raito began to pull away. No matter how painful the sudden rejection felt, no matter how much he wanted to just go ahead with it, he would put L's feelings before his own. Always for L.

"I always am," L whispered before launching himself forward, attacking Raito's lips with his own, slipping his tongue through his surprised lips to dance along his teeth. He trailed his tongue along the roof of Raito's mouth, causing the brunette to let out a small groan, pushing back into their embrace, trapping L tightly between himself and the wall. His hands slipped fully under L's shirt, sliding along the warm flesh beneath, trailing his fingers delicately over every rib. L broke away from him to suck in gulps of air, breathy moans escaping his parted lips. Raito couldn't help the feeling of possessiveness that overtook him and he found that sweet spot on L's neck, marking the detective as his.

It was getting much harder for Raito to ignore the instinctual need to move, to do something to release the tension in his lower body. Sure, kissing and marking L his was wonderful of its own, but he needed something more. And he could feel that L needed it as well.

Shifting both hands away from L's stomach, he ignored the hiss of despair that escaped L's bruised lips. His fingers danced along the hem of L's pants before moving to his backside and lifting him, stumbling forward when L attacked his neck with suckling nips. The detective's legs wound deftly around Raito's waist and the brunette focused on the extremely arduous task of finding the door and forcing it open.

Once said task was accomplished – not without difficulty from an impatient L and his desire to make Raito lose any coherent thought he had retained – there was the new undertaking of getting them both towards the bedroom. Raito quickly decided that the couch would have to suffice.

And as the door closed softly behind them, the two minds within its sanctioned space shattered.

* * *

Raito yawned tiredly and rubbed at his eyes, shooting a glance at a blushing detective before turning back to his computer. His father wandered over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and inquiring whether or not Raito was getting his much deserved sleep. Raito couldn't help the bemused smirk to spread across his lips, once more sparing a look at the one who had kept him up all night.

When they had come downstairs after another night alone, everyone had made a big deal about L's neck; a deep bruise had been embedded upon the flesh where his throat met his shoulder. L had blushingly stated that Raito and himself had gotten into a fight of sorts, and the brunette had managed to hit him quite sharply on the neck. This satisfied most of the team; Misa, however, had stared at him with narrowed eyes before turning back to her task.

The day had progressed quietly. Raito continued to spare the detective glances, and L would randomly stop his typing to smile softly at the computer screen. All in all, it was a monotonous day.

Misa suddenly burst through the door, a giggle emitting from her lips, and a bounce in her step. The team turned to stare at her, some with their heads cocked to the side. She jumped forward and to a halt in front of Raito, hands outstretched and a brilliant smile adorning her lips. Raito watched her, slightly confused, until he saw her hold up her red cell phone, and a voice echoed from within.

"_I'm Kira. So in order to make you believe me, I'll stop judging criminals_. _And once you realize that I am Kira, we're getting married!_"

Raito stared in shock, along with the rest of the team. Misa giggled once more, her head cocking to the side cutely as she stated, "So, as you all can hear, Higuchi is Kira!"

Matsuda jumped forward, a grin on his face, looking as if he wanted to tackle Misa to the ground and shower her with overwhelming gifts. Raito merely felt sick. The quiet atmosphere was shattered; they were even closer to capturing Kira, and after that...

Raito had a sudden urge to throw up.

L didn't look too happy. His lips were down turned, and his eyes were slightly narrowed. He quickly summoned the team over, explaining how they would capture Higuchi as well as see how he kills. Everything spiralled out of control for Raito; L would no longer be his if Higuchi was caught. L would fade away from him, and he would return to being numb.

But all of those thoughts were pushed away and Raito forced himself to join in the planning of cornering Higuchi. After all, he entered this investigation to catch Kira, and that was it. He didn't have _time_ to be distracted.

But why did that thought hurt his heart so much?

* * *

Raito hurried alongside L, jumping into the helicopter without hesitation. Watari signalled that it was all right to take off and L pulled back on the controls, sending the helicopter into motion. Raito watched from the sky, spotting the fleeing sports car with ease. It quickly careened out of control when it came across the barricade, and Raito pointed down, making sure L hovered just over the scene, out of sight of the man's eyes. They had found out quite quickly that this Kira had the same power as the second Kira – the ability to kill without a name.

The one within the car – Higuchi – stepped on the gas, hoping to break through a small space that the helicopter was barely covering. Watari hefted his gun, aiming precisely and taking out the front tire on Higuchi's Porsche. Higuchi, obviously terrified of being caught, lifted the pistol he had used to shoot Raito's father, intent on killing himself. Watari once more easily aimed and shot the gun from the third Kira's hands. He then told L it was a safe to land. As the copter came closer to the ground, Raito had a sudden foreboding. He felt that this might just be the last time he saw L, and as Watari jumped out of the copter, Raito quickly leaned over and captured L's lips in a delicate kiss. He pushed all his feelings into that kiss – his apprehension, his love, his desire to be with L forever; everything was captured in this last embrace.

L returned the kiss tentatively and wrapped one arm around his neck, pulling him closer. Raito wanted nothing more than to forget about Higuchi and the one hundred percent possibility that he was Kira, and carry L back to headquarters. He wanted to simply forget everything, and run away, as fast and far as he could, like he should've done not too long ago. The impulse was so strong that when Raito broke away from the kiss, he was already contemplating escape routes.

"Raito-kun?" inquired L, running a delicate hand down his cheek, brushing his thumb over his eyelids in wonderment. "What brought this on?"

Raito shook his head and buried his face in L's neck, holding back the urge to cry. He didn't want to let go, didn't want to pull away and find out that this was all a phantasmal experience. But he knew it wouldn't last and pulled away, placing one last peck on L's lips before sitting up straight to watch the proceedings.

Higuchi was pulled from the car, blindfolded and bound. He was then given a headset, in which L could ask his questions. After finding out that a Notebook was the killing tool, L told the Chief to check out the car.

Raito's father suddenly fell backwards and out of the car, a scream tearing from his lips. He was pointing at the air, his mouth slack as he quivered in obvious fear. Both Raito and L leaned forward, perplexed, and as Mogi went to ask him if he was all right, he too fell to the ground with a scream. There was a prolonged silence and finally L asked for the Notebook to be brought to him. L carefully took the book from Mogi, holding it delicately before turning his eyes to the scene. His expression clearly indicated that he, too, could see this horrific monster.

Raito stared at him, then, quickly demanded, "Ryuuzaki, give me the notebook!"

The moment his hands grasped the chilled exterior, the moment his eyes lit upon the scrawled words of 'Death Note', Raito snapped. Whatever had been hidden within his memory came rushing forth, like a never ending stream. He saw death in his memories; a hand floating over paper as it jotted down the names of criminals. There was a voice, urging him on, tossing him into the back when he failed to do as commanded. He stared straight ahead and then was screaming, tossing his head to the side, trying to get rid of the horrific memories, trying to make them go away!

His throat began to hurt as one last memory slid into focus, one of a chilled morning as he sat upon a chair in a crowded room. Someone sat beside him, ebony locks thrown in disarray atop his head, grey eyes burrowing into his when he glanced over. Anger and an overwhelming desire to kill choked him.

_I am L_.

Raito quivered as the final slew of his memories came to a halt. Panting hard, he realized something was definitely wrong with him.

And that was when he heard it.

_"It's good to be home, Raito-kun. How I've _missed_ you."_

No...no, this wasn't happening. He was having another dream; that was all. That voice – it was so familiar! Why would it be here, in his mind? What was going on?

_"Silly pet. I've come home, of course. Why, did you think I was truly gone?" _the voice laughed, before continuing its cooing, sliding Raito further back into the darkness. "_I'll never leave until L is dead, Raito-kun. Because he is my enemy; our enemy. Because we are –" _

Raito opened his mouth in a silent scream.

"_– Kira._"

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**A/N:** Wow. I...wow. I just realized how wonderfully easy this chapter was to write. And that makes me feel all tingly inside! I also wrote my first smut scene. That was a task and a half. It's angsty and the song I was listening to whilst writing it was anything but. Download the Hoobastank song and the Bloodhound Gang song and re-read that scene. It makes no sense how I wrote so much angst into that little snippet from those two song!

**EDIT: **So, I just realized something when I updated my next chapter. A lot of people that reviewed for my Author's note can't review for the chapter and I don't know what to doooo. This is really freaking me out. I thought all the reviews for the author's note would either be moved or disappear. But that didn't happen! So, if you wish to review, just make it an anon and sign your name. I am sooo sorry!

Righty! So, that's all I have to say! Thank you all for being so patient and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! **REVIEW**! Adios!

Oh! I just remembered. My friend and I were talking and she noticed that **Yagami** spelt backwards is an interesting phrase. Have fun with that ((wink)).


	11. Stalemate

**A/N: **I live! Ah, it's good to return. Not that I am 100 here; I just had to finish writing this chapter. It was chewing at me. So, finally, it is finished. Yay me!

A few notes before we commence with the wonder that is Chapter 11:

**1)** I need you all to return to my profile before reading this chapter and read **Inevitably Yours, Damnit!** as it is written by my wonderful friend and Beta, **Dancing**. You must give her love. Lots of love, yes (in form of reviews), because she will be helping co-write something with me ((nod nod)).

**2)** I hate Fanfiction's new Documents system. It is annoying, it is silly, and I can't make anything god damn work! It's like trying to find my way around the new **DA **(DeviantArt). It's irritating, and takes too much work. I am naturally lazy, so it makes it all the more infuriating. And. It. Will. Not. Underline. Bold. Things! What the hell? Blergh.

**3)** After this chapter, there will be a poll in my profile. All of you must vote, as I would love to see if you guys can guess my train of thought! Yes, yes.

So, now that I am done ranting (well, not really, but that's what Journals are for) you can finally dive into the latest chapter. I apologize in advance if it seems choppy. I keep reading it and it doesn't seem so to me. Gods, I'm tired.

I was listening to **This Time Imperfect - AFI** and **Stay with Me - Danity Kane.**

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**Chapter 11  
Stalemate  
**

The screaming stopped, the memories slowly turned sluggish and Raito felt his head fall forward. So heavy; his head felt so heavy. Blinking, he allowed his mind to reboot, to sift through the memories and situate them in their proper place. Kira was slowly being filtered back into his system and his head came up. He was in a helicopter. Higuchi knelt just outside, blindfolded and cuffed. L was by his side.

_L_.

A painful surge of _something_ flooded his mind and Raito winced, trying to deduce the cause. Shaking his head slowly, he waited for the pain to subside, but that small portion of his mind seemed to cry out at losing that something. Raito ignored it as he easily fitted back into his usual demeanour. Kira was back.

"Are you all right, Raito-kun?" inquired L softly, bringing Raito away from his sudden memory surge. Wrapping shaking hands about the Death Note, he allowed a smirk to dance along his lips. L continued when Raito didn't answer, "Anyone would be frightened after witnessing such a monster."

Raito raised an eyebrow, giving Rem a cursory glance as he flipped open his laptop, the Death Note still in his grasp, "We should probably check the names in this notebook against the victims."

L frowned, thumb coming up to dance along this lip. Raito glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, a smirk decorating his features. He had won. He had won this imprudent game and would soon be rid of the troublesome detective. It was almost too good to be true.

However, there was a niggling in the back of his mind, something that told him this was wrong, that remembering his existence as a killer would in turn get him killed. He frowned as a memory came forth, fuzzy around the edges. He stiffened when he remembered the words he had whispered on that night, and the feelings that had surged through him as he brought both the detective and himself to completion.

A shudder rippled through him. No, he was Kira. He did not love L. It was as simple as that.

Nodding in finality, he looked up when he heard Higuchi's voice, this time all thoughts of love and the nights of passion were suddenly wiped from his mind. Higuchi was being dragged past the helicopter, and a maniacal grin decorated his features. Oh, this was too easy!

He pressed the small button on his watch, revealing a minute piece of the Death Note. He pricked his finger with the small pin and wrote down Higuchi's name, barely concealing his desire to laugh. However, as the seconds ticked down, Raito couldn't help feel that these were the longest forty seconds in his life.

But when Higuchi went down, his mask went back up, feigning shock and anger. L shouted out orders, and the police ran about like chickens with their heads cut off. Raito grinned and threw out his own orders as he chuckled inside.

After the initial shock had worn off and the police got their act together, L grudgingly lifted the helicopter into the air, his teeth finding his bottom lip as he chewed. Raito wondered vaguely what had attracted him to such a man, and realized it was simply the act of the chain, his hormonal urges, and L's brain. If Misa had the same mind as L – no, even then he would never enjoy sleeping with her.

The entire way back, Raito could feel the detective's eyes on him, the flickering concern dancing across those obsidian orbs. Raito looked straight ahead, the mask perfectly in place, feigning perfect before-Kira emotions. He scoffed when

They landed the copter and proceeded back to the downstairs. The elevator ride was silent, and Raito sighed when L shuffled slightly closer to him. The killer simply touched L's hand in an effort to show he was still the same. They stepped off the elevator and L snatched up the Death Note from Raito, holding it delicately before sitting in his chair. Raito followed suit; of course he did, he was still chained to the idiot. How could the detective not notice that his lover had been replaced by a killer? The sheer amusement of the situation made Raito want to giggle with glee. But killers didn't giggle.

The Shinigami, Rem, stood just off to his right, staring blankly ahead, eyes trailing over the cameras. Matsuda touched the notebook and let out a girlish gasp – Raito despised the fool with such a passion. The idiot didn't deserve to be _called_ a _detective_. He couldn't even tell that Raito was no longer truly Raito. But, neither could that insufferable detective, though Raito would give L much more credit than Matsuda any day. Raito sighed and leaned forward as L began explaining the rules he found in Ryuk's writing.

The thirteen day part confused the lot of them and Matsuda once more proved his idiocy. He, of course, pointed out that both Misa and Raito could not be the killers and L despondently agreed. However, he quickly made up his mind that he himself would kill someone off and see if he would die in thirteen days. Raito sighed and twirled his pencil, throwing in his own two cents when asked.

The team eventually trickled out the door, leaving Raito and L alone (the Shinigami had disappeared quite suddenly). Raito frowned as he thought about the elusive creature. Rem was a liability. He had to get rid of her, whilst also ridding himself of L. Maybe he would even throw Watari into the mixture. God only knew – he stifled a laugh – that the old man was the crutch that kept L stable. And Raito wanted to watch the detective suffer before taking his life.

The detective shuffled in his chair, toes touching each other as per usual. Raito stared blankly at him, giving him a cursory glance. He knew what would be expected of him tonight; they were alone in the building again. However, that didn't stop him from shuddering. He was Kira! To be degraded to such an insolent worm; and by his rival no less! It was a disgrace, an unneeded hindrance in Raito's eyes.

But there was that flickering of warmth that spread through his chest whenever he looked directly at the detective. He squashed it before it changed into something nasty, refusing to admit that cursed word. He was Kira! The phrase became a mantra and he chanted it relentlessly, even as his gaze was drawn to the detective once again.

The heat blossomed and Raito stood, needing to do something to take his mind off it. He rubbed absently at his chest as he paced, trying to ignore the ebony gaze suddenly fixated on his figure.

"Raito-kun, are you sure you are all right?" L inquired in his trademark whisper. Raito stopped his restless gait, turning to face the investigator. He couldn't fake love to Ryuuzaki without succumbing to that damned feeling in his chest. But, in order to keep his facade in place, he needed to show himself as the same love struck idiot as before.

So, he took to instinct and strode forward, hands grasping the chairs arms and leaned down. His lips hovered over the startled detective's before he whispered, "Never better."

The kiss was unlike anything before. There was a fine sheet of rage coating his emotions, and he fed on that instead of the insistent feeling in his chest. He pushed forward, trying to drown out the need to love. He wasn't a being that could do such a thing. He was Kira! He began the mantra anew, a soft moan escaping him as L finally pushed back.

A sudden rush of power filled Raito, causing him to gasp. He had power over L, a phenomenal amount of power over his rival. All because L loved him! It was so simple, so easy. He needn't worry about giving in to that hidden feeling; no, instead he would relish in the amount of power that swamped him when he took L. The idea made him want to smile, to laugh. He had found a loophole in his equation, and would no doubt exploit it to the full extent.

The kiss was suddenly broken, L pulling away with his pale hand still cupping Raito's cheek. His eyes closed and he breathed out before releasing Raito and curling in on himself, obsidian orbs opening to peer up at Raito with cold precision. Raito recoiled at the calculating stare before straightening, filtering hurt into his articulate mask. L stared at him, arms around his knees. One hand came up, and his thumb pushed at his top lip.

Raito stared back. However, as he looked into those deep, inky eyes, he saw something that chilled him. It wasn't Yagami Raito that looked back at him; no, it was the cold blooded eyes and face of a deranged killer, ready to deal the final blow to someone he cherished, desired, and loved. His hands twitched at his sides, begging to move up to his face, to press over the taunt flesh in reassurance. He knew he was Yagami Raito. He knew this. Yet…

L suddenly unfolded from the chair, pale feet dragging along the concrete as he stood to his full height. Eyes aligned with Raito's, he stepped forward, shoving ashen hands into denim pockets.

"I wonder, why are you so enraged, Raito-kun?" he whispered, lips brushing his ear.

Raito stepped back and eyed him warily, suddenly unsure. Ryuuzaki watched him with those oily eyes, reflecting the truth. Raito suddenly wanted nothing more than to gouge them out; they were judging him like never before, weighing and calculating! He could feel the paranoia crawling up his gut, spreading out like a delicate poison there was no cure for. He scratched absently at his watch, hearing its steady tick magnified in his ears.

_Stop staring at me!_

He had to get those eyes closed, away. Something was wrong with how they reflected his image, how they now saw him. He reached for the older male, hands clenching the thin shirt as he pulled him close.

"Why do _you_ think I'm enraged, Ryuuzaki?" he inquired. L blinked at him in confusion before Raito's lips claimed the detectives. It was angry, hateful; filled with every emotion Raito could no longer keep pushed back and away. Thoughts of Kira, of killing this man and everything he stood for were wiped away. L leaned forward, fingers digging into his scalp. They stumbled backwards, both vying for dominance, both with something to prove. The thin metal table bumped into L's thighs and Raito stared down at the image before him.

He remembered a similar scene, quite some time ago. The memory was that of porcelain skin; a delicate blush of rose across thin cheeks and parted lips, bruised and wanton. He shook his head, trying to dislodge the feelings of loving desire and an inaccessible need to claim something that was undeniably _not_ his.

L stared up at him, but the picture that had been conjured within his mind did not match this one. This L was not panting from pleasure, nor were his cheeks painted a pastel pink; his eyes were not dilated and his fingers were not entwined with Raito's. No, this L was staring up at him with a smouldering need that forwent love and asked for simple release. There was nothing left for Raito in the eyes of this L.

Perhaps there never would be.

* * *

The sound of rain thrummed steadily against the windowpane. Slivers of lightning coursed through the curtain to flicker and dance across two separate bodies. Raito woke with a start as thunder roared and shook the building. His eyes rolled to the clock L had allowed him. Just a bit after three. He cursed Nature for waking him at such an ungodly hour as he swung his body out from under the covers, bare feet touching the cool carpet.

There was a rustling behind him and Raito peered over his shoulder at the sleeping detective. Another flash illuminated the room. His eyes swept over tousled hair and creamy skin. His gaze lingered on the slightly open lips breathing air in and out evenly. He turned away from the tantalizing image, dropping his face into his hands.

Raito wanted to scream.

He was caught in the midst of a dilemma. He had two choices: a) kill L and continue to lead the world to a better tomorrow; and b) allow L to live and continue to lead the world to a better tomorrow. Either way he would continue upon his path of justice. He just wanted L to be by his side.

No! This was completely unlike him. He had never felt the need to cling to anyone, his family included. It seemed foolish that he would want such a complex creature by his side. Misa would be more suitable, surely. She would obey without question; she wouldn't mind pleasuring him in any way, and, if he truly desired it, he could just kill her off.

But L...

That damn detective! He had somehow managed to worm his way into Raito's mind, making him doubt his role, pushing him off the path of righteousness and leaving him at a crossroads. Raito glowered at the floor, his teeth bared behind his hand. It was unfair! This wasn't supposed to happen to a God!

He wasn't supposed to fall in love with anyone!

Raito dropped his hand, suddenly exhausted. It was too much for his mind to take, what with the resurgence of lost memories. So, he carefully lifted the blankets and stumbled to his feet, his head throbbing angrily. Making his way to the bathroom, he cast one last glance at the detective before closing the door.

He didn't bother with lights; he didn't want to see his reflection in the copious amount of mirrors. Instead, he slide down the door, fisting his hands in his hair. His head throbbed; he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Something was wrong.

Panting, he stumbled to his feet, shuffling towards the shower stall. After navigating his way past the wall, he sat down in the stall and turned the water on, gasping as the soft shards rained down upon him. The pain slowly began to ebb and Raito blinked open his eyes, allowing another gasp to escape his lips.

A sliver of memory wiggled its way to the front and he distinctly remembered another incident like this, just after he obtained the Death Note. Ryuk had been with him, laughing as he rolled in agony on the tiled bathroom floor. When asked what the fuck was going on, Ryuk had languidly told him that humans who came in possess of the Death Note suffered chronic headaches. Raito had managed to hold them off after he leaned this information (not without cursing Ryuk every chance he got) but with his sudden recovering of the Death Note, he would have to restart his fragile process.

This, atop his sudden realization of love, did not bode well. Raito screamed, loud and long, as he had been wanting to since the renewal of memories. And as his eyes closed, and the water rained down upon his head, he missed the sound of the bathroom door slowly clicking shut.

* * *

Raito carefully dressed, hiding the pain of his headache behind a well collaborated mask. Sighing, he ran a shaking hand through his hair before moving towards the bathroom door. A light from the outside made him suddenly wary, and when he opened it, he found the detective dressed and sitting by the window, knees drawn up to his chest. Raito moved to sit beside him, but L didn't shift, just bit his bottom lip.

"Ryuuzaki?"

The detective chanced a glance before fixating his gaze on the refracted lights of Tokyo. Raito moved slightly closer, reaching out to touch the investigator's shoulder.

"I wonder."

Raito simply cocked his head before dropping his hand and leaning back, "What is it you wonder?"

L's eyes glittered a deep obsidian as he chewed thoughtfully on his thumb. "People never truly change, isn't that correct?"

"Ryuuzaki, you're making no sense. Elaborate."

A ghost of a smile danced upon L's lips, "Elaborations are silly, Raito-kun. It is much more amusing for one to try and guess. So, please do."

"You want me to guess at what you are thinking, and possibly the justifications for people never changing," Raito raised an eyebrow before shaking his head, "Ryuuzaki, I am in no mood to play childish games."

The detective frowned, running a pale hand down the wet glass, eyes seeing past and through Mother Nature's tears. The lightning flared, illuminating the already pallid skin, and Raito was left comparing his detective to that of a corpse, one defeated and ready for burial. His mind quickly stalled on that image. It was no use thinking of Ryuuzaki as dead. Not yet.

"Raito-kun, I know something is amiss."

Raito froze. There was no way L could possibly ascertain that Raito was now Kira. It was impossible. He had calculated out every aspect of this bloody equation. There was simply no way.

"I don't understand what you mean, Ryuuzaki."

The detective didn't move; his lips twitched downwards before resuming their initial thin line. The glassy eyes reflected the light, calculating it, judging it, deducing and filing away all aspects of it. If those eyes moved to him, to Yagami Raito himself, what would L see? Would he see the same person he fell in love with? For that matter, what was love to L? What was it to Raito?

His headache was returning.

Raito carefully ran a hand through his hair, messaging his scalp along the way. L stayed silent, pale hand pressed lightly against the paned window, eyes unseeing. His lips moved soundlessly and when Raito finally found the courage to reach out and touch the ebony haired male, there was a sudden fragility to the way L jumped, to the way he looked at Raito, eyes shattered and lost, mask temporarily forgotten.

Raito felt something inside him break.

This man, this strangely manufactured human being, had captured a part of him and refused to let it go. Even with all his schemes, his well mapped out plans of retribution and judgement, he had failed to calculate every variable in his equation. He hadn't planned on growing attached, on feeling heart wrenching _**pain**_ at the idea of losing L, at losing the one person that seemed to both complement and destroy him.

He had lost the battle before it had even begun.

Everything he had worked towards, everything he planned on continuing was left up to a complex individual that had little to no idea of the effects he had on Raito. The equation was a jumbled mess of misplaced feelings and illicit conclusions. No longer did it make sense or amass to an inevitable end; no, instead it meshed together with tangles and barbs, each leading in separate directions, distorting the true meaning of what he had been trying to accomplish.

That bastard!

He had effectively destroyed everything that was Yagami Raito, turned it backwards, inside out, and upside down, before depositing the pieces like an impractical child. And Raito had allowed him. This was not simply a single job; it required two individuals, both practiced in the art of lies. Both required an unquenchable urge to destroy, mend, and twist, to shake and soothe, to fuck and love. The two of them together had caused this.

For as surely as Raito loved L, L equally (and with as much disdain) loved Raito.

Raito turned his gaze out the window, eyes slipping over the bleeding colours of Tokyo, over the simple way the lights seemed to meld into one and other, tangling together into simple renditions of two or more shades. Raito felt L shift beside him, and soon the detective was leaning against him, pale hand sliding across the wet glass. As soon as the lithe detective was pressed against his chest, he felt the connection, the way they seemed to meld together, like two pieces of a broken vase.

And as Raito wrapped his arms around his detective, his desire to kill him matched and warred against his desire to love him.

* * *

L unhooked the chain, and Raito watched it coil about the chair like a silver snake. He stared at it with naked hostility before meeting L's unwavering gaze.

His father moved forward, fixing L with a glare, "Raito is coming home with me tonight. He hasn't seen his family in four months."

Cocking his head to the side, L pushed his thumb towards his mouth, "He is free, Yagami-san. I have no more need of his presence."

Raito felt the blow, regardless of his well defined shields. He held L's gaze and noted the same calculating stare. His head gave a sharp pang but Raito didn't truly notice. After their encounter last night, and after Raito had come to his own conclusions on his feelings for the spidery insomniac, a headache was heaven compared to that nonsense.

His father touched his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts of L and the true meaning of their relationship. That portion still perplexed him. They hadn't yet reached a plane of safe ground, (Raito doubted they ever would) and it seemed inevitable that they clash, even if Raito was not Kira. Their personalities, coupled with their desire for perfection, would destroy any signs of a blossoming relationship.

Not to mention his father would kill him if he found out.

He met Misa at the door. The others watched silently as she tackled him, cooing nonsense about staying in touch. His father walked past him, stating that he would meet Raito in the car. Raito kept up the charade until everyone left, eyes gauging the distance of the surveillance cameras. After the others were out of earshot, and he was sure his lips couldn't be read from any angle, he began to tell Misa his plan.

"Misa, I need you to go somewhere, but you must make sure you are not followed and that you are alone. There is a small park, not far from my home. Go there. Within the midst of trees is a large stump. Stand there, face east and move towards the largest tree. Dig beneath it, and you will find something of use there. Understood?"

Misa tightened her grip before looking up, her eyes shining with adoration. Raito still could not believe his luck for finding such a wondrous pawn for his plans. And if worst came to worst, he could simply kill her off. Granted, that illicit Shinigami sitting within Headquarters may have a few words for him then. Sighing, he released Misa and walked with her down the steps, his hand resting in the small of her back.

As he neared his father's vehicle, he couldn't help but look back. His eyes were drawn to the eleventh floor, to the mirror like windows, and the pale figure standing at one of them, looking out. A pallid hand was resting upon the glass, and Raito could feel L's eyes on him. Regardless of the distance, Raito knew L was still calculating his chances of being Kira; weighing his options on whether or not he could put away his friend and his lover. It all depended on the evidence. But Raito wouldn't go quietly.

His father started up the car, and they drove in silence. Raito rubbed absently at his chest and his father inquired as to what they would eat tonight, it being Raito's first night home in nearly four months. He couldn't find it in him to care.

And as they parked in the driveway, Raito found himself encircling his wrist with his fingers, if only to battle the sudden separation from his counterpart.

Sayu attacked him at the door, immediately spouting nonsense of her school life. Neither his mother nor sister knew that his time was spent at the side of a crazed insomniac, bent on proving him guilty. His father touched his shoulder before walking by, leaving Raito to come up with his own lies as to what he had been up to the last few months.

Dinner was a busy affair, and Raito found himself missing the comforts of L's silence, and the way he would offer Raito cake at odd moments. Even when he looked down at the meal it seemed to lack its usual significance. Raito would eat vegetables just to spite the sugar craving detective.

His appetite was abruptly lost.

"Raito, why don't you go upstairs. Get some sleep. You have to go back tomorrow, remember," his father stated.

Raito nodded, leaving quickly. His steps seemed laboured as he climbed the stairs, missing the comforts of an elevator. He came upon his room; the plain white door almost acted as an omen. He opened the door carefully, breathing in the musty scent of his unused room. It still looked the same; save for the fact that the blinds were pulled shut, his computer had a thin layer of dust coating it, and his books and bed were completely untouched. He stepped around them, allowing himself to become comfortable once more. But even as he breathed in the familiar scent, it all seemed so...indifferent. There was nothing truly here that connected him with his ideals. His back hit the bed as he stared up at the ceiling, hoping to regain some form of familiarity. But even as his eyes trailed over the thin plaster, something seemed off. There was no recognizable blue hue drenching the room, nor was there the constant clacking noise of keys being hit. And, when Raito rolled over, he couldn't help but feel the loss of L's presence overall.

His feet hit the cool floor and he strode to his window.

He had never snuck out in his life, save for that time with L and his silly accusations. But as Raito climbed down the side of the house, as his feet pounded upon the hard cement sidewalk, he could only think of finding comfort in a familiar room, in a familiar bed, with a familiar detective.

The tower loomed above him as he continued his trek. The night was chilly; a blast of wind circled him before moving along. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, suddenly cursing himself for forgetting a light jacket, or something else to protect him from the harsh elements. It wasn't winter yet, but they were nearly in the midst of autumn.

Russet eyes grazed over light porches and high apartment buildings. He was mildly shocked to see children running about, dressed in an array of costumes. His mind calculated out the days and came to the sudden realization that it was Halloween. Ironic that he had been released on All Hallows Eve, the night of lies and deceit, of hiding behind false persona's in an attempt to fool all.

After what seemed like eternity, Raito stood in front of the very building he had fought to escape from. His feet carried him to the parking area, and he easily swiped his ID. Not caring if it allowed him entry or not (a simple blockade couldn't stop a person on foot) he wandered into the underground parkade and made a sharp left. As he came upon the entrance, he noted that the door was wide open.

Odd.

His footsteps rang heavily in the stagnant air within the parkade. He stopped before the doorway, peering in, gauging possible scenarios. Worse possibility: L knew he was Kira, and therefore was awaiting his return with S.W.A.T and other such tedious recruits. Other possibility: L knew Raito would return and simply left the door open for him.

As Raito stepped through, it happened to be the latter.

L was standing in front of him, back to him, eyes fixed upon the monitors. Every single one showed Raito at different angles. Raito stepped forward, ignoring the chill that shivered down his spine at seeing himself portrayed upon so many television screens.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Welcome back, Yagami-kun."

Not good. L never used his last name unless hiding their affections, or simply because he was distraught. Again, the latter seemed to be the case.

L finally turned to face him, eyes glassy orbs reflecting Raito's form. He cocked his head to the side, digging his fists deeper into denim pockets, "What brings about this swift return?"

So many different sentences, speeches, lectures, ran through Raito's head. But there were no words that escaped his parted lips. Instead, his feet carried him forward, until he was standing in front of the one person that made him give a shit.

And without thinking, he dropped his lips to L's and kissed him, softly, tenderly.

After the initial shock wore off, L returned the kiss tentatively. Raito pulled back before leaning his head against L's. Just for once he wanted to return to how it had been, regardless of his ideals and his desire for a new world. It all seemed so distant and lacking. He wanted to be Yagami Raito, and that was it.

"L," he said his name, the name he initially knew the detective by. Wariness returned to the insomniac's eyes, "Can I stay here tonight?"

The wariness disappeared, replaced by a gentle understanding, "Of course. Come."

As Raito followed L to the elevator, he suddenly remembered something, "Happy Birthday, L."

The irony of it all was that Raito knew this would be L's last.

* * *

**A/N**: I curse you Document system! Bkdshjgaiyr!! ((attacks with Death Note)). It will not underline anything that is bolded! It is a **bolding** hater! Gah! ((keeps trying to underline title))

((takes deep, calming breaths)) Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. The next one may or may not be the last, it depends on my mood and how long it ends up being. But, remember, you should all go to my profile and vote! And, if you didn't read **Inevitably Yours, Damnit!** do so, _now_. Because it is that wonderful.

Again, I am freakishly tired. I shall soon be cursing everything that is life. And god damn you stupid underline bold thingie. And curse you Fanfiction for making underlining bold things a chore. ...All right, I'm done.


	12. Checkmate

**A/N:** ((arrives carrying a cake)) Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy birday, **Abyssal Heart**, happy birthday to you!

So, now that I have my birthday greetings out of the way, I must apologize for not updating sooner. Granted, I had this planned already. I wanted to do something special for **Abyssal Heart**'s birthday, and so here is the chapter I am most proud of. Though the ending irked me a bit, but other than that, I hope you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: **All Death Note characters, scenes and whatnot are **not** mine. Same with the music/lyrics in this chapter!**

Poll results are in. Winner is: Option C (Raito instead choses death, dying to save L) with 26 votes. Blargh, wish it had been 25. The irony of that would've been awesome.

Music I was listening to...well, actually I was listening to so many songs it wasn't even funny. So, as commemoration for not telling you songs, every time there is a scene break, I will put in some lyrics from songs that I found were perfect for this chapter. And so we begin! ((wanders off singing Happy Birthday))

* * *

**Chapter 12  
Checkmate**

The sun streamed through the open windows, filtering through the dust caked air, dancing across the comforter that housed only one inhabitant. The door opened carefully, and in stepped Yagami Soichiro, worn eyes turning to that of his slumbering son. The dust danced along in front of his eyes, and he was drawn closer to the bed.

Staring down at Yagami Raito, the only son he had, the only one he had complete and utter faith in, Soichiro was perplexed. After they had obtained the Death Note, and Raito's name had been cleared, something had changed within the personality of his son. There was a certain disregard for safety; a reckless that had not been there before. And it worried him more than it should.

There was also his odd relationship with the head detective, L.

Soichiro was anything but dimwitted. He knew his son had snuck out last night; he had even followed him to headquarters, where he watched Raito enter the building without hesitation. His initial worries were stemmed when L had called him, stating that his son was safe, just a tad worried about L being alone in the building.

Again, Soichiro was anything but daft, yet it seemed as if his son thought him so.

He had witnessed the strange relationship that had developed between the two males, and at first he was fine, completely content with Raito finding a friend and social skills actually manifesting in the closed off L. But then something seemed to change. Raito developed deep gouges beneath his eyes; his hatred for anything sweet was replaced by a cold acceptance of the sugary substance; his mood was dependant on how much the detective talked to him during the day.

Soichiro feared Raito was becoming obsessed with the spidery insomniac.

Sighing, he walked over to the other side of the bed, halting when he saw one of Raito's shoes cast half heartedly beside the bed. His son was articulate, precise, and neat to a fault. There was no possible way he would carelessly toss his shoes. Further investigation showed his shirts in disarray within his drawer, his desk a clutter with miscellaneous objects and an intriguing notebook that had not been there before.

Strange, though everything else was thrown precariously about the room, that single notebook sat delicately amongst a disastrous array of notes (which Soichiro concluded was homework). Casting a glance back at his slumbering child, he moved away from the bed and carefully opened the non-descriptive book. There were no words; the pages were completely blank. He kept sifting through, hoping that something would appear by chance. Though...nothing.

Cocking his head to the side, Soichiro carefully closed the book, and turned back to wake his son. The notebook was tucked in the back of his mind as he stooped to shake Raito awake. There was a moment of dazed fright glazing Raito's eyes as he jolted awake, and Soichiro watched as his hand shot out to the side, as if to touch something. His fingers curled into the mattress, and a look of loss and confusion filtered onto the brunette's tired face. Almost immediately he seemed to realize where he was and quickly sat up.

"What is it, father?" he inquired in a sleep laced tone. Soichiro moved back, making room for his son as Raito slid his legs out from beneath the sheets. Soichiro glanced down at the jeans his son wore but chose to say nothing.

Raito, on the other hand, noted the worn clothing and a smirk danced along his lips that Soichiro watched form into a contented grin. Odd, he thought, gesturing for Raito to change, he hasn't shown even a remote sign of happiness since we returned from Headquarters.

"We're heading back to Headquarters?" inquired Raito, tugging on a clean shirt.

"Yes. Ryuuzaki wishes to talk to us about the notebook."

"Understood."

After finding food in the form of dry toast and bitter, black coffee, the duo wandered out to the car. It was while they were driving that Soichiro found himself noticing the way Raito continued to scratch at his neck, as if something were crawling just beneath the skin. Frowning, he voiced his concerns.

It was safe to say he was shocked as a dark blush swept across Raito's nose and cheeks, only to disappear just as quickly when he stated a simple, "Nothing."

The ride continued in silence, until they pulled up in front of the building. Soichiro stepped out, eyes gauging his son's reaction at returning. The brunette simply stood with one hand on the door, a soft smile tugging on his lips, russet gaze fixated on something just shy of the eleventh floor window. Soichiro sighed and walked ahead, deciding at the point that he was better off knowing.

Of course, not knowing was the best naivety of all.

* * *

_When did I lose my sense of purpose?  
Can I regain what's lost inside?  
Why do I feel like I deserve this?  
Why does my pain look like my pride?_

**No Roads Left**; _Linkin Park_

* * *

When Raito walked into Headquarters at quarter to two, he could feel that calculating gaze upon him almost immediately.

For some odd reason, ever since Raito had decided to sneak out and visit the detective every night, there had been something unnerving about that calculating stare. In the confines of their bedroom, it was replaced by raw lust and a need to rekindle whatever had been lost after viewing the Shinigami. Their movements had been transformed from cat and mouse to that of two dancers, lost in the beat of the music, bent on making the other bear their soul first. There was no real choreography to their steps; everything was impulse, a motion brought upon by their unyielding desire to watch the other crumble.

Raito refused to lose. But, as it happened, whatever Raito decided to do, L mirrored it, in both form and build.

The detective was once more standing in front of the multiple computer screens, but his back was not facing him. Instead, those eyes were fixated on Raito's, the oily film already melting away to show the true L, the one that had been created from Kira's anger and return. Stepping forward, the brunette reached for him, and l came willingly, pale fingers latching onto Raito's forearms, lips hovering just out of reach.

"Fourth night you have returned, Raito-kun," whispered the detective, pulling away slightly when Raito made a motion to capture his lips.

"Do you not want me here, Ryuuzaki?" inquired Raito, eyes flashing.

A ghost of a grin danced across L's lips, almost impossible to see if not for the fact that Raito was so used to L's mannerisms, "I am not Ryuuzaki when it is just us, Raito-kun."

"L," Raito smirked, finally managing to capture those pale lips.

Their dance was becoming more familiar, more instinctual. L's grip tightened, fingers digging into the hand muscles of Raito's arms. Raito moved them backwards until they hit the work table, bending L back, plundering his mouth when the detective let out a hiss of agony. There was so much pain in their relationship, so much rage and underlying hurt. They both wanted to feel it, to know it was real and not just another game.

Raito pulled away, long enough to glance up at the computer screens. One showed L's panting face, and the bare image Raito's features, hovering over the pale detective like a vampire.

He rather liked that image.

L wound his fingers into Raito's hair, sliding them through the thick locks, bringing his lips down once more. They fought, like they did as their original personas: Kira and L; God and Justice. The dance became more tangled as Raito slipped one hand under L's shirt, and the other grabbed hold of a jeaned knee, dragging the leg up as he moved forward.

"We shouldn't be _in here_," L gasped, breaking the kiss to suck in air. Raito grinned against L's pale throat, lips barely touching. He finally allowed his lips to touch, nipping harshly at the pale column.

"Why ever not?"

Another gasp, this time followed by a barely suppressed moan, "...The computer records everything. Watari knows I'm here, alone. _He will know_."

The questing hand that had slipped under L's shirt moved farther up, pushing the material aside. Raito pressed forward, hips connecting just barely with the detective's, lips still dancing up and down the pale column of throat laid out to bare for him. Listening intently for that little catch of breath, the signal he needed to know if they would continue here or make their way upstairs, Raito ground forward again.

"Do you really care?" Raito inquired, drawing himself up to place a chaste kiss on L's lips just as a wanton moan escaped the detective.

There was a pause, in which L's hands tightened reflexively as another movement from Raito caused him to gasp. But those obsidian eyes locked onto lust riddled russet and he whispered, "...Yes. Watari cannot know."

Raito continued to stare into those dark depths before nodding, and took his hand out from under L's shirt. But instead of stepping back, his other hand slipped under L's knee, drawing it up and hooking them both around his waist. The detective didn't protest, just leaned forward, head resting in the crook of Raito's neck as the brunette walked towards the elevator.

"Raito-kun, why do we do what we do?"

Raito glanced down, resting his cheek against the soft locks of L's hair. It was amazing how L could switch between a sex-driven male to that of a soft, unmasked child. Raito sighed and pressed the elevator button, eyes closing briefly, "I don't know."

He felt L picking at the buttons on his shirt, "You are Kira."

Raito showed no emotion; the lie was so easy that it felt like the truth sometimes, "No."

L nodded, "Yes. I am sleeping with Kira."

The elevator door opened and Raito stepped inside, pressing the dull eleven. The doors closed and he leaned back, hands hooked under L's bottom, "Why do you believe that?"

"Why wouldn't I? The truth may hurt sometimes, but it does not change it. Kira is you, and I am sleeping with you. Therefore, I am sleeping with Kira."

"L, that is nonsense. I am not Kira. It is easy as that."

L lifted his head, pressing his lips against Raito's ear, "Love is never easy, Raito-kun."

"Who says it is love?"

"You do not love me?"

Raito was silent.

"Odd. I thought two people, after spending a copious amount of time with each other, would eventually fall in love. Pardon my mistake."

Raito adjusted L, hefting him up higher. The detective didn't mind the jostling; on the contrary, he snuggled in closer, hands smoothing and ruffling Raito's collar. The doors opened and Raito walked out, still holding the detective close, mulling over his words but keeping his silence.

He opened the door, but didn't enter. L's one hand had stretched out, blocking their way in. Raito waited, knowing L had something more to say.

"I am sorry."

Raito cocked his head, not expecting such a proclamation from the unusually childish man, "What do you mean?"

"You once told me, not long ago, that you would speak words, words that show just how much you care about me. I obviously thought of something different than what you meant. I am apologizing for my misconception."

Raito sighed, pushing L's arm out of the way and entering the room. "L, those words were a delusion. You told me that love is false; just a simple means of justifying lust. Do you love me?"

"Yes." No hesitation.

Raito mulled this over. Once upon a time, he had thought he loved the detective, before he became Kira, before he regained all of his memories and hatred for this man. But now... no, beneath the cold hatred and need for absolution; beneath the hidden desire for a new world and an equal desire to watch his rival, his enemy, fall, there was love.

And so, he spoke the words he had vowed never to speak, feeling the truth dancing along every syllable, "I love you, too."

* * *

_Thoughts seem to stumble out of my mouth  
I can't seem to stop and talk to them  
Fear tries to pierce the armour of truth  
Hollow point sniper hyperbole_

_I can't seem_  
_To follow a pendulum_

**Hollow Point Sniper Hyperbole**; _USS_

* * *

That night Raito did not return home. And when morning came, he was awakened by his phone, belting out a merry little tune in the small hours of the morning. A slim arm curled itself about Raito's chest and he was immobilized as L brushed his lips on the underside of Raito's jaw.

"It's your father."

"I know."

"Why did you not leave last night?"

"Because I wanted to stay here; I wanted to spend an entire night with you instead of sneaking back to my room like a criminal."

"But you are Ki –"

"Please, L, don't."

Raito sat up, ignoring the pout on L's lips and leaned over the side of the bed, hand groping for his phone. After locating it, he sat himself up and flipped open the device. Holding it up to his ear, he was met with the angry shout of a worried chief and father.

"Dad, it's all right. I went to the task force Headquarters last night to talk Ryuuzaki through some theories. I'm here." A pause, followed by an agitated sigh. L was staring at him quizzically, crawling forward to distract the distraught brunette.

"Yes, father, I understand. Yes. Yes, I will get him." A sudden shiver rushed through Raito and he batted away L's hand, which was dancing along his chest in an attempt to divert his attention. "N-no, I am not with him right now."

L, frowning at his lie, pressed his lips to the underside of Raito's jaw and moved to straddle him. The younger male glowered into ebony orbs that danced with mirth. He batted away L's questing hand, trying to end the conversation with his father quickly before L did something that would give them both away.

"Yes. Yes, all right. See you then."

Snapping the device closed, he turned to L who was playing with his hair, brushing over the silken strands as he stared quizzically at the brunette. Raito wrapped one arm around the detective before switching their positions and leaning down.

"That wasn't very smart, L. We both could've been discovered." Raito dropped a chaste kiss on his lips. L sighed and pushed him back.

"Yes, but you lied. Therefore it makes sense for me to flesh out the truth." L grabbed a fistful of Raito's hair, tugging him down until they were nose to nose. "Do you lie frequently, Raito-kun?"

"Only when it forgoes a lecture on my sexuality."

L cocked his head to the side before asking, "Your father would not accept your sexuality?"

"L, if anyone on the task force found out about us, there would be nothing to stop their wrath," Raito tried to distract L from the conversation by dragging a hand up his side, but the detective would not be deterred.

"That is highly irrational, Raito-kun. My understanding is that if the child has qualms about their sexual orientation, then the parent should help them through such an ordeal, giving them love and understanding. Am I incorrect in thinking so?"

Raito studied his lover, still dragging his fingers up and down L's sides, "You were an orphan, right?"

L's posture suddenly turned wary and he squirmed under Raito's touch, "Let us not talk of that."

Shaking his head, Raito pressed, "We're going to talk about it. You brought up the hidden points on my sexuality; the least you can do is talk about your childhood."

"No."

"L –"

"Raito-kun, I said no. You can make your own assumptions of what my life was like before the Kira investigation, but I shall not endure such scrutiny when we are in bed, still with time before the rest of the team arrives."

Raito sighed, "L, we don't have time for –"

L silenced him with a kiss and a small smile stretched his lips, "We have plenty of time, Raito-kun. The team won't start the investigation without us both. So, let's make them wait."

Raito was suddenly flipped over, with L straddling him once more. Trying to ignore the irrational portion of his brain that wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day (with L, and his extremely dexterous tongue), Raito fervently argued with the detective, "Ryuuzaki –"

"Ah-ah. Name's, Raito-kun." And L descended on Raito's mouth with a hunger matched only by Raito.

* * *

_Hands, like secrets,  
are the hardest thing to keep from you  
Lines and phrases, like knives,  
__your words can cut me through  
__  
Dismantle me down (repair)  
You dismantle me  
You dismantle me_

**Dismantle.Repair**; _Anberlin_

* * *

Raito woke once more, eyes blurrily staring into a shaft of light flickering through the curtains. Yawning, he sat up, detaching a slumbering L from his body. Russet gaze fixated on shimmering red numbers, and his mind tried to process exactly what the eleven and twenty three meant. When it finally did, Raito sat up straighter before whispering a quiet, '_shit'_ and hopped off the bed.

L, awakened by Raito's jumping about, stretched lazily before fixing Raito with an inquisitive stare, "What are you doing, Raito-kun?"

Holding up pants he found in one of the dressers, Raito turned to L and laughed, "I can't believe you kept most of my clothes here."

L frowned, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, how were you to be sure I would return the same night I was discharged?"

A shrug, followed by L falling back on the covers. The white pillow was a stark contrast to L's ebony locks and after Raito slipped on the jeans, he wandered over, running a hand over the sheets covering the pale insomniac.

Raito sat down, dropping his face in his hands, "What are we doing?"

Opening an obsidian eye, L fixed Raito with a look, "I do not understand what you mean."

"I come here every night; we continue on as if nothing has changed. It seems like we are still chained together, locked in this investigation even though Kira has died. What are we doing, L?"

L sighed, pushing himself onto his stomach and wrapping pale arms about the pillow. His demeanour seemed to change, becoming forlorn and distant. His voice also took on a different tone, and Raito suddenly realized he was speaking English, "Not everything needs to be investigated, Raito. The answer is simple. It is because we are human."

Raito frowned, only catching the last sentence. His eyes turned to L who was mulling silently, the mask gone, the emotions playing across his face showing his worry. Raito knew, somehow, that he was thinking about what would happen if he were correct, if Raito were Kira and he were to die.

A beep from L's laptop had the insomniac slipping his mask back into place. Raito stood, wandering back over to the bureau and digging out a button shirt. He watched L wander over to the computer, and as he flicked on the screen, Raito could see out of the corner of his eye, the look of utter disbelief on Watari's face.

"Ryuuzaki, where is Yagami Raito?"

Raito's fingers stilled and he turned slightly, watching L frown. The detective glanced over at him before changing languages, "He is with me. Why?"

Watari seemed to understand. Raito moved closer, trying to remember every word he had learned in English. It was quite hard to understand, especially from a distance. The dialect and accent were sometimes arduous to place with the words, and the speed the two were conversing at caused Raito to stumble over some of the meanings.

"You spoke to me not long ago about this, Ryuuzaki. There is no need for you to continue acquainting yourself with the boy. Cut your losses now, Ryuuzaki. The trio is waiting to hear from you again. Why don't you make a quick dash back to England? They will be ecstatic."

"You are rambling, Watari. And besides, Roger wouldn't enjoy my return. Apparently the gifts I brought them last time nearly set the orphanage on fire."

"Ryuuzaki –"

L switched back to Japanese, "I will be down soon, Watari. Please inform the others that Raito-kun is already here." He closed the computer screen.

Silently, Raito walked over to the stoic investigator, hands reaching out to touch. He hadn't understood a good portion of the conversation, but he knew Watari had tried to talk L out of seeing him anymore. In a way, Raito agreed. L's continued 'friendship' would destroy them both in the end. For that matter, Raito's heavy ties to the detective should be severed as quickly as possible. Raito dropped his hand, returning it to his shirt. He watched the detective look down at the computer, one hand on his hip and the other attached diligently to his mouth. Sighing, Raito stepped forward and drew L's gaze from the laptop.

"I'm going downstairs. I'm sure my father will want to lecture me. Dress. Eat," Raito commanded sternly before dropping a kiss on surprised lips and walking out the door. Closing the door, Raito fixed his collar before walking towards the elevator.

He was interrupted, however, when Watari stepped out in front of him, a thunderous rage evident on his face. "You must stop this game, Yagami-kun."

Narrowing his eyes, Raito stepped to the side, pressing the elevator button, "Whatever do you mean?"

"Ryuuzaki is fragile when it comes to emotions. Especially when it comes to emotions pertaining to you. Yagami-kun, you must stop this before both of you are hurt!" The elevator dinged, opening wide. Raito gently pushed Watari aside before walking in.

"Only one of us will break, Watari. Do not worry." The look of horror on Watari's face was the last thing Raito saw as the doors closed. And he laughed.

___

* * *

_

There are no flowers, no not this time  
There'll be no angels gracing the lines.  
Just these stark words, I find.  
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,  
I'd share with you, could I only speak,  
Just how much this hurts me.

_Just how much this hurts me_

Just how much you...

**This Time Imperfect**; AFI

* * *

Raito wandered up the stairwell, trying to deduce where his detective had gotten to. Lightning flared and illuminated the hallway, causing Raito to glance to the side. He realized it was raining outside, and was suddenly hit with an epiphany. He didn't know why, as he ran up the stairs to the roof, that L would be out in the rain, but there was no doubt in his mind that the investigator would be there.

As the door opened, wind and water blew in, causing Raito to recoil as an icy blast struck his face. After stepping out into the storm, he carefully closed the door (making sure it wouldn't lock him out) and turned to regard the top of the building. There was a lone figure about three quarters of the way out, one hand held upturned and eyes closed as the rain slid down porcelain skin. Raito wandered forward, eyes roaming over the broken look decorating the usually expressionless face. Raito sighed and stopped just beneath an overhanging portion of the roof.

Ryuuzaki turned slightly, as if sensing his presence and a small smile lit his features. Raito's heart clenched painfully and he called out to the raven haired male. L made a motion, as if he couldn't hear, cocking his head slightly and holding a cupped hand to his ear. Raito sighed and called out his name again, only to have the same results. He finally decided that wandering out into the rain would be all right, if only to talk to and maybe hold the insomniac.

The rain was chilling, yet highly refreshing as Raito walked across the rooftop, his footsteps muffled by the pouring water. His eyes lingered on the despondent way L's face seemed to drop; the way his bottom lip was slightly protruded as if he knew something bad was about to happen. Raito stopped not far from him, quizzically reaching out to touch the detective's shoulder.

"Ryuuzaki, we should go back inside. It's quite cold out here," whispered Raito, reassured that L didn't recoil from his touch. After he had the detective's attention, he retracted the hand, ignoring the numbing chill that had invaded the flesh.

"Raito-kun, tell me. Can you hear them?" inquired L, turning slightly.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"The bells. They have been ringing non-stop since dawn. It's quite distracting."

Raito stepped back, hands burrowed deeply in his pockets, "I don't hear anything."

"Really? I wonder if it's a church; maybe a wedding or a –"

Raito watched in silence as the word unspoken weighed in the air.

L still hadn't moved; his shirt was soaked right through, showing the bony contours of his chest and the steeped ridges of his spine. He didn't seem to mind the water, blinking away the droplets as they danced along his eyelashes and poured down his cheeks. His hands found his back pockets, and he turned. Raito couldn't look away from the desperation mirrored in those deep, obsidian eyes. He couldn't ignore the plea that hung, unspoken, like mist. But instead of stepping forward and wrapping the detective in protective arms, Raito held back.

"Why are we out here?"

L frowned, bringing a thumb to push at his wet lip, "I am out here because I have nowhere else to go. You are out here because you wished to be in my presence. Am I correct?"

"Ryuuzaki…"

"I'm sorry. Everything I say makes no sense; please don't take it seriously." A sigh escaped the detective before he turned, shoving pale hands back into wet denim pockets, "Raito-kun, tell me, from the day you were born, has there ever been a point when you've actually told the truth?"

What an odd question. Raito contemplated every angle L could possibly be coming from, but saw no harm in simply answering, "Everyone lies, Ryuuzaki. It's quite difficult to go through your life without lying. Human beings just aren't made to be perfect like that. Every person has told a lie." He saw the perplexed frown begin on Ryuuzaki's face, "But, I have always made a conscious effort to never lie to those I love."

L frowned, "I had a feeling you'd say something like that."

"Oh?" The lie was gaining momentum. Instead of continuing this dance of deceit and lies, Raito reached out a hand tugging once on L's sleeve to gain his attention. But the detective ignored him, continuing to look out at the despairing sky.

"Let's go back inside. We're both drenched."

L pinned him with a look before stepping forward. Automatically, Raito's hands moved up and caught L around the waist. The detective looked up at him through rain wet bangs before touching his lips delicately against Raito's collarbone.

Something snapped.

Breath was caught; teeth clashed in both anger and passion; hips moved; backs arched; hands ghosted over skin and jeans; fingers touched and tangled. The rain drowned out their cries, muffled their fgroans, washed away the passion and want until nothing remained but Yagami Raito and (L!) Ryuuzaki.

The rain had soaked through their shirts and the cooling effect of water caused Raito's brain to spout something completely nonsensical out.

_Keep him alive._

Raito pulled back from L's lips, trying to make his mind repeat the blasphemous words it had just hissed. L dropped his forehead to Raito's shoulder, trying to calm himself down. Raito removed his hands from beneath L's shirt, carefully supporting the detective until he could stand properly. L blinked and stared into Raito's eyes, obviously trying to discern what caused Raito's sudden change in attitude. Sighing, he instead straightened, tugging at the wet cloth clinging to his body.

"We should head inside, no?"

Raito just nodded, head swimming._ Keep him alive_. He couldn't concentrate; his eyes focused on the back of L's head as he followed him inside, completely oblivious to the shivers that coursed through his body. _Keep him alive_. His mind was shifting back and forth, back and forth, a never ending cycle of murderous deceit. Should he really consider keeping the detective alive? What would he gain from it? _Keep him_ **_alive_**! No, no, he couldn't think like this. It would destroy him.

Gasping, he dropped to the floor, automatically towelling his hair dry. Wait, towel? When –

_Keep him alive._

"Fuck," he hissed, dropping his head in his hands. L stood just behind him, towel on his dripping head, face an impassive mask. Raito caught sight of the insomniac and lifted his head, put the charade back in place, and continued to dry his hair.

"Well, that was certainly an unpleasant outing."

"It's your own fault. Honestly, what did you expect?"

"Of course. You're right. I'm sorry."

Raito narrowed his eyes. Something was wrong. The detective had said sorry more times in the last fifteen minutes then he had during Raito's entire incarceration.

_Keep him alive._

Raito closed his eyes wearily, sending a mental, "_Shut the fuck up_," to whatever portion of his brain was spouting out this nonsense. He was brought back to the present when he felt a hand on his foot, soft towel brushing delicately against the sole. Staring down at L's wet hair, Raito voiced his objections.

"What are you doing?"

L glanced up, face delicate and worn and Raito felt his heart leap into his throat, "You were towelling yourself off, so I thought I might help."

Brain stalling, Raito realized too late that his mouth wouldn't stop moving, "That's unnecessary."

The towel continued to move in soft circles, "I can give you a massage as well. It's the least I can do to atone for my sins."

"Ryuuzaki..."

The towel stopped and L's head drooped, eyes closing briefly as if in pain. Raito watched him take in a shuddering breath before continuing, and Raito could no longer take the strain as his mind seemed to cry out in anguish.

_Keep him the_ **fuck** _alive_!

Raito shuddered but kept up the facade, grabbing his towel and carefully towelling L's hair, "You're soaked."

The insomniac looked up at him, eyes dancing with indescribable feeling and emotion, his face a haggard mess, "I'm sorry."

Again, the apologies unnerved the brunette and Raito stayed his hand, unsure how to proceed. L then looked up at him, a soft smile adorning his lips, "It'll be lonely, won't it?"

"What?"

"You and I will be parting ways soon."

L's eyes stared unblinkingly into Raito's, and within those eyes Raito saw the truth. The truth that L knew, without a doubt, that he was Kira. That L knew, but didn't give him up. That L knew, but still held onto some sliver of hope that he was wrong, that his lover was not the mass serial killer he was looking for.

L's eyes _knew_. And now, so did Raito.

A merry little jingle filled the stairwell, breaking the secretive gaze. L's eyes morphed back into unyielding pools of oil, reflecting all. He dropped Raito's foot and dug in his back pocket until he found his cell phone, pulling it out and holding it in his odd way.

Watari was on the other end. Raito watched as L nodded, hummed and finally closed the phone softly before turning to Raito, "All right, let's go, Raito-kun. Everything has been arranged. Our farewell may come sooner than I planned."

_Keep him **alive**._

Raito cursed. Standing, he began to follow L before touching the detective's arm and bringing the insomniac's attention back to him.

The words were there, the ones he wanted to say to reassure the detective, to make all of this go away.

Instead, he moved forward to wrap the detective in a bone crushing hug.

He knew it wouldn't make up for everything that had happened.

He knew it wouldn't make up for everything that would occur.

But for once in his life, he wanted to do something for someone else; to bring to life the ideals of another instead of his own.

L returned the hug tentatively before pressing a delicate kiss to Raito's cheek. A smile upturned L's lips as they parted.

_Keep. Him. Alive._

* * *

_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building.  
If I only could, oh..._

**Running up that Hill**_; Placebo_

* * *

The elevator opened and Raito blinked at the dimly lit investigation room. L stood beside him, head tilted slightly as if contemplating something. Raito glanced over at the insomniac before steeling himself for what was about to happen.

"Ryuuzaki! What is the meaning of this?" Matsuda shouted. "You somehow got approval from another country to use the notebook for an execution?"

"Watari, excellent work thank you."

"Ryuuzaki, what are you trying to do?" Raito inquired, watching in horror as L tapped a spoon across the notebook.

"In thirteen days, a criminal will be executed. We are to give him the notebook and watch to see if he dies within thirteen days. If he does not, then he will be pardoned from execution. If we work this out the entire case will be solved."

Raito suddenly saw Rem, standing just behind him, red eyes aglow. Swallowing, he knew what she was about to do and closed his eyes tight. Everyone around him shouted their disapproval, but it was as if the world had suddenly gone silent. Taking a deep breath, he strode forward and tore the notebook away from L.

Every sound came back in a rush as Raito stumbled backwards, notebook in hand. His other dug in his pocket, withdrawing a simple black felt. The entire team stared in horror as Raito pressed pen to paper.

"Yagami-kun! What are doing?"

"Raito?"

"Raito-kun, what...?"

Raito's eyes locked with L's, trying to make him understand, but the insomniac was already moving, stumbling out of his chair. But he stopped when Raito scrawled something in the notebook, eyes flashing crimson.

"**Rem**!"

The Shinigami poked her head out of the wall, her body soon following as she saw Raito holding the Death Note.

"What are you doing, Yagami Raito?"

Raito took another quivering breath before turning the notebook around and showing his scrawl to the team and Rem.

Horrified, Rem shouted, "You willingly sacrifice her life knowing I will kill you without qualm?"

Closing his eyes, Raito began to count, "She will die, Rem. And you will have no choice but to kill me. Do it. To save Misa. Kill me!"

Silence reigned through the room, every eye focused on Raito. The teen didn't say anything, just continued to hold the notebook up, where Amane Misa's name was scrawled in dark black felt. Rem pulled out her notebook, the fury on her face evident.

"You would not have done this if you had stayed away from this man!" she hissed, thick claws pulling out her pen, "You would not have sacrificed Misa's happiness if you had stuck with your original plan." The first letter of Raito's name was etched meticulously into Rem's notebook, "You would not have destroyed yourself if you had just forgotten that you were Kira!"

The team gasped, Matsuda falling back. His father stepped forward, mouth open in shock. L didn't move; his eyes widened just slightly as the truth was revealed. Raito swallowed hard and closed his eyes.

"It doesn't matter. If you do not kill me now, Misa will die, you will die, and I will die. All of this will be in vain. Do you want that, Rem?"

"I don't care."

Raito gritted his teeth. Rem finished off the rest of his first name, taking slow deliberate strokes, "You are Kira."

Taking another deep breath, Raito let the notebook fall to the ground, "Yes, I am."

Everything went to hell.

Rem finished off Raito's name, and wordlessly began to dissipate into glowing white sand. The investigation team moved all at once: Matsuda fell to the floor, his father shouted in disbelief, Mogi touched his heart before turning and running to the exit, Aizawa stepped protectively in front of both the Chief and Matsuda.

But it was L that caught Raito's attention. The insomniac was staring straight at him, unmoved, hand touching his heart, eyes still slightly wide. He then strode forward whilst everyone else stopped. Raito felt his heart give an angry twinge and cried out, falling to his knees on the pale linoleum. The notebook stared up at him mockingly, its pale white sheets blank save for that one name. He felt a hand on his shoulder as another pang sent him into a spasm of pain. L caught him as he fell back, head bowed and eyes staring in horror at Raito's agonized face.

There were no words of proclaimed love, no hand reaching up to dance one last time along a lovers' face. There was only a silence so deep that Raito felt as if he were drowning, and with every feeble beat of his heart, he knew, knew that no matter what he did it would be hopeless. That every word that spouted from his dying lips would not matter anymore.

Because he would never be able to see the look of pure ecstasy on L's face again.

Because he would never be cajoled into staying up late, eat pathogenic sugary foods and be forced to keep his libido in check.

Because he knew this wasn't a dream.

And because L knew he was Kira.

The investigation team was still confused. Raito caught sight of his father, fighting with Aizawa to get to his dying son, but it didn't really register. Raito turned his head back and was surprised when a drop of liquid slid down his cheek and soaked into his collar.

"Ryuu...zaki?"

The hesitation in his voice was caused by pain; a look almost equal to that of L's shadowed face as he held Raito tight, feeble shoulders shaking as if laughing. But when the ebony curtain of bangs was pulled back, when those blacker-than-oil eyes were revealed, Raito was shocked to see his L crying.

The silence seemed to zone in on L, on the way his breath would catch as he tried to stifle his sobs. Raito willed his hand to move, to wipe away those tears, but there would be no movie star ending for them. His hand stayed by his side, fingers splayed over the brilliant white of the notebook. And when his eyes caught ebony once again, L opened his lips to speak.

"I knew."

Another spasm of pain caused Raito to howl. It shouldn't hurt this much! Rem had done something, had written a painful end to her most hated human. The irony made Raito chuckle. His laughter turned to a hissing groan as another spasm in his heart brought his hand forth to clutch at his chest.

L took another shuddering breath, "I knew. Yet...I was foolish enough to continue my friendship with you. I was foolish, and it cost me."

Raito tried to speak, but was once again forced to hiss in pain. His breath was coming in short pants, and he knew he was about to die. Another droplet of pure water touched his cheek before sliding away.

L slid his fingers into Raito's hair, "I have to know one thing though. Why?"

Finally, Raito drew in a shaky breath before exhaling and saying in a rush, "Didn't want to be Kira anymore."

He saw the double meaning of his words sink into L's mind, watched the onyx eyes light up in pain, saw the anguish flit across the usually impassive mask. The hand clutching his body tightened reflexively before L dropped his head once more and Raito watched the curtain fall. His vision was tunnelling; sound had failed to nil; the pain in his chest had faded to a dull throb barely noticeable.

_He was dying_.

The irony of the situation hit him hard. He was Kira: the God of the New World, and here he lay, dying by his own instrument of death, held in the arms of his arch nemesis, watching the world fluctuate between black and white; between life and death; justice and injustice.

And as he lay there, staring up at black and white, he wondered vaguely where the reel of his existence was. Why was he not seeing the movie of his life, laughing at his blunders, weeping over his mistakes, blushing at his confessions? What happened to him disclosing his sins and repenting? What happened to...?

His mind was becoming fuzzy. Closing his eyes, he was quickly shaken back to reality by L, who was calling his name so faintly. Raito's bleary gaze fixated on the crying insomniac, watching the tears flow freely from his eyes, watched the utter loss etched into those porcelain features.

Just once more he wanted to touch him, to watch him smile, to see that glow of life.

Just once more...

Raito felt his hand lift, just barely, enough to gain L's attention before whispering, "_Pity_."

And then everything faded to black.

_

* * *

_

You tell me that you need me,  
Then you go and cut me down,  
But wait...  
You tell me that you're sorry,  
Didn't think I'd turn around  
And say:

_It's too late to apologize..._

**Apologize**; _Onerepublic_

* * *

**A/N:** ...


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

A desolated wasteland stretched for miles in every direction, bones of unknown creatures dotting the surface. Grey rolled above and was mirrored below on its counterpart. Trees stripped bare of their leafed life were left rotted and dying. There was no water, no grass. There was no colour except for grey.

The land was dying.

Inhabitants moved amongst the ruins, some sleeping in the shelter of the animal bones, others gambling what little they had for entertainment. Neither human nor monster entirely, their jobs were to keep the humans in line, taking lives when needed. In truth, they only took lives because they feared death themselves. There was no purpose to their being anymore, except to extend their existence so that death didn't become an overhanging shadow.

A certain occupant of this dismal world was perched atop a rather large skull, searching the crowd below. Blue black was his main colour of choice, and he had long ago lost his human features, opting for a permanent clown like smile to be plastered upon his face. Right now he was bored, but he was intent on finding his target, whether said object wanted to be found or not.

He was broken from his search when one of the gamblers bellowed, "Hey Ryuk! If you're looking for the new Shinigami, he's over by the human entrance."

Ryuk raised a thin arm in thanks and unfurled his wings. It was a short trip to the human pool, and sure enough, the Shinigami he was searching for was balanced on its rocky shores, eyes fixated on the glossy surface.

Ryuk landed, alerting the other to his presence. The newest member of their dreary world wore an odd mask, a yin and yang type representation that ended just above his nose. The colours swirled angrily against one and other in the middle, and were peaceful on their respected sides. Claws of ivory peaked out of the cuffs of a white open collared shirt that hung from his lean shoulders. He wore black pants, and matching boots fastened with chains. Chains criss-crossed over his upper body, tightening in some spots, while loose in others, ending in only a single cuff on his left wrist. His Death Note was clipped to his belt, which was also a chain, and Ryuk vaguely wondered what connection he had to so many binding shackles.

"Have you come to check up me again, Ryuk? That's unlike you," stated the Shinigami, not breaking his gaze from the pool. The mask had no eye slits, so Ryuk wondered if the youth was gazing at him or the pond.

"I happened to be flying overhead and saw you here, _again_. You've been a Shinigami for two years, and every day you sit by this pool. What's got you so eager?" asked Ryuk, coming to stand beside his companion.

A soft smile touched the cold lips of the Shinigami. "Always looking for excitement. You never change, Ryuk." This time the mask turned towards him. "Care to join me?"

Ryuk shrugged and hunkered down beside him to stare into the swirling depths of the pool, losing himself in the spell it bound. The image within solidified, showing a dark room, lit by a single laptop. Snack containers and other provisions were scattered around, evidence that the human there wasn't the clean type, or wasn't used to it.

The actual human being scrutinized typed furiously away on the laptop with thin fingers, never truly touching the keys. One jean clad knee was brought up to his chest, the other out to the side, his bare toes waging war against one another. A cotton white shirt hung from his skeletal frame, and his skin was pallid from too many years indoors. A messy mat of onyx hair stuck out in disarray atop his head.

Aside from the starved exterior of the human, what truly caught Ryuk's attention were the human's eyes. They didn't hold the indomitable denial that death would soon be phasing through the wall to take one's life. No, the grey eyes with their black circles beneath held something that was a rarity amongst mankind.

They held death itself.

"He stands a little taller, and sleeps a little longer, but has taken on more work, submerging himself into a world of anti-sociability," explained Ryuk's comrade, placing a shackled arm over his bent knee. "Truth be told, he hasn't changed in the years since I parted ways with him."

"Ah, but did you notice the eyes?" asked Ryuk, gesturing towards the pool. "There's no life left."

"I know."

Ryuk fingered the three Death Notes hanging from his belt. Two were his own, and the third happened to be from a Shinigami that had perished in the human world. Not that he cared; it just irked him that that certain Shinigami had written down the human's name that he himself had promised to write.

"Ryuk, what happens to Shinigami that pass away?"

Ryuk drew his gaze away from the binding spell of the pool to glance at the Shinigami. Regardless of the mask, he noticed the play of emotions running beneath. Ryuk mused over whether or not to tell the youth, if what he said would impact him enough that he would abandon his futile human watching. He opted to wait a little longer. After all, he was an excitement grabber.

"How am I supposed to know? I haven't died in this form. Go ask Gramps; he would know."

The Shinigami sighed, gazing back into the pool. The human was still typing furiously on the keyboard, his eyes flickering over every word, over every picture. Suddenly, his fingers stalled over the keys, and his head dropped. One hand receded to his lips, where he bit down on his thumbnail. He then rose, and paced in front of the computer, eye fixated on the one picture that had appeared on the screen. Ryuk raised an eyebrow and glanced at the Shinigami, who was blatantly not looking at the computer.

The picture was of a young human, no older than eighteen. Chestnut hair flowed in perfect locks around his head, and the bangs came to just below his soft coffee eyes. He was tanned, and the lips were upturned slightly in a 'catch me if you can' type gesture. The name beneath the picture was signed in a perfect scrawl, as everything about the youth screamed perfection.

Yagami Raito.

"You still haunt me, even in death," said the human, stopping his fruitless pacing to crumple in front of his computer. A sigh escaped his lips and he withdrew his hand to wipe at moisture that had suddenly escaped his eyes.

Ryuk tore his eyes from the scene playing within the pool to the Shinigami at his side. He was grasping the ledge, claws gouging into the rock circling the pool. He was staring intently into the glistening depths, and Ryuk resisted the urge to pull him back. Yet he was fascinated by what had changed with the Shinigami. The usually peaceful ivory of the mask was roaring to life, thrashing erratically and beating back the onyx. And then it began to fade.

He was still human.

Ryuk stared in awe at the features beneath the mask. Russet eyes stared without knowledge into the depths of mist, and pallid skin had overtaken tan. The ebony snarled in response to this take over, trying to fight back, yet eventually the entire mask was overtaken by ivory, though translucent.

The Shinigami spoke, drawing Ryuk's attention to the pool, "He hasn't broken down once in all the two years I have been watching him. I didn't realize that picture would invoke such a strong reaction."

"Humans have odd ways of showing emotion. When you met him, he never let you in. Why would he show weakness in front of anyone but shadows, and two Shinigami he has no knowledge of?"

The mask was slowly crawling back over to its respected side, solidifying to hide the humane side. The Shinigami sat back, releasing the stranglehold he had on the rocks. Finally, the mask was completely opaque once more, and both sides returned to their peaceful roots.

Ryuk decided finally to point out the obvious, "Your human dies in three days."

"Thank you, Ryuk. I am aware of this," his companion snapped, crossing his arms.

"You are planning on interfering?" enquired Ryuk, his elbows on his knees. This was getting interesting.

"If it's something I can take care of, yes. If not, I have no choice but to sit back and watch," sighed his comrade, turning his mask away. The human within the pool was finally recollecting himself, and wiped angrily at the tear treads that were evident on his cheeks.

Ryuk mulled over his response and finally decided his excitement gauge for the day was filled. Placing a cheek in his hand, his grin widened and he stated, "You asked before what happens to Shinigami that die. I lied. I do know."

His comrade turned to him in shock, which was quickly replaced by fury. "You are just an annoyance, aren't you? Well, are you going to tell me?"

"I might as well. I've gained enough insight into what you've been doing and the human you have your sights on to warn you at least. And besides, you were quite a thrill as a human. I at least thought you would be more so as a Shinigami."

"I'm not a Shinigami," his companion assured. Ryuk raised an eyebrow.

"How can you not be Shinigami?" asked Ryuk, curiosity piqued.

"I never exchanged my humanity. When the Shinigami Overlord asked for it, I blatantly told him no. I...I want my memories."

"Your memories include _that_.You're shackled to it forever, you know."

His companion shrugged, viewing his nails. "It is a part of me, just as I am a part of it. We share the same heartbeat and whether I like it or not, I'm handcuffed to it. For eternity if I must." He pointed at the mask. "Thus the two sides, Ryuk. I know what I am, and it will not be changed simply because I wish it. That is all there is to it."

Ryuk shook his head, perplexed. Sometimes, his amusers turned out to be too complex for him. And right now, something didn't seem right with this one.

"I wish to know where we go when we pass away, Ryuk," he commanded, gazing through the opaque mask.

Ryuk sighed, and muttered, "Judgement."

"Judgement?"

"When a Shinigami passes away, they are immediately sent to limbo. There, the spirit is poked and prodded, every aspect of the life they once lived, and the one they had as a Shinigami, influencing the decision."

"What decision?"

"There are two doors along a dirt pathway. Both are non-descriptive, and when the Council decides your fate, they point you to one of the doors. Once you pass through, you can never return. It's an arduous business, but the higher ups are all for it. Something about second chances."

"What lies beyond the doors?" queried his friend, leaning forward on his elbows. Ryuk grinned.

"Our second chance," stated Ryuk simply. He stood, lazily stretching before allowing his wings to appear. His comrade stared up at him in annoyance.

His mask flicked back to the pool, and when Ryuk was ready to take off he asked, inaudibly, "Will I meet him on the other side?"

Ryuk allowed his wings to draw him into the stagnant air. Glancing back, he replied, "That, my friend, is up to the Council."

* * *

Ryuk looked out over the valley, eyes trailing over every building, over every skeleton. Nothing surprised him anyone. Well, except for his comrade, who was most likely sitting by the human pool once again. It was the third day.

He stretched his lanky arms out in front of him, his smile shirking. Perhaps he should check up on him? His human was about to die; Ryuk knew his usual companion would do everything in his power to stop it.

Ryuk unfurled his wings, allowing the bones to snap into place, a lethargic yawn finding its way past his lips. He bound into the air, flapping lazily towards the pool, adrenaline already congealing in his system. He knew what he would find, yet he had never once witnessed it happening.

The pool came into view and Ryuk tucked his wings, pulling into a shallow dive. Landing lightly, he looked around, his wings flapping behind him. He didn't see the Shinigami sitting in his usual spot. That meant he either found another pool or the event had already occurred.

Ryuk sighed and wandered over to the churning water, glancing about for any sparkling dust or maybe even the chains his companion had worn. He saw nothing and his lips moved slightly downwards. Well, this was unfair. He had wanted to watch a Shinigami die.

There was a sudden noise to his left and Ryuk wandered over, peeking over a rock to find his excitement sitting beside a new portion of the pool, Death Note out and poised. The water was churning angrily, congealing into angry coils. Ryuk walked forward and announced his presence with a light cough.

His companion didn't move, just continued to focus that opaque mask on the water. Soon, Ryuk was crouched beside him, peering into its depths, watching with mild fascination as the human left his room, slipped on a pair of tennis shoes, and closed the door. The pools' eye followed the raven haired male as he walked down a plush hallway, hands shoved deep in denim pockets. Ryuk risked a glance at the other Shinigami and found his shoulders tensed, hand shaking.

"He dies soon."

"Shut up, Ryuk."

"About ten minutes."

"Shut _up_, Ryuk."

"I wonder, how will he –"

"Ryuk, I _will_ find some way to kill you, so _shut the fuck up_."

Ryuk promptly shut his mouth.

They watched as the raven haired human opened a door, revealing a sliver of sunlight and noise. Copious amounts of noise. The human raised his hand, covering obsidian eyes and wincing as the light slanted across his face.

There was a sudden cheer and the pool seemed to widen. Thousands of people were gathered about, all of them waiting impatiently for the human to step up to the podium. Ryuk's companion leaned forward, scanning fervently for the possible threat to his human's life.

"Four minutes and nineteen seconds."

"_Ryuk!_"

Suddenly, there was movement. The desire to find the humans killer compelled the pool to move and focus on a sole man, standing about ten feet from the podium the young human was stepping up to. The man's hands were shoved into his pockets, and Ryuk could make out the distinct lining of a gun. He watched as his companion suddenly wrote fervently into the Death Note, clawed fingers clumsy. The raven haired human stood up, straightened his spine, and the entire crowd went silent.

A gurgling noise, followed by the same man from before clutching his chest caused men to shoot out of the crowd and promptly surround the pale human. But as the man fell to the ground, spasms wracking his body, the human pushed his bodyguards out of the way to stare in disbelief at the man on the ground. And then he looked up at the sky.

Ryuk's eyes were drawn from the pool as he heard a soft _clink_. He watched as his companion began to disintegrate, his mask suddenly translucent. The heavy cuff that surrounded his wrist dropped to the ground as the sand overtook his arm.

"I hope you find what you're looking for."

His companion gazed at him through content eyes, "I'm positive I will, Ryuk. I'll find a way. I always do."

As his face was overtaken, Ryuk stood, taking the other Shinigami's Death Note with him. Attracted to the pool once more, he turned, scanning the crowd for that mass of ebony hair. He spotted it easily and mouthed the humans name before scanning his remaining life span.

Sighing, Ryuk allowed his wings to stretch from his back. Tucking the Death Note in his belt, he looked down at the snowy pile of his former comrade.

"Your human dies in three days, Raito."

* * *

It was cold.

Raito's eyes blinked open and he shuddered, breath expelling in a curl of moisture. Shivering, he sat up, rubbing his hands along his arms. He suddenly froze. He didn't have claws.

Another expulsion of air curled in front of his face and he touched his cheeks, his nose, his mouth. There was no mask. Feeling his wrist, he found no cuff. He was once again completely human.

Laughing, he stood. With wobbling steps, he began to move forward, eyes scanning his surroundings, trying to figure out where the hell he was. His feet crunched along the dirt pathway and he realized Ryuk had been right about that at least. But he saw no doors.

"_This one..._"

Raito spun, the voice echoing from high above.

"_He is a wayward spirit. A hazard but seemingly useful. Should we send him left or right?_"

That was a different voice.

Eyeing the shadows, Raito began to move backwards. The voices were getting closer, but at the same time seemed so far away. He tripped, fell backwards, and suddenly he could see.

"_He can see us._"

"_Finally. I was getting bored._"

"_We cannot be seen by many, Hyide. This one is special._"

"What's going on?" Raito called, trying to make his mind catch up with what his eyes were seeing. Figures, eight of them, all crowded around a single table. They were tall, with short bodies and gangly legs. Each one was wearing a crown of some sort, eyes glowing embers. Raito flinched backwards as every pair of shimmering orbs fixated on him.

"_Two souls..._"

"_Send him right._"

"_Cause?_"

"_Have you not reviewed his life? He deserves to be sent right_."

"_But he could be seen as a _perfect_ soul. Send him left._"

"_Right._"

"_Left!_"

Raito studied the bickering creatures, wondering if these beings were the Council. Standing, he dusted off his pants and joined their circle, "If I may speak?"

They turned to him as one, all of them quite shocked. One of them clapped his claw like hands in delight before motioning for Raito to speak. The others just continued to watch him, suddenly wary.

"_Oh, let the boy speak in his defence,_" the one that motioned at him grinned, "_I'm Hyide. Nice to make your acquaintance, Yagami 'Kira' Raito._"

"I'm glad you know of me. Or one side of me in the very least. Now, what is it you plan on doing with my soul?"

Hyide looked thoughtfully at the other seven, watching them turn away. He then sighed and fixed Raito with his white gaze, "_Normally, we would question you about your past, as both a human and a Shinigami. But we all know of you – quite well actually. We have had to pass judgement on many of those you killed. So, instead of doing the boring 'prodding into your life' bit, I'm just going to tell you to pick a door. Simple as that_."

Raito narrowed his eyes, studying the silver creature before he nodded and moved away, wanting to get on with the proceedings. The pathway seemed to light up with every step, and in the distance he could make out two doors, just an inch apart. Beautifully orchestrated black oak doors with bronzed handles stood identically beside one and other. Raito reached out, tracing the delicate bark, wondering what they meant.

Hyide stood beside him, clawed hands clasped. He motioned towards the doors, "_Pick one, and only one. Good luck_."

Raito worried his bottom lip, going over everything he had heard. Obviously, one of these doors would lead him to a representation of Hell. He wanted to stay away from that, if possible, but if by chance he was pulled through the wrong door, he had to assure that somehow a part of him would be happy.

That was when inspiration struck. He looked back, calculating the distance the creatures were from him and how fast they would have to move to stop him. Swallowing hard, he looked back at the doors, at their polished wood and shining handles. He hesitantly reached out and heard one of the creatures snicker. And that was when he did it.

His other hand shot out and he grasped both handles. There was a gasp, followed by rushing air, and suddenly Raito was shaking. His body seemed like it was being ripped in two; his mind split in half. A scream tore from his throat as both doors opened, and shining white light engulfed him. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't do anything. And when the pain became too much for him, it suddenly stopped.

Blearily, he opened his eyes, wincing as light filtered into his vision. Something was prickling his face; his fingers twitched and grasped something waxen. Groaning, he pushed himself up, shaking his head to clear the lingering pain. When he finally gained his bearings, he sat back in amazement. Hills stretched before him, lush with grass and forests. The sky was unbearably blue; the air crisp and warm.

"What?" Raito asked, stumbling to his feet. He turned in a circle, both frightened and stunned. Where the hell had he been sent? Was this some new form of limbo?

There was a noise behind him and he turned, eyes scanning the horizon. Something speckled caught his sight and he began to move forward, curiosity and a need for normalcy egging him on. When he finally reached what he sought, his mind seemed to shut down. This just wasn't possible.

In front of him was a house. It was tiny; actually quite cute. Raito stepped forward until he could run his fingers along the outside, making sure this was real. His feet carried him around the entire building until he was standing in front of the door. Suddenly unsure, he took a step back, eyes scanning the entire image, looking for some type of flaw. When he found none, he turned away and sat down heavily on the grass.

"I don't understand."

His words echoed through the hills, thrown back at him multiple times. His head dropped in his hands and he massaged his temples, going over everything he remembered. He remembered saving L back in the Shinigami world; remembered Ryuk telling him about the Council and his second chance. He remembered falling into that strange world; remembered the Council of eight and the only one that talked to him, Hyide. He remembered looking at the doors and wondering how he could save himself, how he could make sure he would be happy. And then he had touched both handles.

"So, because of my choice, I was sent here?"

"_Not quite_."

Startled, Raito threw himself to the side. Whirling, he looked up and stared into the sightless eyes of Hyide. The Councilman brought his clawed hands together, a frown in his voice, "_You are the first Shinigami to do something so unpredictable. Of course, we should've expected that from you, Yagami Kira Raito. Or, now, Yagami Raito. Because of your tactics, the doors have stripped you down to a simple human, one without any extraordinary powers. You are now simply Yagami Raito, a being stuck in this plane between Heaven and Hell. Very much like your Earth, actually. And due to the fact that we have stripped you of certain aspects of your personality, you will no longer have any memories of your days as Kira_."

Raito realized with dawning horror that there were sudden blank spots in his memory. His hands shook as he tangled one in his hair, staring blankly at the grass as each memory of Kira – _who_? – was wiped quickly from his mind. Shaking himself, he staggered to his feet, calling out to the retreating Councilman.

"Wait!" Raito shouted. Hyide looked back at him, porcelain orbs blank. Raito stopped before him, "You cannot take away my memories. That was the entire reason I was shackled in the Shinigami world. Please, allow me to keep them."

Hyide studied him, before stretching out one clawed hand. Raito flinched but managed to stay in place as that sharp claw touched his forehead. Pain exploded behind his eyes and he fell to the ground, a barely repressed scream trickling from his lips. Everything he had done, everything he had strived for as Kira came back to him with startling clarity.

"_You will owe the Council, Yagami Raito. Do not forget that_."

"What will I owe them?"

The Councilman ignored his question, "_You are the only one on this plane. You will also be the only one that has ever been a Shinigami. We hope to fill it with others, ones that were human, not monster. Rest assured, you will not be alone for long. I will see you in another hundred years to settle our _debt."

Those glowing orbs met Raito's and he saw the smile in those eyes before suddenly, Hyide disappeared.

Raito lay on the grass, panting breath slowing. He brought his fingers to his temple, rubbing diligently until the throbbing pain ebbed. Taking a deep breath, he looked around. He wondered how long he would be alone for, and who would be joining him first. Rolling onto his back, he stared up at the bright cerulean sky.

* * *

Raito was still lying on the grass when the third day rolled around. His eyes were closed, body completely at ease under the bright expanse of Caribbean blue sky and puffy white clouds. Raito sighed and opened his eyes, watching a rather dark one roll over one of the copious hills, looking like a giant grey monster. His eye twitched as he realized his IQ was dropping at an exponential rate, and if he didn't find something to keep himself occupied, he would be finger painting and cuddling a teddy bear.

"I think I'm going to go insane before anyone else arrives," he muttered angrily, throwing an arm over his eyes. Breathing deeply, he decided on a nap. God knows, he hadn't slept in seventy two hours. The sun just didn't set in this world, so Raito thought it impossible to actually sleep. At first, when Raito had sat alone outside the little house, he had wondered what time it was, and had diligently started counting the minutes until he realized that after eighteen hours, twenty three minutes and nineteen seconds, the sky stayed the same and the clouds continued to roll over it, almost as if the blue was painted on and the clouds were stuck on a never ending cycle. Raito hadn't even noticed the sun was missing until he did a complete three sixty, searching the horizon for the glowing ball of hydrogen gas.

There was also the matter of Raito not feeling any normal human pangs. Hunger was non-existent; water was no longer required to keep him hydrated; he had learned that sleep wasn't a necessity after staying up for an entire twenty four hours and feeling the same as he had when he arrived. Of course, that didn't stop him from cat napping occasionally, enjoying the freedom in doing so.

Wind blew gently over him as he allowed his breathing to slow, mind fading slowly into that pool of dreamless sleep. He was just about to reach that plane when a shadow suddenly stretched over him. Startled, the brunette shot upwards, eyes widening impossibly at the sight before him.

Denim hung from pale hips and equally pale hands were hooked in the belt loops of the jeans. A cotton shirt hung from a skeletal frame, one that had seen better days, but at the same time looked quite strong. A mass of ebony locks stuck up in disarray atop a pale head, bangs hanging over the eyes. Raito felt himself rising without his knowledge, brain trying desperately to fit the pieces together, to figure out what the hell was going on.

He had saved this man three days ago. He had been sure.

His fingers reached out, touching the pale cheek and the bangs lifted, showing deep obsidian eyes and a barely there smirk. Raito couldn't breathe; his eyesight was becoming blurry and it wasn't until he felt moisture fall on his arm that he realized he was crying. He leaned forward, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around those slender shoulders, pulling them together. He could feel the heat emitting off the other, knew for a fact that this had to be real, that he wasn't dreaming. He hadn't dreamt during any of his naps; he didn't think he had the capability to dream anymore.

But this – if this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up.

"_L_," he breathed, pressing his face into the soft ebony locks, feeling those pale hands reach up and grasp his shirt almost desperately.

They stayed that way, neither moving, neither daring to speak. Raito still wasn't clear on what was happening; he briefly thought that Hyide was punishing him for having the Councilman return his memories. But the more he clung to the other male, the more he realized that it was real, that L, the man he had died twice for, was in front of him, hands still twisted in his shirt, eyes closed tightly in concentration.

Finally, Raito moved back, wanting to look into those eyes once more, to see himself reflected not as Kira, but as Raito. L fixed him with that familiar stare, something akin to curiosity in his gaze, and sure enough Raito saw himself, a simple man that had spent two years away from the one that he loved. The brunette felt L's fingers twist in his shirt, keeping him in one place.

"This is why I hate to sleep."

And then those lips were on his, those silken lips that Raito had dreamed about for two years. They brushed almost delicately against his own, as if asking forgiveness, as if asking for atonement. Raito moved forward, hands wrapping around L's waist just as he had not so long ago, fingers slipping under the cotton shirt to brush delicately against those pale hips.

Raito felt L tighten his grip on the brunette's shirt, a desperate cry escaping his lips as he turned away, tears fresh in his eyes. Raito watched him in shock, unable to understand what he had done wrong, what he had happened to make L cry. The detective had never shed tears during their time together and if Raito hadn't been watching him from the Shinigami world, he never would have seen L cry when his photo came up.

"L –" Raito tried.

"I know. I know you are dead. _I know_. But it doesn't stop, does it? It doesn't stop me from dreaming of you, of having you here with me again and again. God damn it!" He suddenly shoved Raito away, turning his back on the bewildered brunette, shoulders shaking, "Watari says I'm a fool; you are _dead_ and I need to worry about my heirs. I need to stop dwelling on the past. But you are there, in my memories, not letting me go. I don't _want_ you to let me go."

L turned back to grab him again, pressing his face against Raito's neck. Raito carefully wrapped his arms back around the investigator's waist, eyes closing as he simply held the detective, waiting until the tears stopped and the insomniac simply leaned against him, warm breath fanning Raito's neck, "Don't let go."

Raito smiled softly, pressing another kiss to L's temple, listening as L seemed to fall away, his eyes fluttering closed and breathing even. He stared up at the unchanged sky, eyes closing in a silent thank you as he leaned forward, and pressed his lips against L's ear, "I won't."

He lifted the detective so that he could sit comfortably, L in his arms. The investigator slept against him, fingers spontaneously curling into Raito's shirt whenever the brunette shifted. Raito was stroking the insomniac's hair when the detective was roused, obsidian gaze bleary as he woke. His gaze fixated on Raito's face and his eyes widened, arms automatically coming up to push Raito away. He landed heavily on the grass, staring in shock around him, not comprehending why he wasn't in his room, why he wasn't waking up in frustration for dreaming about his long dead lover, "What?"

"You're dead."

L looked at him, eyes like polished onyx, confusion mixed with fear reflected in that usually clear gaze. Raito reached out and touched his cheek, ignoring the way L flinched, the way he looked around, utterly lost. He knew he would have to tell L what was happening; granted, he hadn't meant to sound so callous when he said it. But now that it was out, now that the detective finally knew, Raito hoped everything would come to a close.

"I'm – how did I die?"

"I don't know. But it's all right. Come here," Raito gestured and L shakily moved towards him, unable to stop himself from trembling.

"Then, you're actually here. You're not – this isn't a dream."

"No."

"I'm dead..."

"Yes."

L's fingers caught his shirt, "You're here."

Raito grinned, "Yes."

L's lips caught his, hands leaving his shirt to run through mahogany locks. The kiss continued, both of them pressing their longing, their loneliness, their unspoken love into the other. L pulled back first, pressing his forehead against Raito's, eyes closed, "_You're here_."

Raito captured his lips again, prying them apart and tangling their tongues. The same electricity he felt whenever L and he shared a kiss was still there, thrumming through his veins with abandon. He smiled as he pulled away, pressing soft, nipping kisses upon L's cheeks and nose before taking a deep breath.

"L, I know I said it before, when I was Kira, but I really do –"

Pressing a finger to his lips to silence him, the detective raised misty obsidian orbs to Raito's, a soft smirk dancing over his lips, "I know, Raito-kun. I believe you." His fingers shook as he traced them over the brunette's eyes, "I believe you. This isn't a dream. I'm dead; you're dead. But we're together. This isn't a dream."

Raito closed his eyes and smiled, "Don't let me go."

He felt him grin; chocolate orbs fluttered open to watch that pallid face light up and a small laugh escaped those pale lips, "_Don't let me go_."

**End**

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**A/N:** And so it ends. I hope you enjoyed **Abyssal Heart**. I thank all of you who have read and left a review.

Ashinan.


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